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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
LovesHashem
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:02 pm
amother wrote: | It's not really control "issues", but feeling out of control in a chaotic, unpredictable world, and grasping for an anchor.
The red flag for me about this possibly being the issue, was OP saying that her dd wants to switch schools now bec. she "had a hard year academically, to put it mildly, and is feeling vulnerable". |
That is HOW YOU felt. There could be a million unhealthy bases for this behavior, just because yours was based in something does not mean OP's DD has the same base.
Not unvalidating you, just trying to show you that DD may have a different sitch than you.
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:24 pm
LovesHashem wrote: | That is HOW YOU felt. There could be a million unhealthy bases for this behavior, just because yours was based in something does not mean OP's DD has the same base.
Not unvalidating you, just trying to show you that DD may have a different sitch than you. |
Of course. What did I say? Just that OP should perhaps question what is driving this.
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LovesHashem
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:26 pm
amother wrote: | Of course. What did I say? Just that OP should perhaps question what is driving this. |
Great! Were on the same page then.
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amother
Aubergine
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 1:21 pm
I'm a Breslover but you wouldn't know it to look at me...I look like a regular yeshivishe middle-aged mother and my husband is litvish to the core. OP you're so gebencht that your daughter is yearning for connection to HKBH! My teen girls are into their friends and having fun. Not a lot of depth yet. Good girls though, b"H, I'm very grateful.
But nope, no way to the doing hisbodedus alone at night as a teen or woman! Not safe! I wake up early while it's still dark and no one needs me...I have a quiet corner in my living room where I can sit and talk and cry to Hashem. Maybe you can talk with your daughter and figure out how to give her time and space in the house where it's quiet and she won't be interrupted so she can really pour her heart out to Hashem. And maybe sometimes you can arrange to go with her someplace like an isolated beach or a protected nature area, away from people, and the two of you can separate a little and do your own thing, but both be talking intensely to Hashem...you might like this hisbodedus thing!
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amother
Mint
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 1:31 pm
amother wrote: | I'm a Breslover but you wouldn't know it to look at me...I look like a regular yeshivishe middle-aged mother and my husband is litvish to the core. OP you're so gebencht that your daughter is yearning for connection to HKBH! My teen girls are into their friends and having fun. Not a lot of depth yet. Good girls though, b"H, I'm very grateful.
But nope, no way to the doing hisbodedus alone at night as a teen or woman! Not safe! I wake up early while it's still dark and no one needs me...I have a quiet corner in my living room where I can sit and talk and cry to Hashem. Maybe you can talk with your daughter and figure out how to give her time and space in the house where it's quiet and she won't be interrupted so she can really pour her heart out to Hashem. And maybe sometimes you can arrange to go with her someplace like an isolated beach or a protected nature area, away from people, and the two of you can separate a little and do your own thing, but both be talking intensely to Hashem...you might like this hisbodedus thing! |
I'm chasidish from birth. But hisbodedis was never a topic by us. The only time I heard this term is when we learned about Bal Shem tov or other chasidish rebbes that spent ours in the forest doing hisbodedis. I never knew what it means. I thought of it as something not done today. I would think it's queer or creepy if my teen would want to do it. The way you say it just pour out your heart to hashem makes it sound normal. I never thought of it that way...thanks for clarifying a myth I had...
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 1:56 pm
Rebbetzin Henny Machlis spoke about hisbodedus in the book about her - "emunah with Love and chicken soup" and she pushes everyone to do it. She says how you dont need to do it outside or at any specific time. She says you should find a time and a place where you can be alone just you and Hashem with no distractions. It can be in your room or by a lake or in your backyard...
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amother
Brunette
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 2:08 pm
OP here - yes that is exactly right. She had a really really hard time in school and I think that turning to strengthening her emuna was her coping mechanism. Like Hashem is sending this to me out of love, so that one day I'll be able to help other people struggling, etc. So I definitely see it as reactionary, although I can't say that developing herself spiritually is a bad thing.
I already spoke to the school she wants to switch to. It's actually a school she had applied to, but ended up choosing a different school. The school told me that their is a near-zero chance that they will accept her now, but she wants to try anyway.
I agree with everything said above. Need to figure out a way to guide her to balance.
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amother
Taupe
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Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:26 pm
amother wrote: | Teen daughter has been learning chassidus this year and has been learning about hisbodedus. She says that it's best done outside, not in her bedroom. I told her that I'm not comfortable with my daughters being out alone at night. It wouldn't bother me if she went with a friend, but she says the whole point is to be just her and Hashem. I know she is sincere - this isn't a ruse to meet boys or something, she is sincerely working on her avodas Hashem. Any ideas what to tell her regarding sitting out on a bench at night? Any other moms of teens come across this?
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I found this: http://breslovcenter.blogspot......dedus
But, OP, I agree with you, I would be concerned about my daughters going out alone into the night. Trust your gut -- ALWAYS.
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