Moving for the sake of high school? Should we?

amother

Turquoise

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:06 am

We live in a small, way OOT community. We have a few Jewish elementary schools in the area but none that are our hashgafah. Same goes for high-school. The families that live here that are in the same boat try to make the best of it. Or they send their child away for high school or the kid just goes to public high school.

We have an opportunity to move to another OOT community which happens to have day school and high school that fits our hashgafah. My oldest child wants to move because high school is close at hand and the thought of going to what we have for Jewish high school is not setting well.

We've been here several years already and we have made some roots and been involved in the community. Aside from the high school issue we have adapted to some extent and my DH and I are relatively happy here in the sense we have good solid jobs, good friends and feel part of the community .

But the high school issue is a big negative.

I would be afraid to move for an ideal that may not even exist to our standards.

amother

Maroon

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:14 am

What's the ideal for your standards? Would the high school in the other town not work for you? It's really hard for a high schooler to be away from home or to stand out in public school.

I would move for my kids' education. It's how we chose where to live in the first place.

I'm going to take a leap here, and beg forgiveness if I am wrong. From the fact that you wrote "hashgafah" and not "hashkafa" I'm guessing that you didn't have a yeshiva education. Does that mean that you have a rabbi/mentor who can help you out? Perhaps you can refine what you (and more importantly, your children) need in a high school. What kind of community will be supportive and welcoming?

I hope it works out for the best.

amother

Papaya

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:22 am

I went away from home for high school, but that was something I was expecting for years.

If your DD is not expecting to be sent away from home, I would definitely go try out your target school for a few days and see what you think.

Yes, it is worth moving for, but you should make sure that to the best of your ability, you can consider it a reasonable choice. Every decision comes with pros and cons, and you will certainly miss your current location, but if you know you made the best decision you could there will be no room for second guessing.

amother

Oak

Wed, May 23 2018, 4:47 am

I went away for high school . There were several girls who boarded at families. With very few exceptions we were all miserable. My friend was zexually abused by the father of the boarding family. I was yelled at and made into a slave by one of the families I was at.
It was only years later that I realized that my father had a very marketable profession and could have easily moved to a community that had an appropriate high school for me.
I'm still angry at my parents.

Ruchel

Wed, May 23 2018, 8:11 am

We consider a move, because for our boys, a yeshivish school with good chol would mean more than one hour each way. We still have time as we have until high school, but after that... We might move.

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 23 2018, 8:25 am

I would move.

You need to do your research, though. Make sure you can find jobs in the new community. Check out the cost of housing. Attend shul and talk to people there. Try to talk to parents who send to that school.

Basically, do what you would do on a pilot trip before making Aliyah.

I hope you find the perfect fit. Your kid's future is worth it.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, May 23 2018, 9:27 am

Do you have other children? How old are they? How much time before your oldest goes to high school?
I would invest the time now to spend time and particularly shabbosim and YT in the new community you are thinking about. How far away is it from where you are now?
I might even if possible rent a place for the summer or somehow send the kids to camp with those kids to start friendships.
Sounds like a good plan to move unless it is a community in which you feel you won't fit or most of your kids won't be happy.
High school is very important. As are your child's wishes to attend one that fits you all.
If you have other children you will hit this wall over and over so makes sense to go all in and see if you can successfully move.
So if you have the opportunity take it nothing is in stone.
good luck

amother

Turquoise

Wed, May 23 2018, 11:04 am

We have a community in mind as a possibility that we have been to before on a few occasions. The high school question we have delayed and delayed. DC has one more year before high school but yes, we will continually have this problem with other children as well.

Ruchel

Wed, May 23 2018, 12:45 pm

I want to add that yes, if you won't have parnassa, don't move.
If the kids prefer commuting to moving, think hard.
Now if it's about dorm, I'd never consider it unless MAYBE the kid wanted it absolutely..

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:19 pm

We're planning to move shortly, in advance of our oldest reaching Jr high, which is when the schooling options locally really don't meet our standards. It's difficult in the sense that we've been here all our married life, and we are generally otherwise happy. But education in the formative years really overrides those challenges (for us), so we're set on making the move. Dorming would mean a plane ride away, which is not acceptable to us.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:38 pm

We came from an OOT community where kids were commonly sent away. Our time is so short with our kids that I don't want to do that with my kids. The opinion here is pretty consistent it seems and our previous Rav agrees as well. It's hard to make the leap though if success is not guaranteed, which it never will be. I've spent several years in a career position in which I would consider it now "ideal". I doubt I will be able to reproduce it elsewhere but who knows. Paranassa shouldn't be a huge factor for me though but it could change a little. I don't know how families like us here really did it raising older kids.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, May 24 2018, 3:15 am

We have an older DC who went through the school system in our current city and we weren't super thrilled with it. Then we have a few of opposite gender who are doing fine and then a younger one of older DC's gender and we might move when our youngest is in elementary school and siblings will be out of school. I don't really want my youngest in the same school that older DC went to.