S/O pet peeves. Children in adult conversations

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:31 pm

I'm young and have 2 little ones who are too young to follow the adult conversation going on around them especially at shabbos meals. I've been observing thou how people react to their children hearing things that are really meant for adult ears only. How do u react? Tell the adult to quiet down? Tell your child to go play? Dumb down the conversation to a child level?

amother

Aqua

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:40 pm

I'm not exactly sure what you mean? If we're hosting and people start talking about something that I feel is inappropriate in front of my children (all under age 10), I make a comment indicating that, in as tactful a way as possible. It hasn't ever come up in other people's homes when we're guests.

ETA I never send my kids away from the table! They are as much a part of the seuda as anyone else. If they ask to go play, I allow it depending on age and circumstances. But they're always welcome at the table.

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:49 pm

I host and eat out with close family mostly so maybe the general mood lends itself more to inappropriate conversations. Some examples that would make me cringe if my kids were of age
1. Tragedies and early deaths (why worry kids)
2. Homos*exulity
3. Recreational drug use

amother

Teal

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:52 pm

amother wrote:

Why would you be talking about 2 & 3 at your Shabbos table? It doesn't sound very appropriate, regardless of age.

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:56 pm

I agree and sadly dont have a good answer for that other than that sometimes meals drag out for a long time and everyone ends up on the couch and the meal is kind of unofficially over and it's a lighter atmosphere than when everyone is sitting around and singing and talking about the parsha etc

groisamomma

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 12:34 am

Along with divrei Torah and beautiful zemiros, any topic is fodder for conversation at my in-laws' Shabbos table. Especially politics, and the platforms of each side, which can get ugly, are hard for preteens to understand sometimes. If my kids ask I, or anyone sitting there, tells them. Some examples: My mil was describing someone's outfit (I think Melania Trump) and used the word s3xy, dd asked what's that so mil answered, "too attractive, the kind of shoes that makes everyone look at her" or something along those lines. Short and to the point and conversation moves on. One of my kids (I think ds) asked what gay means, I (think it was me) said when 2 men get married or something similar. The conversation just continues. No fanfare, no awkward pauses, so no big deal.

amother

Silver

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 6:53 am

Sometimes the parsha isn't rated G either.
I think it's ok to say, hey, let's keep the conversation appropriate for everyone here, but I think at some point, kids can get used to the idea that they don't understand everything.

amother

Teal

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:42 am

Too clarify: we aren't talking about the parsha all meal either, plenty socializing with mundane topics as well. These are just not the type of topics that I have ever seen discussed at a Shabbos meal.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:50 am

The topics at my Shabbos meals can vary greatly, both in our home and when invited out. If there's something I don't feel is appropriate I say, in a joking voice, "Hey, don't forget the kids are at the table" with a laugh.

Usually the kids drift away to play - we mostly socialize with people who have kids as well.