bedtime for a 4 month old?

greeneyes

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 7:57 pm

I need some advice.

Until about a week ago, my baby didn't go to sleep until 1 or 2 AM. She would often wake up from a nice nap at 10:30 PM, wide eyed and ready for fun. During the day she only napped if I sang to her, rocked her etc., and even then she'd very often wake up when I put her down. She was getting really cranky and overtired, so I asked an experienced relative whether or not there was something I was doing wrong.

Her response was that according to the books babies at this age should be going to sleep between 6:00 and 8:00, but that 9 0r 10 o'clock might be a more realistic goal. She told me to establish a bedtime routine (which I was not doing before), a bath, singing, cuddling etc. and then to put the baby in her crib and letting her cry for a maximum of 20 minutes. (Please don't bash me for this, I know that not everyone agrees with letting babies cry it out.) The crying, she said would last for about a week or 2, and then the baby would adjust. She explained to me that yes, it would be really difficult & painful to hear her cry but that ultimately I'm doing it for her good, because she needs to be able to sleep on her own without constantly waking up for Mommy...

...So we've been working on this, and it's been tough. I've been putting her in at about 9:30, she cries for 15 - 20 minutes and then either falls asleep on her own or falls asleep when we go in and pat her. But then SHE KEEPS WAKING UP every half hour or so, she doesn't start sleeping soundly, and without interruptions until about 12. After that, she tends to sleep well.

So I'd love to hear your experience. Did your baby at this age have a bedtime? Do some babies just like to stay up til the wee hours of the morning? Could that be why she isn't sleeping soundly until about midnight or so? Or does she really need that extra sleep?

I am Confused

rivkag

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 8:27 pm

I didn't put my baby on a schedule before 6 months, I felt it was too early to let her cry so I just put her to sleep when she would finally fall asleep at around 11 or 12 ( rocking, walking around...) it was very hard because I didn't get anything done in the evenings. But after 6 months I trained her and let her cry it out and she was trained within a week, since than she goes to bed every night at 7.45
Do whatever you feel is right if you want to train your baby now that's fine but maybe he wakes up so often because he is not really tired yet, maybe you let him nap too late in the evening? The best thing to do is if you want him to go to sleep earlier to make sure that his last nap was a while before so keep him up a few hours before you want him to sleep for the night.

NotInNJMommy

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 8:44 pm

Mine did something similar, and she was jsut overtired. If we were around, she would NOT fall asleep. She'd just want to watch us and "talk" to us and be social, etc.

I used the guidelines in the Weisbluth book...the title is healthy sleep habits, happy child, or something like that. I wouldn't keep her up for more than 1.5 hours, and then I'd feed her, change her, rock a bit and put in bed. I let her cry bc if I was around--if she could see me, hear me, smell me, she would not sleep. yes she cried some, but she'd fall asleep, and if she woke up in less than 45 min, I'd let her wait the remainder. She needed sleep!

I would never have wanted to let her cry it out so young if it wasn't for the fact that a)nothing was wrong with her and b)nothing else worked. She got more sleep...which led to even more sleep bc she wasn't overtired anymore. She was happier and less crazy....and then so was I.

It sounds like yours is overtired. If you breastfeed, maybe make sure your supply is adequate too. I don't know your baby's personality, but trya) all the things you can to get your baby to sleep (including rocking/holding if that works) and b)then stay asleep without rocking or without you. If nothing else works, crying for 20 min for a 4 mo old is not the end of the world, and if they actually fall asleep and get the rest they need once or twice, it will help them and you to establish the routines (possibly without having to let cry anymore) to make naptime/bedtime not so dramatic...or long.

su7kids

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 10:15 pm

There is a book called The Baby Whisperer and she has a website with a forum for asking questions, after you've read the book.

My daughter uses this method and it BLEW MY MIND.

Her 5 month old daughter has a routine, and they calm her down before putting her down, and basically TELL HER its sleep time, and then they pat her back and she goes off by herself to sleep. If she wakes up, they pat her back, put her right back to sleep.

She wakes up every 2 -3 hours at night for a feed and goes RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP.

I strongly recommend this book, and the website babywhisperer.com Awesome method, and if you're consistent, it works.

My daughter's been doing it since her baby was about 2 months old, and it does NOT allow the baby to cry it out AT ALL. No crying AT ALL.

shabri

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 4:03 am

I'm a big baby whisperer fan. We worked at putting my 4 month old on the routine since birth & she started sleeping through the night at abt 7 weeks. She goes to sleep at abr 9/9:30 and sleeps until 8:00am. A big componant on the baby whisperer philosophy is the dream feed. Where you basically feed the baby in her sleep before you go to bed. This way the baby is fed and you don't wake up a million times a night.

According the BW leetting the baby cry herself to sleep is a big no-no. That breaks teh trust between child and parents. Her method is based on training the baby tio self-soothe herself to sleep. Buy the books (2 the first one secrets of the baby whisperer and the third one baby whisperer solves all of your problems) they are very worth it.

BeershevaBubby

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 5:12 am

Once we got nack from our trip to the US (Nati was about 3.5 months by then) I started giving him a bed time between 8 and 9.

We go up into his room where it's quiet, only the night light is on and I nurse him until he's mostly asleep (usually takes 15 minutes). Then I put him into his crib, cover him and slip out of the room.

Before I go to sleep, I'll nurse him while he's still sleeping (didn't know it had a technical term, but I see it's called dream feed) and he's good until about 3 a.m. when he wakes up for another feeding. Usually he goes back to sleep until 6, eats again, is up for about an hour or so and then has his first nap of the day.

You didn't mention btw, what your daughter's new nap schedule is like. Maybe she's just sleeping too much during the day?

Also, she needs to learn how to get to sleep on her own, which is one of the reasons I don't nurse my son to total sleep at night.

Abigail

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 6:13 am

my dd also just turned 4 months. when she turned 3 months it was tough settling her to sleep on her own like you said and was up from about 5pm till 12pm, we would go crazy, she was not crying the whole time just up and then was so over tired she could not fall asleep but when she finally did it was restless.
I got her into routine by setting a bed time routine, she has a bath at 6 then I feed her, read a story and sing shema then put her in her cot all done in the very dim light and soft voice. she sings herself to sleep now.

during the day I don’t let her be up for more then 2 or 3 hours cos then she gets over tired also I don’t put her to sleep after 4.30 so that at 7 she will want to go to sleep cos shes tired. At 11i wake her for a feed (bottle) and she falls asleep again straight away. and then she only wakes once in the night and usually settles with no crying after that. it took about 2 weeks of her crying herself to sleep but now she cries for about 5 min and is asleep.
good luck.

greeneyes

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 12:29 pm

Thank you all for your help. It's great to get input from some experienced Mommies!

su7kids and shabri, does the baby method work at 4 months? Or is it something that has to be implemented earlier? I'm open to trying something new, but am wondering if it would be confusing to her. What do you think?

As far as her new nap schedule, I have been trying to establish 3 naps a day. I have been watching out for signs of her being tired (rubbing her eyes, crankiness...) and have then been putting her into her crib. She tends to cry for about 5 minutes or so (for some reason it's worse at night), and then falls asleep for about 1/2 hour to 40 minutes. Kmelion, do you think that's too much?

While we're on this whole sleep issue... I have one more question. DH and I usually go out once a week, and my mother has been watching the baby at her house. We usually go out from 7 to 10:30 or so. Now that we are trying to put DD on some sort of schedule, I'm wondering how we can still incorporate date night. Basically, can she just go to sleep a little later once a week, or will that mess everything else up? Or, should my mother come here and put her to sleep, or will that also be confusing her routine since she will be getting a bottle instead of nursing? I want to do what's best for the baby, but I also don't want to forgo going out with DH since it's so important for our marriage... Any ideas?

shayna82

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 12:33 pm

my daughter is 3 months now, and she used to have her last feeding of the day at 11 or 12, then sleep till 4 or 5, then again at 7 or 8.

for the last few weeks she has been going to sleep at around 9 ish after a feeding and then waking up at 2, then 5. I liked the other way better. cuz this way its two middl eof then ight feedings, instead of just one. she also used to do a little 12-7 which was awesome!

point is, people and books say what they want, every baby has its own set of needs, and you do what works for you.

good luck!

shoy18

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 12:49 pm

shayna82 wrote:

for the last few weeks she has been going to sleep at around 9 ish after a feeding and then waking up at 2, then 5. I liked the other way better. cuz this way its two middl eof then ight feedings, instead of just one. she also used to do a little 12-7 which was awesome!

good luck!

When ds was that age I used to wake him before I went to bed which was around 11ish and feed him in his dark room, and put him back to bed and then he would usually sleep until 7. I did that for a while until I fell asleep early one day and never woke up, neither did he so I knew he didnt need the feeding anymore

shabri

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 4:18 am

Greeneyes,

Obviously its best if the baby whisperer stuff is implemented earlier. She says from birth, my friends and I contend you can't really do it well until 6 weeks. But it can be put into place later, it just takes more work and dedication. My suggestion to you is to get the books. The first one is an overview of the philosophy and then get the bigger one which is more step by step (I think she even has step by step in there on how you put a 4 month old on the routine.).

One big thing to keep in mind is that its a routine not a schedule. So it is fluid and goes with the baby. So to answer your question abt your mom putting her to bed I think it would depend on your daughter. My daughter is pretty easy going. So even though she is normally nursed before bed she is ok with getting a bottle if I am out. But I imagine there are other types of kids who would need the structure of the same every day. Another big part of her philosophy is knowing your kid and figuring out what works for them and their personality type. By the way, she is also against nursing your child to sleep. The point is to teach them to sleep on their own. I nurse my baby (4 months) between 8 & 8-30 and then about 15 minutes later we say shema, sing some songs and she falls asleep by about 9 (most often until 8 the next morning)

To answer the dream feed questions, yes I find it works amazingly. I try not to wake my daughter up. I think she takes what she wants. Sometimes she will take 2 oz and very often she will take between 5 & 6 oz. The only problem that I found was that I couldn't nurse her for the dream feed. So I (or my husband) give her a bottle instead. I do have friends to can nurse for the d.f., it just didn't work for me. (Prob the biggest point in her philosophy, figuring out what works for you and your family. I don't take everything in the books as fact, but most of it makes so much sense and works so well for us, that I am a huge beleiver in it!)

su7kids

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 7:56 am

greeneyes wrote:

I know that my dd gives her baby a bottle and it works.

I strongly recommend you get the book(s) and see what they say. I think a child can be put on a routine at 4 months, and it will work, it may take a little bit to get used to it (for both of you), but it should work.

There is so much more to the method. I see also that my dd has her baby on a schedule that she goes to sleep at a specific amount of time after she wakes, almost without fail, even if she doesn't SEEM tired, because apparently, once they seem tired, they're already OVERTIRED and won't sleep as much.

All I can say is, I saw it work, and its awesome!