What do I do? Please give advice!

amother

Lavender

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 12:42 am

ETA: I don’t even know if this is the right forum so if I should move it, please let me know.
I’m a playgroup morah and I’m having a really hard time. The parents this year are truely awful. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’ve never met such people. For a few months, I thought it was all in my head so I never said anything, not even to dh. I opened up to him about it when I thought I was really going to lose it and gave examples and he couldn’t believe it. He was shocked that I was dealing with this for so long and quietly. I then opened up to my friend and then my therapist and they were also shocked. I took some measures to try and fix some of the issues but honestly, nothing has changed. I even had a few families go to a different playgroup because it was so awful. Throughout this whole ordeal, I realized that this year has really burnt me out. I come home so exhausted from dealing with everyone else’s children (and their parents) that I don’t have the patience or headspace to deal with my own. It breaks my heart. On top of all of that, I am dealing with some serious health issues so it makes all of this even harder. I would give all of this up in a second if I could but we simply can’t afford it. My husband would love for me to leave playgroup and get his wife back. We ran the numbers and we simply wouldn’t survive without another income. My husband has asked for a raise but he’s capped off for the next two years. Due to my health issues, I must work from home but I don’t know how or what I would even do. These per diem websites or freelance websites worry me because we really do need a steady income. Does anyone have any suggestions? This is really taxying on my physical and mental health.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 1:05 am

meyerlemon44 wrote:

I would set some hard limits with parents about their behavior, with explicit consequences outlined for misbehavior. At least where I live there are always more parents desperate for daycare.

I’ve tried and tried. I’ve set boundaries. I’ve let go of the hardest parents. And yet somehow (and I really don’t get it), it’s gotten worse. For example, I have a rule about sickness. If a child is sick (legitimately sick), they can’t come to playgroup. So a parent sent their child with strep. The child was absolutely miserable. I explained to the parent that he needs to be on antibiotics for 24 hours until he can come back. The parent argued that the dr said it was fine. I said that might be but it’s my playgroup and it’s my rule! The mother literally put the child down and left. Well guess what. 6/10 children came down with strep within the next 3 days, including me and my daughter.
I’m sorry- that was a vent. I just can’t take it anymore.

amother

Gray

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 1:36 am

amother wrote:

I’ve tried and tried. I’ve set boundaries. I’ve let go of the hardest parents. And yet somehow (and I really don’t get it), it’s gotten worse. For example, I have a rule about sickness. If a child is sick (legitimately sick), they can’t come to playgroup. So a parent sent their child with strep. The child was absolutely miserable. I explained to the parent that he needs to be on antibiotics for 24 hours until he can come back. The parent argued that the dr said it was fine. I said that might be but it’s my playgroup and it’s my rule! The mother literally put the child down and left. Well guess what. 6/10 children came down with strep within the next 3 days, including me and my daumghter.
I’m sorry- that was a vent. I just can’t take it anymore.

I am so sorry this sounds horrible I also do a in home group and had a horrible year last year really hated the way some parents acted like they own my time and my life. And then hated myself for letting them walk all over me I have many policies now due to burn outs over the years and will let parents know this.bh this year I was blessed with an amazing group of kids and parents and it really helps. Its really rediculos how parents act sometimes once a few years ago I also had a case where I sent a child home with fever at 11 at night the mom let me know he had 103 the next day she texts me saying he woke up no fever so she gave meds just in case and is sending and I would not let her dh drop off like sorry bit not ok!! Maybe take a smaller group and be more selective make sure people know up front your rules

amother

Lavender

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 1:42 am

amother wrote:

Oh my how did you not get burnt out?! I end up crying after the last child leaves on most days. I really relate when you said you hated the parents and then yourself. This thing that kills me is that I sent out a detailed contract with the rules in the beginning of the year. I’ve sent out texts referring to that contract (that I had them sign). I just can’t do it anymore. I honestly don’t think I have another year left in me, let alone another week. The minute I can figure out how to support my family, I’m going to give the parents some (reasonable) time to find a new place and close it down. The problem is I can’t find or think of anything!!

amother

Lavender

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 2:17 am

amother wrote:

What about emergency drop in babysitting? I think you can charge much more, so that might offset the irregular income. You could even have a special price for taking a sick child for the day. (You'll charge an arm and a leg, because you won't take any other kids that day.)

I’m looking for more of a less labor intensive job. Picking up the kids, bending down, etc is making my health issues worse. Also I can’t take sick kids, my daughter is immune compromised, although it’s a brilliant idea.

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 2:21 am

Im sorry you are going through this. I personally stay home with my child when sick.
A.) It is not fair to the child that they should need to attend babysitter when sick and deserving of more care as they are more needy.
B.) Not fair to bring all the germs to the group and subject everyone else to the germs.

However, it is extremely hard to do this. It left me a bad reputation for leaving work so much. The first year especially causes child to get sick a lot because not used to the germs. Getting a babysitter at home seemed unfair to me. She doesnt know the child and child doesnt know them. How could child be happy all day when all they want is Mommy? I am sure this is what led to the way I was treated at work and eventually I left to become a SAHM. When staying home I also felt like the babysitter was losing out on $$ she was relying on, especially when it kept happening for a day or two in a row. I would have loved to pay her for those days but I wasnt getting paid for those days off so I didnt.

Its a hard balance but I think overall the kids needs come first, at all costs. Its hard! Especially when you have a high position in a company. I could use the extra income immensly at the moment but these months I am home now will not come back and I am grateful for the time I am spending with my LONG awaited child.

I wish you a lot of Hatzlacha. IYH it will get better from here on out!
__________________________________________________________________

One thing I can suggest: If it is important to have a certain crowd, try to do the following things:

*Charge reasonable rates, even if it means a little lower than whatever ppl charge in the area. This way, you will have lots of people who will want to join and you can vet out who YOU want from those people.
*Hire an assistant who truly cares for the kids, even if it means to lose a little income. This will allow you to take in more kids.
*Accept reasonable amount of kids. Parents appreciate that.
*Charge by HOUR! Keep a min. per week, provided kids come EVERY day. Otherwise, a higher rate per hour.

Parents work hard and babysitting is expensive when totaled up. But you need to make money too. When they see they arent taken advantage of, it helps them to treat you back well in reciprocation.

My babysitter did all the above and this + the fact that she was open and honest about what is done throughout the day and who supervises is what made me send there. Each place has its ups and downs but I wasnt pleased with ANY other place I checked out in that area. (Lower # streets in Boro Park)

Good Luck!

seeker

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 5:17 am

Hopefully you keep emergency contacts on file for each child. Inform the parent that if they insist on dropping off a sick child then you will call the emergency contacts to pick up the child. Maybe they'll be embarrassed enough to make their own arrangements. If it happens more than twice the child will not be allowed back to your playgroup at all, have the parents pay each month at the beginning of the month and make it clear that if they are booted out for violating your policy they forfeit the rest of the month's payment.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 5:31 am

OP, I feel so bad for you! You are definitely being taken advantage of, big time.

Do you have any special knowledge of math, Hebrew, French, English, or other subjects? I've started tutoring in English, and I'm getting paid twice what I'm making for babysitting. It's the same amount of work, but more fun and less physically exhausting.

Granted, this is not an all day job, as I can only work after school hours, which are limited. I'm still building up clients, but I'm getting a lot of referrals and I think I'll have all my evenings booked up fairly soon.

There are plenty of kids out there that are way behind in their reading skills, and need someone patient who can sit down with them and go over the basics as many times as they need until they get it. Most importantly, they need someone who won't make them feel stupid, and who will celebrate any small victories with positive feedback. At the end of the session, praise the child in front of their parents. If you can make reading fun, they'll be a reader for life.

Librarian

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 12:03 pm

Hi I have been running a playgroup for 20+ years BH and I understand exactly how you feel! A few years ago I had a TERRIBLE group of parents - very young women who spoke to me like I was trash etc. I just wanted to quit! I was going to ask my rav if I am expected to swallow this treatment as part of my parnassah hishtadlus. But I had to keep going because I needed the money and I had already accepted the group for the upcoming year. Boruch H-shem I have never had another experience like that year. Since then, I have had wonderful parents! So I encourage you to keep trying and see how it goes next year. I also make sure to wear a sheitle, makeup, stockings, comfortable but attractive clothing every day. I think it does make a difference in how some of these parents treat you. And of course, I daven every day that HKBH should send me good children, parents and assistants...

amother

Gold

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 12:26 pm

tutoring
proofreading
virtual assistance

babysitting young kids when their parents leave for a wedding/trip (my neighbour does that. its hard work but good money, and still easier than playgroup, becuase you have one or two kids at a time. he children visit once or twice to get acquaited, then they stay for 2-6 days: she feeds them,. plays, dresses, washes... playground ...everything, till the parents return. she did 6 children so far in 6 months and she could ask for a lot of money, parents were willing to pay because they knew there babies are in excellent hands and taken care of lovingly. they were happy because they didnt have to shlep kranky sleep deprived kids from airport to chassene, to hotel to airport and home within 36 hours.)

can you bake, design wedding invitations, sewing ...are u creative enough to sell your products?

a friend designs photobooks, good money easy work (she is very creative and she admits it is fun and easy)

I tutor a LOT! I love it and its a great side income.

hazlacha, your parents sound horrbile, im so sorry you have to go through this.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 12:43 pm

If that were my first playgroup Morah - kind of difficult to deal with but worth it for convenience - she would have not taken the kid back the next morning. (well actually she would have closed the door on the kids face to begin with) Literally would have texted "you are not invited back until you resign a contract". I found her snarky but hey she definitely did lot let anyone walk over her. She would send out reminder texts before days closed with a photo of where it said that in the contract we signed. At the hint of a fever she checked and called me at work to get the child within the hour. If I was ten minutes late I paid for an extra hour. She had ground rules and she stuck to them
BTW I was a great parent! Mostly bc I didn't want to deal with her so I meekly followed everything lol