An experience that caused you to change your mind

amother

Yellow

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 7:20 am

I used to be righteously against abortion until I terminated a very wanted pregnancy at 26 weeks.

Part of the reason the termination was done so late was because I was so against the idea of abortions. It really should have been done at 20 weeks but I wouldn’t even entertain the thought.
Anyway, now I am pro choice, and realize that most people who had gone through my experience would be as well. I see people posting things that are so far from reality about late term abortions that I’m happy for them that they have no idea what it’s really like. Because I’ve been through hell and back over it, and people’s judgement only make it worse, but I used to be that judge mental person so I can’t reslly blame them.

I feel blessed to have had Das Torah to guide me and support me.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 8:08 am

amother wrote:

No words, just lots of Hug

Chayalle

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:17 am

yksraya wrote:

I used to be anti vax. I have an autistic brother and was scared and kind of brainwashed abt it too.

Now I give shots although part of me is still a little scared, but I have faith that autistic kids are from hashem regardless of if kid was vaxed or not (my brother actually wasn't vaxed) and if it's not meant for me to have a special needs kid, I b'eh won't. Bh for healthy kids, and I need to give them shots, all those illnesses are risky and scary.

Interesting because I too have a brother on the autistic spectrum, and my mother A"H actually went thru a crunchy phase which included the time when he was little. So he actually wasn't vaxed at a young age, and whatever vaccines he had were delayed and selected...so at least we always knew that it wasn't vaccines that caused his autism.

Tzutzie

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:35 am

amother wrote:

Woa did I change!
I user to always judge my neighbor why she can't control her little boy. He used to bite, scratch until bleeding, you name it. He was the craziest kid around. I never told her anything ch"v just always thought it to myself that there must be something that she can do.
Well, fast fwd a few yrs and hashem gave me 2 ADORABLE such boys. The neighbor since moved away. And every single time I meet I apologize to her again for just thinking it. Now I'm being the neighbor that's being judged and it's sooooo hard. One kid is older already so he bh mellowed ton a whl lot. But the comments I get from my neighbors are torturous. I cried so much already. I asked hashem to forgive and promised him that I had learned my lesson to never judge anybody.
Anon cuz so many ppl irl know my story.

My yummy kids are more than a handful.
They made my neighbors kids cry just from watching my kids play and run. (And yes she judges everyone who doesn't have 3 kids by their third anniversary....) no kidding. I hope she grows up without getting a child that's a "handful" of her own....

I used to see families with lots of little kids. And I was sure the mother must be neglectful or worse because it's IMPOSSIBLE to cope with so many children and give each child what they needed....
Then, one day I was outside my sister's apt and a lady came out all frustrated, she doesn't know what to do. Her baby is -unpacking her kitchen cabinets instead of playing with the toys- she "never" had that before. It was her SIXTH child.
And I was like Surprised

.
My oldest used a pillow as a step ladder to reach a kids motrin bottle with a safety lock and drank it before her first birthday!

It really taught me how different other people's experiences can be. And to stop expecting so much of myself and judging myself or others.

About the potty training issue, my sister has a kid like that. For her kid it's an anxiety issue.
It's HARD. I had her kid overnight. The poor kid. She's 5. And she made #2 twice. I cleaned her up and used it as a teaching moment for my kid to not say anything and to be respectful. (At frst she made a not nice comment) but that poor kid. And I can't imagine how difficult it's for my sister.
Hats off to you ladies!

amother

Mint

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:54 am

I used to believe that therapists were wonderful all knowing people who were the solution for most of society's problems. I thought that all the criticism of them was coming from close minded people who were in denial.

Until I found myself in a major crisis and turned to therapists myself. The experience left me agreeing with the critics and criticisms of therapists rather than those who promote it.

Although I still think that in a crisis when you have nowhere else to turn they are worth a try.

amother

Green

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

I had the opposite. I used to be pro choice because I thought no one would ever terminate a pregnancy at that point for no medical reason. But my friend's cousin terminated because she didn't feel ready to have a baby.

I feel guilty about it - maybe if I had offered to adopt the baby she would have considered carrying it to term.

leah233

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 11:08 am

amother wrote:

Former NJ Governor Chris Christie says that the experience of hearing his daughters heartbeat on a sonogram caused him to change his mind to pro life.

Once he heard that independent heartbeat he immediately stopped believing all the rhetoric of "her body her choice"

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 12:07 pm

amother wrote:

I married an extremely picky eater. I judged my Shvigger that she was probably lazy and could’ve broken his pickiness. Until I had a son of my own....that’s crazy picky and so far nothing has helped Crying

lol, you ended up with a picky eater though, because being a picky eater is partially genetic (obviously there are other contributing factors as well). That's also why there can be some children in a family who are picky, and some who aren't, all raised in the same environment (but some got the picky eater gene and some didn't)...

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 12:21 pm

I used to have certain opinions about gay people.
Then I became a school psychologist and part of my job was to help elementary school children who already knew they were gay and were being absolutely tortured by their peers over it. And gay middle school kids who were being threatened by their parents. Kids who probably wished bigger than any wish in the world to be straight.
So now I believe that some people are born gay.
I would love to know why a Jewish boy would have that horrible nisayon, though. As far as I am convinced, 5ex is a biolgical drive exactly like eating, drinking and sleeping, and the Torah didn't outright forbid any of those, but a gay person who was born that way is supposed to harm their physical and mental wellbeing by abstaining from the 5ex they need. And no, a gay man cant just sleep with a woman to satisfy his needs. And no, restrictions as far as kosher are not the same, we still get to eat!

estelle

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:54 pm

amother wrote:

It must be so so hard, which is why I believe that any gay man who abstains and manages such a nisayon is an actual tsadik, and I would get a brocha from him if I had the opportunity.
In a similar vein though, older frum singles are in the same boat, and I think they also deserve massive credit for remaining religious.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

What about a Jewish man who never gets married. He also has no outlet... Life is not about fairness, it's about what Hashem decides for each person. We don't understand.

amother

Coffee

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 2:05 pm

amother wrote:

What about couples who stay together and maintain SB for their children's sake, even though they are not so compatible or attracted to each other? They may also not be so emotionally satisfied, and yet they maintain physical/emotional wellbeing to the best of their abilities.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 2:17 pm

amother wrote:

JQY also offers a drop-in center with counselors, if you're in NY, and still in that role. It helps kids understand that they're not alone.

For me, I was a much better mother before I had kids. I never thought my kids would do ... whatever it is that they do.

A (non-frum) woman I know used to trash-talk her niece, particularly the fact that she would go away for the weekend with her boyfriend. Her niece eventually married the guy, and their first baby was born 4 years later. Her first grandchild was born 6 months after the wedding.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 2:22 pm

1. I was in a Palestinian town when news broke of a terrorist bombing in Jerusalem. Watching the reactions sent me from center-left to far-right in about an hour. (I did eventually move back, and would describe myself as center-right today, but it took a while).

2. I was always secretly frustrated with friends and relatives who kept dating (or worse, marrying) guys who were jerks, or who had all kinds of issues. What is appealing about a man who is needy or throws tantrums like a child?? Why suffer through a relationship with constant drama, only to finally break up, and then do the same thing again with someone else?

And then my cousin's husband nearly died of an overdose, and for whatever strange reason - I suddenly got it. Sure, he has all kinds of issues, and he creates drama in her life, and she'd probably be happier if she could learn to love men who have their lives together instead of fixer-uppers. But - she loves him, and he loves her. And if he had died, would it really be better, for either of them, not to have had those few years together? I don't know. I'm not saying I'd want my daughters dating an addict, but I see now that there is something beautiful in all kinds of loving relationships, even if they aren't head-smart.

3. When my child was diagnosed with autism, it instantly changed a lot of conceptions I had about autism. I hadn't realized a kid could be smiley and cuddly and love playing with friends, and still be autistic.

Cheiny

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

We all know the famous lines like

What is conservative? A liberal who was mugged.

What is a liberal? A conservative who got arrested.

Don't judge anyone until you are in their shoes etc.

I was just wondering how true this is out here. Did you ever have any very strong opinions about the world that you changed due to a personal experience or when you found yourself in "their" situation?

I don't mean opinions that slowly changed as a result of growing up or having more life experience.

I remember hearing Geraldo Rivera (who always used to bemoan the “poor suffering, innocent Palestinians who are peaceful and just want to be treated fairly,” ad nauseum) say that after his daughter, who was visiting Israel, was almost killed in a terror attack by a Palestinian, he realized the truth about the situation..,,