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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Coral
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 Thu, Aug 23 2018, 11:09 am
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please let me know if it's the right thing to do - to travel to be Menachem Ovel my brother's wife who is now in Toronto while I am in New Jersey; or would a phone call/skype be enough. thank you!
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Iymnok
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 11:16 am
If you go, there are halachos. Walk in, sit down and say nothing. Let the Avel set the tone. Only speak once they’ve spoken.
Regardless if in person or by phone, finish with "Hamakom yinachem eschem b'soch sha'arei Tzion v'Yerushalayin (v'lo yihye avla od)."
A written note with some positive memories or encounters is usually appreciated.
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amother
Emerald
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 11:24 am
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To add to the above - you are certainly not obligated to travel. A short phone call followed by a long email is a nice way to share memories. It's awkward for an avel to make time for a Skype call.
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flowerpower
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 12:26 pm
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Phone call should be enough. You live pretty far to go pay a shiva call. If you are very close to her and she can use your support physically then consider making the trip.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 12:30 pm
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More emotional stuff is GREAT by email or letter. They can choose when or if to read, and they don't have to maintain façade.
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amother
Wine
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 1:02 pm
| amother wrote: | | please let me know if it's the right thing to do - to travel to be Menachem Ovel my brother's wife who is now in Toronto while I am in New Jersey; or would a phone call/skype be enough. thank you! |
When I sat shiva many of may friends and family members were far away, about the same distance as you are from your sil. If you feel close with your sister in law and are able to make the trip I know it will be very much appreciated. I can also tell you I had no bad feelings to anyone who wasn't able to come. If you can't make the trip a phone call is fine.
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zaq
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 4:13 pm
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No obligation to travel but for sure make a phone call. Travel might be nice if you have the time and the means but not if you'd have to stay in your sil's house and thus be a burden on whoever is keeping house for her at this time. Nobody is going to EXPECT you to travel that far.
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amother
Bronze
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Thu, Aug 23 2018, 4:19 pm
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When I was sitting shiva, two of my husband’s brothers came with spouses on the one day I sat shiva in New York. Another brother and his wife and my in laws flew in for the day to be menachem avel in person. The ones who were too far called. All were appreciated. Really you just have to show you care and listen.
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