New first grader is a perfectionist - help!

Ima'la

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 11:13 am

DD just started first grade. Yesterday, after her first real day of school, she came home and spent 2-3 hrs. (no exaggeration!) on her homework. At first I thought, "What kind of teacher gives first graders so much homework on the first day of school?!?!" but then I thought about what she had - it was five pages, all of it coloring. Part of what took so long is she decided to color a train of the months of the year (in other words, 12 cars!) in STRIPES - pretty time consuming with her thin markers!

But the bigger problem than the time-consumingness is that she has a complete MELTDOWN when she makes a mistake - for example, when she realized that she had been coloring the "3's" in her color-by-number the color that the 2's were supposed to be, and when she left the wrong number of blank lines in between lines that she was supposed to color in on a different page. She was crying hysterically. I tried to help her fix things as best as possible, but she was still upset that it wasn't perfect.

The issue is not that she is afraid of the teacher. I discussed it with her, and it seems that she innately wants it to be perfect. She also wants her teacher to see a perfect paper, but that's not the main thing, and she wasn't upset because she was afraid the teacher would yell at her.

Any ideas of how to handle this? How to help her calm down?

greenfire

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 11:27 am

wow - tough situation ... one of my dd's is like that ... she needs it all perfect ... she is now in 8th grade still wants things perfect ...

let her know that it is okay not to be perfect ... that nobody is perfect and you love that this is what she wants - but she needs to do the best she can ... and chill ... im sure her stuff is beautiful !!! tell her greeny said so ...

try to give her alloted time so she is aware of how long she does homework ... maybe this will help ...

Mrs. XYZ

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 10:49 pm

zeldy wrote:

anxiety- see a therapist.

I hope you weren't serious!

Was she always like this?
It sound pretty normal to me, since shes starting a new grade with brand new supplies and stuff, shes worried about 'patchkening' up her things the first day!

HindaRochel

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 11:24 pm

Sit with her as she does her homework. Praise her work as she is doing it "I love the colors you are choosing" type of praise, not "Your work is good" type. ie, specific praise of what she is doing. If she makes an error say something along the lines "Oh well, you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, that's how we learn."

Many children are like this in first grade.

Ima'la

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 10:50 am

lol - good thing I happened to have noticed the toilet training - afraid to make #2 thread - rebeca, I guess your post was meant to go there!

Thanks for the advice e/o - B"H, today (3rd day of school!) was much better - she spent a much more normal amount of time on the homework, even had time to play with a friend, and when she made a mistake on the homework, she only got a little upset - not hysterical - and when I suggested a way to correct it (that would still leave it looking imperfect), she immediately accepted my suggestion. Aaahhhh....

gryp

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 11:01 am

My 4 year old is also a perfectionist. I noticed this a while ago and have been trying to ease him up a bit since then. He refuses to wear a nice shirt while he eats in case he gets it dirty. I think I've washed his Shabbos shirt maybe once since I bought it half a year ago, and he does wear that while he eats on Shabbos. He needs to say every word that he davens on the proper page.
I teach him to relax and not be so uptight. It helps when I tell him to take a deep breath, and it relaxes him to deal with a situation.