Conflicts in preschool - advice from teachers please!

amother

Bronze

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 12:33 pm

My four year old son has come home a number of times with stories of kids saying mean things (you're a baby), or threatening to hurt him ("I'll make you bump").
I'd like to hear from early childhood professionals:

What is the correct classroom approach to conflicts at this age?
How should a morah address mean talk, or kids arguing over toys?

(Also, looking out because I don't want him bringing this behavior home to his little sister!)

TIA

deams

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 12:51 pm

I think it is a normal. But you must bring it up to the teachers so that they are aware of what is going on. The teachers should be role playing different scenarios with puppets or dolls and acting out the wrong and right responses. You can do the same with your son to empower him in what he should be saying or doing. If the teachers brush you off then that would be concerning. Please be on top of the situation so it does not escalate.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 1:15 pm

My mother in law babied her youngest like crazy, to the point that he was behaving like a baby at 5/6 years old. He would come home crying that the kids tease him and when she called the Rabbi about him the Rabbi said that he's sorry, but this boy really behaves like a baby and no one wants to play with him. Theres only so much a rabbi can do.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 1:33 pm

As a teacher, what would you do, assuming the situation is as described?

This child isn't babied, he is a regular, smart and sociable kid. I'm hearing of conflicts but not hearing of direct intervention. So far he told me that the teacher told him not to go near the offending kid, another time the teacher said she would talk to him (but my son said he didn't see her talk to him). Another time, the teacher moved him to a different spot, when a child was encroaching on his space physically.

Is there a way a teacher should be directly involved in the resolving the conflict?

oneofakind

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 10:07 am

I'd discuss with my child what he can do. It seems like teacher is doing something (talking, moving away) I'm not sure if at this point she needs to call in the marines. Ask your child, if someone says something not nice to you does it mean it's true? Can you ignore? What can you answer back? How can you be assertive- "I don't like it when you do that!" Isn't there the whole rest of the class of nice kids you can focus on ?

My granddaughter was at my house and complaining about my neighbor, "I don't want to go there. The older brother is mean." ( I know the kid. It's fine. Could be he made a joke or something.) I said, "You tell them that your grandfather is going to come over..." Nothing doing. I tried, "How about you tell him, Don't talk to me like that!" She brightened up and went right over and I haven't heard a word of complaint since. We need to empower kids.

octopus

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 10:37 am

amother wrote:

Just because your child didn't tell you direct interventions, doesn't mean they didn't happen. I've seen this time and time again. Young children's realities are not necessarily the same as what really happened.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 12:25 pm

octopus wrote:

Yes, I agree. Classroom observations and experiences as reported by a preschool child are filtered through their own awareness and emotions regarding what took place. Objectively, I'm fairly certain there is a more balanced approach. It could be that your son is expecting a more significant reaction, whereas the teacher is recognizing normal preschool conflicts and responding appropriately.

gumby

Sat, Jan 05 2019, 7:40 pm

My child who is three came home from school saying please go out of my personal space. This is how the Morahs handle when kids get too close to each other or jump on each other or try to take a toy away. They teach them personal space and other key phrases so they can express their discomfort effectively and not push or shove.

LittleDucky

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 1:22 am

I have had this. One kid was getting pushed around and when I brought it up to the teacher at back to school night or conferences or something, She explained a classmate was having issues, was getting OT and possibly other help, the school knew about it and was monitoring it but my kid was still getting pushed. I later Called the teacher after an incident and she said to keep calling her when I hear about it. She looks into the situation. Sometimes my kid is being bullied but sometimes it isn't as bad as my kid describes.
What I do:
I always validate my kids response. "How did that make you feel? What happened next? Etc". They want to be heard.
I don't make a big deal about it because like a kid who trips, if mom rushes over and asks repeatedly if the kid is ok the kid will start to cry for the attention or because they think they should.
I taught my kid to stand up. "Don't be a bully" "don't push me or I won't be your friend"
I call the teacher if need be. Especially if I hear something happen twice in a short span of time. I want to know what happened and what the school is doing NOW. The teacher has been implementing classroom programs for good behavior, cooperation etc. plus bullies have to sit to the side if they can't play nicely. What I liked is that the teacher had asked me to keep calling. she isn't afraid of a worried mom like some "experts" or "experienced teachers" where if I complain "I obviously don't know my child or normal child development" or some other nonsense. Some teachers deflect and blame you. Good teachers accept feedback, questions etc especially when given in a calm way.