Question for those who can't afford basics and are in debt

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Feb 20 2018, 11:49 pm

I can't pay my rent this month. I owe a few thousand dollars on my credit card. Dh is unemployed. I work several jobs but all low paying and tuition is a lot, even with a break.

For those who have been in this position, what happened to you? Were you on the streets? I mean I literally am afraid I won't have a place to live and I'll be evicted. The charity organization wont help us anymore. Don't really have anyone who can help as parents don't have money either.

What will happen? How do you pay off debt and ever get out of this rut? I'm in a low paying field and too old to go back to school.

Please share what happened to you ONLY if you've been there. Don't post if you don't know and have me thinking facts that aren't true.

Thank you.

thunderstorm

Tue, Feb 20 2018, 11:58 pm

We have been through tough times like this , so I could relate. Baruch HaShem things have turned around for us. But during that time , we borrowed money from a gemach to pay the rent after being late for a month and we paid the gemach back with our tax return. We did not pay tuition for many months and my kids were thrown out of school temporarily until we gave the school our credit card to pay part of what we owed . We also were in credit card debt and only made minimum payments.
My DH took on extra jobs but it was a struggle and difficult. I was not working at that time. Once I went back out to work and my DH got himself better employment, we were able to pay back all our debt and get back up on our feet.

zigi

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 7:10 am

camba helps with housesing also try the met council etc. some community councils help with grants to learn a trade. there is also suny that teaches a trade for free for dh. I know that it is ny info but maybe could help someone else.
you are never to old how about polishing skills that you have. seriously my mil is back in school she is 60+
1 month of rent depends on where you live it could be ok more than that etc... but I did hear of a place that helps with payments. camba I think try the councils.
focus on getting by and paying down debt later

amother

Navy

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 10:28 am

zigi wrote:

Where is camba? Kensington?

amother

Oak

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 11:35 am

Well, I just finished unpacking a few bags of clothes that someone anon left at my doorstep... OP I'm with you. I hear you loud and clear. For us rent came before tuition or anything else... My kids were recently kicked out of school for a few days, but what else am I supposed to do? I do what I can and daven to Hashem that it works out.. And He helps.. He really does...
With Purim coming up and all these fees the kids want for school I feel like I'm drowning. It sounds petty.. $5 for a carnival? Just pay it! $6 for MM for the teacher? Just pay it! Only I know what my bank account looks like, they may as well be asking for $600 because it wouldn't make a difference, I simply don't have it. But you know what? I keep reminding myself, every year there's purim, and every year they're managed to be in costumes and nobody is the wiser....they don't know what I went through to get them dressed up.. I remind myself that Hashem gives everyone their nisyonos, and if this is mine... Then BH. I see people who have real devastating problems and my heart breaks for them. I think of them as I try to keep my chin up to the rest of the world.. Even if my kids have been sitting home without reason...
Hugs to you OP, it's not fun, but we try our best and just turn the rest to Hashem. Do you have a rav you can speak to as someone else mentioned? Are you eligible for public assistance? They take care of tuition, food stamps and health care for you...
Remember, things always have a way to work itself out.. And for the poster who suggested going back to school, ITA. Low income families can get great breaks on tuition in addition to a CUNY option which is exceptionally cheaper tuition than the rest. It may sound strange, but iyh in the end it will be worth it for DH to find a high paying job! I wish my husband would go, he doesn't have the head for it.
Hatzlacha raba OP, you are not alone!

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 11:53 am

amother wrote:

I know people who have pulled themselves out of this situation (enough that I feel comfortable sharing some advice).

First, stop paying tuition. As much as I believe tuition should be a priority, it should not be based on having a roof over your head.

Is your husband's unemployment temporary? Did he just lose his job? If he isn't spending every day all day looking for a job, try to find ways for him to pull in more money. Can he tutor? Can he be a sick day babysitter? Can he temp?

If you think this situation is more permanent, can you find a cheaper place to live? That might mean all of you in a studio until you can afford more. Or moving further out.

I'm a big fan of Dave Ramsey. If your expenses are too high for your current income, you either need to cut your expenses or raise your income. Look at every single expense and see if it can't be trimmed. Can you eat more rice and beans? Can you lower the thermostat by 2 degrees and put on more sweatshirts? Can you unplug appliances when not in use? Even minor pennies are pennies you don't have to deeper into debt for.

If there is nothing to cut (or even if there is), look at how to raise your income. You are never too old for going back to school. There's a program in NJ that will cover the cost of a masters plus something like $25,000 while you are getting your masters if you would be willing to teach in Newark. Look into programs like that wherever you are. It's a guaranteed job AND a degree.

Good luck. Getting stuck in a loop of poverty is really tough.

southernbubby

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 12:02 pm

I must say that I admire the emunah of those who have gone through it and have had their children excluded from yeshiva.

I also see that as a frum society, we have tacked on so many added expenses such as MM for the teachers and goodies for every kid in the class, etc. and I see that in everything such as, for example, it is the role of the community to provide the first meal for a shiva house but many communities have extended it to all meals and are feeding more than just the mourners themselves to the community is now pressed to give more to this and other situations such as a sheva brachas for every single night of sheva brachas. All of those are nice things to do but when the bar is raised for everyone, there will always be those who can't participate and then others often won't help them to the same extent that they help those who are able to always participate.

While exercising last night, I watched some frugal youtubes and it is eye-opening what people can do without or make themselves. Disposable goods is one example and cleaning products are another. Women are learning how to give their husbands and sons haircuts and other skills to keep the money in the family.

Shoshana37

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 12:45 pm

Oy I’m very sorry you are going through this as I can definitely relate to your situation. I owed rent for 3 months and Gemach and all other agencies turned me down because I wasn’t frum then anyways I sold all my jewelry and received $3k for it and paid my rent. My jewelry worth a lot more than that but I had to pay rent. Credit card I paid with tax return Bh we still struggle here and there but at least we both have jobs to pay things slowly.
Good luck it’s definitely not easy and very stressful

Mommyg8

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 12:47 pm

southernbubby wrote:

No matter how frugal someone can be, there are some expenses of frum living that can't be whittled down. Tuition is one, and housing costs - as frum housing is usually more expensive - is another.

southernbubby

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 12:53 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

No matter how frugal someone can be, there are some expenses of frum living that can't be whittled down. Tuition is one, and housing costs - as frum housing is usually more expensive - is another.

we may be headed for a day when parents are homeschooling their girls because they simply can't afford all those tuitions

we may also be headed for a day when families look for cheaper communities such as where I live

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 1:04 pm

southernbubby wrote:

call these people:

https://www.apartmentguide.com.....0523/

There is also Lincoln Briar apartments.

most are well under $1000 but some have an occupancy limit and won't take large families

you can also see if Yeshiva Beth Yehuda apartments have a vacancy but I don't know who to contact for that so call the yeshiva

Any private home rentals?
How much do they go for?
Small size fam.

southernbubby

Wed, Feb 21 2018, 1:49 pm

I do think that it would be great if each community would form support groups for those who were facing severe financial hardships because I see that together people could strengthen each other and maybe give each other ideas about ways to solve the issues. There are support groups for other various types of nisyonis but we seem to be forgetting that this is no more of something to hide than illnesses or infertility and we would encourage those with addictions to go to support groups but financial hardship isn't in that category, nor is it an illness. Nevertheless, it is a real difficulty that people could face together as a group.