I divorced my cleaning lady

marina

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 10:55 pm

amother wrote:

Jealous much?

Amother Denim, I want to encourage you to post this -and your other posts here - under your username. I posted a snarky comment and I did it honestly under my username. You are posting a sharp, snarky critique of my comment and so you too should feel comfortable to do it under your username.

I won't be offended and if we are friends, your comment will be more effective than an anonymous stranger's.

Also, you learn a lot about yourself when you post your snarky comments under your username. You think more and you accept more and you can change more. It's all around better.

Cheers! Cheers

marina

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 11:10 pm

amother wrote:

If you are against people hiring cleaning ladies,

A. Don't open a thread called "I divorced my cleaning lady".
B. That doesn't excuse sarcastic, offensive remarks that were totally uncalled for. OP did something which was hard for her but she felt was the right thing, and wanted some acknowledgment. Why be mean?
If I was an anti-Zionist and opened a thread marked "Why I love Yom Haatzmaut" or "My son in the IDF" just to make a mean comment, everyone would jump all over that. Why is this different? Because we're used to Marina making offensive comments?

Sometimes people and their problems come across as entitled. Have you ever had that experience? Does that mean you were jealous of these people?

I recently was at a yom tov dinner where the hosts were complaining about the problems with their personal chef and nanny and how you can never find good help anymore. To them, these problems were real and they maybe wanted acknowledgement of their challenges. To other people, they sounded like caricatures out of a show.

I have no idea, maybe OP has triplets or crippling anxiety or some other serious condition. But the sentence I commented on - it got so bad that I preferred to clean on my own - came across as somewhat entitled.

amother

Denim

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:12 am

Marina,

I posted anonymously not because I was scared to use my username, but because I was embarrassed at the comment I was making.
I felt the need to reply sarcastically because I didn't think you would even notice a polite criticism, but I don't like the words that I used and don't want it associated forever with my username.

I think you are ridiculously smart, very witty and have a very honest viewpoint on many issues. Though I don't always agree with your ideas, I usually enjoy reading what you have say, but notice that you often to sarcasm to demean opinions that do not line up with your own.
It's okay to disagree.
It's okay to post a nicely worded alternative opinion.
It's okay to roll your eyes at someone else's first-world problems, and maybe it's even okay to start a S/O bashing said problems.
But IMO, to bash someone on a thread they started for support is like walking into someone's house as a guest and loudly criticising the food, decor... etc.
Not okay.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 6:55 am

Thanks for all the supportive replies. I mainly posted just to get it off my chest and sort it all out in my head. Deep down I’m still afraid I made a mistake and that the new one won’t show and I’ll be left hanging. But writing it all out helps me see that I made the right choice. Even though the old one used to come on Thursdays as well and this one is only available Tuesday for now.
And for those who are jealous I can only say get a grip. Not everyone has the same reality and the same circumstances. Get over it. I didn’t go bragging in your face. You opened my thread.

carrot

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:13 am

marina wrote:

I have no idea, maybe OP has triplets or crippling anxiety or some other serious condition. But the sentence I commented on - it got so bad that I preferred to clean on my own - came across as somewhat entitled.

I'm usually pretty sensitive to how people talk about cleaning ladies but I'm failing to see the problem here. When you pay someone to come work you ARE entitled to their help. If they are not actually helping you, it's perfectly fair to recognize that and let them go. There's nothing disrespectful about that. The cleaning lady was not coming out of kindness or to socialize, it was work for pay.

What if you substitute "painting" for "cleaning"? You hired a painter but they splattered paint everywhere and missed some spots, to the point that you realised it would be easier to just do it yourself...

SpottedBanana

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 8:26 am

carrot wrote:

This!! Or organizer, or mover...

marina

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

I will consider your critique and maybe tone down my snarkiness.

But is the general rule you offered really accurate? We cannot criticize anyone on a thread they started for support? Is that really a thing? There are so many threads where people need - and get - a kick in the pants instead of support:

* I didn't get the push present that I wanted!
* My parents are not going put down a deposit to help us buy our new 500K home!
* My inlaws didn't buy us a vacation package this year like they did previously!

Sometimes it seems like half the threads here are like this- someone comes asking for support and someone else explaining that the poster shouldn't be whining in the first place. You can review the current threads and see this pattern frequently. Do you always disagree with this approach?

Raisin

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 2:48 pm

OP< I am going to disagree with Marina here (even though I quite often do agree with her). You don't come across as entitled. Marina, get yourself some cleaning help if you want it and can afford it and feel you need it! Provide someone else with some honest work. I'm sure you will treat them and pay them well. Cleaning toilets is the easiest job btw so have them do other stuff you don't like doing.

My cleaning lady is very sweet and works really hard but I do on occasion get frustrated with her occasional forgetfulness and lack of organisational skills. But I have had several cleaning ladies and none of them have been amazing at everything. So I am hesitant to let her go since I am not convinced I will find anyone better.