"Autism is just a doctor's way of saying...

yonabets

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:20 am

aricelli wrote:

Yonabets:
Actually- I had a very tough therapy session (tough because its so hard to see his strange behaviour sometimes) with him thursday and came home crying... called my brother (also a therapist) and said over and over “my child is weird, I’m not a good Mom, I dont want to be here” so I guess I’mnot so awesome after all- just a human who loves her kid

😀😀😀😀
You have beautifuls words(and funny..)
Hatslaha with your child😘😘
I wish more human would be like you!🤗

amother

Bronze

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 1:47 pm

I've been diagnosed with autsim. And I feel it is determined me. It is a stigma. And the stigma is real.
I've studied, I work and bh I'm having a family k'ah but I always feel the need to proof myself. To proof I'm not f*** upped.
No, I can't go to big shabbatons because it is overwhelming me, no my house is not always clean and I find it really hard to organize, sometimes I'm socially awkward don't know how to react or anything.
It always felt for me that I'm missing something essential what others do have and I don't. And that hurts me.
And however, I've hurt people with my bluntness or couldn't make it to a Simcha because all the impressions making me tired and overwhelmed. I want to be, I try to be a good person.
I'm not a chldrapist, murderer or a thief. I'm not doing fraud or assault people. I try to be the best person I can be and to raise the family with all the love I have.
I feel that people will think I can't give unconditional love to my family but I do, I feel the stigma it is just saying I'm f*** upped, stupid and a bad person.

I'm not bad, I just have my vulnerabilities and that is autism and trust me I hate every bit of it and I wish I could erase it.

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 1:58 pm

Can you find other people similar to you? Perhaps that would make you feel less alone? as a side note I met” some adult aspies on an online support group who just loved their identity - they felt they had a unique way of looking at things despite the challenges it caused them)

southernbubby

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:00 pm

amother wrote:

But this stigma is why I don't think that we should label people who are as functional as you are as having autism. So those who struggle to clean and organize or who get overwhelmed at social events are labeled with a term that means locked into one's self? What about simply being individuals with different traits and abilities? Does everyone need a label and a stigma?

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:06 pm

My little guy after much work presents as hfa and his life is so so tough! Of course I would never say its anything like your grandchilds life but neither are his challenges the same as another child his age- everything is a struggle. The term “mild” autism is a misnomer-

nchr

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:07 pm

DrMom wrote:

The comment does not sound worthy of a response.

I agree. The op needs to be rephrased to be respectful and professional. If you are asking this for a reason, then clarify. (I.E. "I have a paper for school and need to determine opinions on x,y,z." "I'm doing a social experiment to see how people respond to using profanities to describe a neurological condition..." "My husband just said this to his friend and I was taken aback." etc.).

nchr

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:11 pm

aricelli wrote:

Oh bronze! I wish I could hug you- Your pain is raw. What about your good qualities? I’m sure there are and I’d love to hear.

I'm pretty sure you did not have any hurtful intentions; however,

1. Her post clearly indicates several "good qualities" to me (I.e. determination, self-awareness, strength, etc.)

2. What makes a quality "good" or "bad?" Why is not always having a clean home indicative of a "bad quality."

3. She doesn't have to say her good qualities to prove her worth. That is what her post is about - to stop judging based on an assumption or a diagnosis but rather based on what you see/experience.

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:15 pm

Sorry nchr, sorry bronze- was meant out of a place of pure love... out of a place of a mom loving her own hurt child more than life itself....and not always knowing how to make a that hurt feel better... definately no judging! She sounded sad about herself so All I was saying is: theres a whole lot of good that I’m feeling in your writing. Hugs once again

southernbubby

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:23 pm

aricelli wrote:

There are people who are truly disabled but can talk, express emotions, and take care of their own hygiene but even though they are incapable of doing what others can do, why do we apply a label that is used to describe people like my grandson? A person who is toilet trained and able to speak is not even close to what is going on with my grandson so why do we apply the same label?

Cerebral palsy can be mild, moderate or severe but the term autism has been expanded to include people who are quite personable, friendly, and enjoyable to be around.

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:27 pm

When you see your child spinning and spinning... when you see your child playing with his urine... when your child cries that he cant make friends- and then bites the child he wants to befriend... when the guy in the shoestore makes a nasty comment about your sons repetetive sounds...
Only scratching the tip of some of what we’ve had in the past
Just saying

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:36 pm

I totally understand- I hate labels and (with my pediatricians guidance) still havent gotten him officially diagnosed because of what youre saying.
I dont make up these labels but I guess mayne sometimes its kind of like a ladder? there was nothing too enjoyable about my son pre therapy - he was a dysfunctional beast excuse my language- and now there is? ( He’s enjoyable but his struggles are real)

All I know is that when he was little and a friend (!) said
Thank gd I never had a child “like that” it hurt.
Bigtime

daagahminayin

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:41 pm

southernbubby wrote:

He put his forehead up to mine and smiled.

He once was trying to push me and I didn't know why and only later realized that he was trying to get me to give him a snack and he was pushing me to the snack.

He rarely spoke but once got upset and started crying, "lo, lo, lo" (Hebrew for no, no, no).

Thank you for sharing. I hope you have more and more of these special moments with him.

aricelli

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:43 pm

Just to describe a bit more what life was like with our little one:
The good times were when he was spinning , lining up objects because we had some quiet. Otherwise he’dbe spinning at high speed while crashing into everything purposefully (proprioceptive input) throwing stuff, breaking everything (even metal objects) urinating on the floor out of anger, playing with his urine all while making these weird repetitious noises!
Dont know exactly why I write this-...
Thanks for listening though
Its therapeutic

southernbubby

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:45 pm

aricelli wrote:

So you are describing autistic behavior but I have seen people who were diagnosed with autism who don't do any self stimulation but who are cognitively impaired and socially off. Now it may be that as children, they self stimulated but outgrew that aspect of the disorder but what we call spectrum disorders doesn't always mean autistic behavior. Maybe they should not share a label.
I knew a boy who luckily outgrew a lot of his autism but his mother was a powerhouse and he was her only child which doesn't mean that those mothers whose kids didn't make such progress failed their kids.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 2:48 pm

amother wrote:

Dear bronze
You are married and you have children.and you do your best to give them love...but you are amazing!!!!
Don't compare yourself to other people,look everything you achieve!(I 'm not autist and my home is also a big mess..my landry is a montagne...because I have ADD...!!!)
Big big hug to you!!!