How did Chanukah become about the gifts

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 26 2018, 4:59 pm

Just for the record, when DD was little she got gifts, mostly from relatives. I drilled it into her that the candles are the most important mitzvah, and making the brachos, and telling the story. THEN she can open a present.

Every night, she says "I know, I know, the candles are the most important!"

Now that she's a teen, she just wants the gelt so she can go shopping. Her tastes are very specific, and the relatives couldn't possibly track down the things she wants.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Nov 26 2018, 5:11 pm

Chayalle wrote:

BTW my mother A"H was an only child. Her parents worked hard to foster close relationships with cousins, so that she would have family.

I wish - not going to happen here.
yes it can be tough, sad and lonely feeling.
yes we still enjoy and have fun.
so far,gifts/toys are mostly meant to bond and spend time together (ex. books, games, crafts baking...)
it's one part of the holiday, but of course far from everything we offer and do.

simba

Mon, Nov 26 2018, 5:22 pm

Chanukah gifts are not done on Chabad circles. I believe there is no Jewish source. We do Chanukah gelt (money).
The only Jewish source for gifts is on Purim (gifts of food for friends and of monetary value to the poor).
The whole battle of chanuka was the fight of materialisim and secular culture. To let just that become part of Chanukah is ironic.
I am taken aback when I see Menorah lightings at sports games. Isn’t that what the Maccabees fought against? The sports competitions of the Greeks? What do I know!!

Miri7

Mon, Nov 26 2018, 5:59 pm

We don’t do gifts and forbid family members from giving at Chanukah. Grandparents who visit and always bring a gift do so at that time but they don’t make it any different than a regular visiting gift.

We play lots of games together so we will usually get a new game at Hanukkah for us all to learn as a family. This is more a Hanukkah tradition of playing games and getting something new for the chag and not a “present”.

We do like secular Israelis and give gifts at Rosh Hashanah. We also give nice jars of local honey to friends at that time. So we do gifts but make it a point not to do it near x-mas.

trixx

Mon, Nov 26 2018, 9:19 pm

amother wrote:

I remember hearing that it was to copy the nonJews who give out presents on x-mas. There supposedly is an inyan to give money though, not sure why.

We don't do the whole chanuka present thing. We give when we want to. I recently bought Catan (used to be setters of Catan) and my dd played it with my DH. I told her and her younger sister, remember we don't do chanukah presents Smile

We still have fun on chanukah Smile

To teach the kids to give maaser
Chinuch - chanukah - same root word

Geulanow

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 8:48 am

I read this on Stackexchange. "n the Emes Leyaakov on Shulchan Aruch on Siman 670, Reb Yaakov says that giving gifts on Chanukah is not Chukas Hagoyim, it is a Jewish Minhag and they took it from us. The reason for it is that they sent a gift with the children to the Rebbeim, and the children got gifts too because they were the shluchim. A much earlier sefer, Chanukas Hatorah, a sefer the Magen Avraham quotes in Hilchos Chanukah, speaks of giving Chanukah GIFTS"

keym

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 8:57 am

My husbands grandfather maintained that he got gifts in the shtetl.
Many men would end up traveling for parnassa- peddlers, porters, wagon drivers etc. And even those home were busy morning to night.
Chanuka after licht, fathers would learn, chazer, or just spend time with their kids and would give gifts. Gelt, candy, toys, treats. The men would also try to bring fabric so their wife could get a new dress or at least a new scarf or apron.

little neshamala

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 9:00 am

When my kids got old enough to realize that all their friends got gifts, we spoke with our Rosh Yeshiva/Rav about it.
I was expecting him to get a bit fiery about why we should show our we arent like the non jews and to impart proper chinuch etc etc etc

He surprised me!
Kind of just waved his hand dismissively and said its really not such a big deal, definitely not Chukas Hagoyim, and that we should use it as an opportunity to make our kids feel loved, and also to make them even more excited about Chanukah. And obviously not to only focus on the gifts.

So with that in mind we happily get them things. We tend to be frugal by nature and my kids are still young elementary age, so we can still get by with little things from five below. We give them something every night-but some nights its a tiny little thing such as a $2 sparkly hand sanitizer and holder from bath and body works or a PEZ candy dispenser or a 99 cent slime or fuzzy socks for $1....and like 2 or 3 nights they get a puzzle or game or something in the 10$ range. I realize the price will likely get more expensive as they get older, but we'll do ou best.

We also really only do the gifts after a nice bout of singing in front of the menorah, talking about chanuka, and having some family time. The gifts end up being one of the happy details, like the donuts and chanuka parties-not the focus.

In thw past I wasnt sure. But now after hearing from our Rav I happily include gifts as part of our chanukah excitement. No guilt necessary.

little neshamala

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 10:43 am

Also, I want to add-in cases like mine where we view Chanuka gifts as a part of the chag, with no problem, it's still not necessarly "about the gifts", like the title of your post.

Just like I dont make my chanuka "about the donuts" or "about the chanuka gelt". Some people might, but hey, many people often focus on the wrong things. Shavuous time many women forget the purpose of the yom tov and focus incessantly on dairy desserts. Others have fun with dairy desserts but make sure to keep the focus on the important part of the yom tov.

Its totally possible to focus on the main points of chanukah while also getting excited over donuts (I LOVE DONUTS!! ALL TYPES!! IM SERIOUSLY EXCITED!!), latkes (I love latkes too!!), dreidels, parties, and yes also gifts

amother

Blonde

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 11:03 am

I’m a jpf woman who married a man from an ocd/fanatic frum family. His family is extremely into Chanukah gifts and large parties etc. Mines isn’t.
The only explanation I see is that since they impose themselves so many chumras?social rules?restrictions?, Chanukah (and I guess Purim as well) is time to have fun! Gifts, parties, good food, relaxed conversation, happiness...everything that family doesn’t allow the whole year, they allow on Chanukah!

professor

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 11:30 am

I never buy my kids "chanukah gifts" and even if I do because there happened to be a good black Friday sale, I don't go and wrap it. Only birthday gifts get wrapped in my family. (Or wedding or new baby etc) I give them plenty of chanukah gelt and sometimes we go to the store together to spend it.