11 month old waking 2x + a night!!

amother

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 9:15 am

my 11 month old is waking up 2 sometimes up to 4 times a night. the first time dh ususally gives her a small bottle and she usually goes back to sleep. the other times we 'fight' and usually she wins and winds up in our bed. this just started last week, before that she had been sleeping though the night for about 2 months and before that she only woke once a night. I would usually be ok with co sleeping but I am pregnant and generally exhusted so this doesn't help. I can't sleep with her b/c she kicks me in the stomach. dh tries to sleep with her and usually she calms down but he doesn't sleep well. any advice/suggestions? I'm going nuts.

Tehilla

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 1:58 pm

my 17 month old wakes up in the middle of the night (still nursing) and sleeps with me.

my 3 yr old wakes up like clockwork in the middle of the night. she just started this about 2-3 months ago. she comes racing down the hallway and comes to our room. sometimes she goes to DH's bed since the baby's with me, sometimes she'll sleep in the baby's crib ("like the baby" works great sometimes), and about half the time she sleeps on a little mattress that we bought and put between our beds. we happen to B"H have a large bedroom, so there is ample room to put her little mattress between our beds. she has a little pillow and blanket waiting for her.

amother

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 2:11 pm

amother wrote:

My 12-month old also wakes up usually twice a night (which is an 11-hour strech or so). I am nursing him, but I am trying to cut down, because he doesn't eat a "full meal" so I think it's more of a habbit than an indication of hunger. Just something I wanted to point out - the part that I bolded in your post is a big no-no according to the chinuch advice I've heard. I might get yelled at for being an abusive mother or torturing my children, but I firmly believe (based on the chinuch advice I've read) is that once you say NO it must be like a wall. Of course, you need to think very carefully before you say "no", but once you do - there can be no negotiation. What you are doing is sending a message to your child - well, if I cry long enough, eventually they will take me into their bed. And if you keep going, she won't give up. SO, if you decide that you don't want her in your bed, DON"T TAKE HER no matter what. You can stay in her room, give her a pacifier, pat her back, even hold her etc, but not give in. That way after couple of times she will learn that crying doesn't help her and she won't demand it any more. Hatzhlacha!!

amother

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 9:16 am

OP here. I am responding the the second amother about saying No and meaning it. I do agree that it is a parent's job not to confuse their children especially when you are trying to teach them things - wether it be sleeping in their own bed or more comlex older child issues. However, I also believe it is a parent's responsibility to know when they made a wrong choice.
I was frustrated with my daughter's sleeping patterns becuase I knew she could do better. However, me saying NO half sleep deprived and then realizing that her crys were clearly saying "I need you tonight and I'm not myself" it would have been very wrong of me to deny her what she needed. Maybe I should have been more firm in letting her know she had to be in her room, in her crib. But honestly I needed my sleep too. As I am sure many of you are aware preganancy is draining (not to mention working and taking care of a home etc), so I made the decision that even though I initially said no and wanted her in her bed, that I more so wanted to be a semi-concious mother the next day -- so into our bed.
To sum up as much as I agree we have to be straight with our children, we are also taught to have Rachamim, this is what Hashem teaches us especialy this time of year. I believe we need to have mroe Rachamim because we are human and it's not always easy to make the right decision in the moment -- sometimes we need to realize that our inital decision was wrong correct it with the right one.

amother

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 9:24 am

btw my first didn't come in for a long time, and she just started doing it. and her crying also said, hey I'm lonely. her sib is not in the room with her yet. we figured, hey it'll be ok and we'll move them together later.

besides. we have no problems B"H with intimacy since she starts out in her room. she comes in the middle of the night. one does indeed have to be a good and firm parent but know when to bend. be firm about not crossing the street without holding a hand or about not saying certain things. be gentle in the dark of the night, especially when you're both exhausted. from the time I was a child until now, the vast majority of people I have observed have experienced at least 1-2 of their children who spent a period of time sleeping in their room.

if your kid happily accepts the firmness, Hashem bless. but when you're expecting, or working, or both, or running a busy household-can't always be unbending.

amother

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 3:21 pm

This is the cruel, unbending amother...just an FYI, I am also working full time and taking care of the house etc but not (yet) pregnant with a second, so I totally understand how much easier it is to just give in and have your sleep (even though uncomfortable, while being kicked etc). HOWEVER, if you don't get your sleep for a couple of nights and implement a firm NO in the long run you will be getting a lot more sleep because beH eventually she will learn to sleep in her own bed the entire time. I never said you should never take the child into bed, I was just commenting on saying NO and then giving it, better to just give in right away beucase otherwise your "no" is devalued in your kids' eyes, that's all I wanted to say.

Much hatzlacha to you, OP Tongue Out

amother

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 4:09 pm

Quote:

This is the cruel, unbending amother

hey nobody said you were cruel! chas v'shalom! sorry if you took it that way.

just meant that different kids & parents need different things. you brought up a valuable point, and I heard an important point in the OPs statement of "I listened closer and heard that my child needed me" or however she phrased it. oy vey, don't take it the wrong way. I'm sure you're a lovely mommy also.

amother

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 4:13 pm

Quote:

your "no" is devalued in your kids' eyes, that's all I wanted to say.

Interesting aside, btw, that an important aspect of chinuch IMHO, is also that your kids should learn that sometimes it is okay to back down from no. I actually respected my parents very much when sometimes they would say no, then think about it and say, "actually I was wrong/spoke too quickly/etc and yes instead." Know what I mean? after all it's about gauging the important things in life.

sometimes I give in on that extra cookie just because it's Shabbos, or go back in one more time for another hug. granted, sometimes I don't also. Wink

happymom

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 7:34 pm

its normal for an 11 month old to wake up during the night/. I know its hard, but at that age they can also start having bad dreams... or want to check ure still there.....

also my pholosophy is to say yes whenever possible and no only of something is dangerous or really cant be dont at the moment. so before saying no I always think, am I sure this should be a no. and yes I agree if we realize we made a mistake we can change our mind.

the point isnt wer should say no to "teach the who the boss is" the point is rather that IF we MUST say no, its no and they need to know that for thier own benefit because no means no. thats a healthier reason then the other.

juko

Tue, Aug 28 2007, 9:54 pm

My 2 1/2 yr old has been waking up once during the night for about 6 months now. I tried e/t from being very firm to just letting him come into my bed. I also took away his bottle. But its been over 6 mts and he is till waking up no matter what I do. I usually do not let him into my bed but I have learned to accept the fact that he wakes up every night. I think you just need to accept the fact that this is the situation and deal with it. Trust me it will not be forever. One day you'll realize that its becoming less and less often, and that it just happened, not because you did s/t drastic like let her cry or not give her a bottle or whatever.