I have lost 100+lbs and kept it off for 6 years AMA

DVOM

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 8:45 pm

amother wrote:

how please??? I’m so desperate!

I feel for you amother. I know what that desperation feels like. I'd tried everything. I remember how desperate I was when I started. I was not yet thirty years old when I started OA, and I felt like I was going to die if I couldn't figure out some way to stop eating. No matter how badly I wanted to, I just couldn't stop. I was so successful in so many other areas of my life, but when it came to food I was crazy. I will never forget my rock-bottom: I'd gone to the park with a friend, and our kids had scattered bubble blowing toys all over the floor. As we were packing up to go I was bending down to collect the toys. "Don't honey," my friend said, "I'll do it." I remember thinking: She's treating me like I'm nine months pregnant, or like I'm an invalid. That's how I look, how to seem to other people: like I'm so disabled that I can't even pick up after my own kids. I went to my first meeting that night and had my first day of abstinent eating the next day. I needed that desperation, or I don't know how I would have done it. I often think about this when I clean the toys up at the end of a long day. I'm so grateful to be quick, agile, to have energy and stamina to keep up with my little guys.

DVOM

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 8:50 pm

happy12 wrote:

Are you still on OA?
They allow pasta and grains?
Or did you switch to a different diet?

Yup, still on OA.

OA doesn't have one food plan. There are lots of them, all with some variation. I know the grey sheets food plan doesn't allow any grains at all. My current food plan is called CEA-HOW. It allows brown rice pasta and some grains. It didn't for the first 4-5 months of the program though. I'm in the second 'phase' so to speak of this food plan. When I hit my goal weight I will have some more leeway with food choices.

DVOM

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 9:00 pm

amother wrote:

How do u manage Shabbat? It always derails me. I have no control and feel cheated not to eat yummy challa..my favorite food second to none...my total comfort food. Sad

It was hard at first. My shabbos used to revolve around food, and I missed the comfort and sense of well-being certain foods gave me. The thing is, while food brought me comfort, it also made me miserable. I get comfort from other sources now. My relationship with food was so total, it really hampered my ability to fully develop other relationships in my life. I can turn to god for help in a way that I really couldn't before. As I'm writing this I know it might sound a little crazy, but I think of it this way: If I had a hard day, I'd want to talk to my husband about it, but I'd also want him to go to shul already so that I could just binge already. So which relationship was stronger? Food was my best coping mechanism, but it took more than it gave in the end.

I also felt cheated and resentful when I started OA. I wished I could eat like normal people, eat enough to be full and then stop. But I've come to peace with the fact that that's not me. I'm trying to think how I've come to this place of acceptance. I'm not sure.

amother

Navy

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 9:11 pm

DVOM wrote:

Ur amazing!!
I’m reading this & thinking I might need to join OA. I Bh managed to lose 65 lbs. I want to lose another 15 but for the last 3 months I’ve been stuck. My will power is just not as strong as it was. I Bh have been keeping off the weight I lost but I can’t lose more. But I’m so afraid of OA. Can you please tell us more about it?

amother

Gold

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:49 pm

DVOM wrote:

Hey guys, OP here

Sorry to make you all wait, it was a very busy day! Just finished goodnight hugs and kisses and readings... Time to chat!

So, seems like the question is how did I do it. The short answer is I joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) which works on an addictions model for disordered eating. The basic principle is that I'm a food addict. I have a sponsor who helps me create a food plan that works for me. I talk to her almost every day and I study and (try to) practice the 12 steps of OA, which is very similar to the AA (alcoholics anonymous) 12 steps. My food plan has three meals a day that I weigh and measure. I don't eat any sugar or flour and very limited fat. I also don't eat potatoes or sweet potatoes. I used to go to face-to-face meetings twice to three times a week. Now that's not doable for me anymore so I do phone meetings and online meetings. I have never in my life been able to maintain a healthy weight before I joined OA, so for me, this is a miracle. While the first few months of getting used to a whole new way of eating were really hard, and I craved and missed old familiar foods, I can say honestly that I don't find it difficult at all anymore.

I'm comfortable answering anything you'd like to know about all this, but I don't want to bore you with details you don't want. What else would you like to know?

I’m glad it worked for you but I found it absolutely not doable. I also thought it was too extreme, with the not being able to say the names of specific foods in the rooms...I’d be curious what percentage of oa members actually stick to the stringent rules and are successful...I’d bet it’s tiny. The room I went to, consisting mostly of frum women, I’d say 99% of the (longtime) members were very overweight...didn’t instill confidence.

DVOM

Fri, Nov 09 2018, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

Have you ever cheated or ate something you shouldn't have had? Does your sponsor drop you or are you allowed some leeway?

Yes, I have. About 18 months ago I went through something incredibly stressful in my life and used food to cope with it. This sent me into a full-blown eating tailspin. It was a miserable six months of trying to get back onto my program and not fully wanting to because the draw of the food was so powerful. Thankfully, with a lot of prayers, I was able to get back on. A sponsor will not drop you if you mess up. The only qualification for being on OA is the desire to stop eating compulsively. If you have the desire but aren't quite there yet, that's ok. I've never had a sponsor dump me for being flawed or messing up.

Does your family eat the same foods as you do? Do you keep snacks for your kids in the house? What about your husband? Do you need to make multiple meals per day to feed everyone?

My husband basically eats the same things I do. He likes eating healthy naturally. Actually, when I joined OA he lost almost 50lbs, just because I was cooking and stocking our kitchen so differently. He's not a compulsive or addictive eater though. Not everyone who's overweight is. He eats whatever's available. Now that healthy food is available, that's what he eats.

My kids like some of my foods, some they think are gross. I have tons of snacks and bread, cake, cookies in the house for them. It doesn't bother me at all.

I sometimes need to make multiple meals a day, but not really because I'm on OA. I have a few very picky eaters, which really limits what I serve some of my children. But lots of times I can make meals that work for everyone with a little modification. For example, my kids all like grilled chicken, which I can eat. They like meatballs; I cook there meatballs in a sweeter sauce, because that's what they like, and make my own in a sugar-free tomato sauce.

Do you still want to lose more?

After my relapse, I'd gained some of the weight I'd initially lost. Over the past year, I've gotten back to my lowest weight. My sponsor and I have been discussing this lately. My disordered thought process about food and weight makes me always want to lose more. Right now I'm at a healthy weight and considering moving to my program's maintenance food plan pretty soon. This is kind of a scary step for me, as it means I'll in all likelihood stop actively losing weight.

How do you fit exercise into your way of eating/living? Do you attribute any part of your weight loss to increased fitness?

I wish! My life is so busy and hectic... so no fitness routine. I have found though that as I lose more and more weight I'm more and more active in my daily life. Not true exercise though.

[b]

DVOM

Fri, Nov 09 2018, 5:58 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry the program didn't work for you amother. I can only talk about my own experience. I know what you mean about the plan seeming extreme. I actually didn't find it to be extreme, even when I first joined. My eating habits were extreme. The extent of my out of control behavior with food was extreme. My desperation was extreme. It made sense to me that such an extreme problem would need an extreme solution. It actually felt comforting, to have my problem with food taken so seriously. I was worried about how it would seem to my family and friends though. And in truth, some of them had a difficult time supporting me in a program the seemed so extreme to them. It just took time. Seeing what a wonderful impact it's made on my life though has made most of the important people in my life very supportive of OA.

I don't have any statistics about how many people on OA are successful. I know many women who have been on the program for many years and are maintaining a healthy weight. The meetings I go to are full of women who are slim, but more importantly who are happy, busy and sane, who are not stuck in the terrible cycle of addition. Could you be telling yourself that only a "tiny" percent of people are successful on this "extreme, stringent" program so that you can look for an easier, softer solution to your weight challenges? For me, there was no other way, no other solution. I'd tried all the less extreme, less stringent methods. They didn't work for me. I'm finally free from unhealthy eating, and I'm happy to do whatever it takes to stay here. Maybe you're not a food addict. Maybe you just need lifestyle changes or more education about nutrition and you'll lose the weight and be able to keep it off. But I am a food addict. No amount of education or willpower will help me. That would be like telling an alcoholic that all they need is education and willpower, and they can drink in moderation. Nope, not gonna work. I need to abstain from my addictive substances (sugar and flour) and addictive food behaviors (eating huge portions, eating all day long) and have a plan to deal with all the fears, worries and resentments in my life so that I don't fall back to food to cope.

Last edited by DVOM on Fri, Nov 09 2018, 6:12 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Orange

Fri, Nov 09 2018, 9:37 am

Wow, I'm so in awe of anyone who can lose such a huge amount of weight and keep it off for so long, no matter what method works for them.
I'm also overweight and can use a minimum 50 lb weight loss desperately and have been trying to do so for so long and so many years unsuccessfully. I used to attend OA and TLC meetings but didn't find they spoke to me. I found them very extreme and couldn't commit myself to such a huge undertaking as a mother of family, working full time. But maybe these are just excuses. I actually tried here and there but never lasted too long. Maybe it's time to try again? I'm just afraid of trying and failing...
Also, I don't think I'm a compulsive overeater as I don't eat all day long and don't always think about food. I basically eat when I'm hungry but will eat whatever is available and won't necessarily make the right choices.

DVOM

Fri, Nov 09 2018, 12:08 pm

Maybe your not a compulsive overeater, Orange. I don't believe that every overweight person is.

I struggled with believing that I'm a food addict when I first joined. Here's the test that worked for me:

When I eat a piece of cake, does that satisfy my hunger, or awaken my hunger? A food addict will be triggered to want more and more and more. If you eat until your full and then stop, you may not be a food addict. If you can't stop yourself, even when you really really want to, you may be a food addict. In the end, only you can decide what's going on in your own mind.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 8:14 am

Hi -- thank you so much for posting!
What a tremendous achievement!
Can you talk more about the program itself?
What is the first meeting like?
My weight goes up and down, generally emotionally related at this point and related to health issues, but felt I couldn't go unless I was "huge" cvs. Sorry if this sounds funny but Can someone go in who looks like they are 20-40 lbs overweight?
What are the demands of the program?
is it true there are telephone and online meetings?

Really thank you so much for sharing your continued triumph and inspiration!

amother

Green

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 8:29 pm

DVOM wrote:

Do you think you’ll be able to maintain this for life?