Would you have let your little girl sit on his lap?

honeymoon

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 12:54 am

Rappel wrote:

Because he's a friendly, fatherly type of person who likes holding children? Maybe he wanted to play a game with her, or maybe she was bored and whining to her Abba, so he thought he could help and bounce her up and down on his knees so he could still chat with the other dads?

Not everything is perverted.

This.

But a mother should follow her instincts and do what her gut tells her at that given moment.

momtra

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 1:49 am

I don’t even think it matters much whether this guy is perverted or not. We have protocols that we follow to keep our kids safe. End of story. Same thing when we teach our kids about this stuff. They shouldn’t stop to think, maybe he’s just being friendly...
Love that strategy you used.

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 3:02 am

99.9% of the time- in these situations the lovely guy is harmless and wonderful. Unfortunately occasionally he isnt. Therefore I teach my girls the only laps they sit on are their tatty and zeidys. And thats that! Ps.I give no reason until they are older and or ask and then I just say for tsnius.

amother

Plum

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 3:33 am

Why, thank you all for the validation and compliments!
I’m not sure I would have thought of it if not for the fact I had tons of nosh in my bag cos of Purim!
He did seem very nice, but I couldn’t understand why a random stranger would want to hold a child that’s not his. She wasn’t whining, she was very happy and standing next to her daddy.

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 3:59 am

amother wrote:

This isn’t foolproof either as not everyone’s tattys and zeidys are good guys, just a PSA.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 4:51 am

Agree could be innocent
Still a good boundary like Yichud
(I dont know men especially frum that would put a five year girl they didn’t know on their lap
For whatever the reason- doesn’t have to be sinister to be inappropriate clueless or not ok)

WhatFor

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:17 am

amother wrote:

I agree and I don't know why everyone on this thread is dismissing how strange it is. It's actually not usual for a grown man, especially not one with kids of his own, to want a random 5 year old girl to sit on his lap. She's not a 1-year-old. The majority of healthy adults aren't interested in having little kids they don't know sit on their laps and they would also know that the child's parents wouldn't appreciate it. In the nicest possible light, he's socially inappropriate.

amother

Denim

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:06 am

amother wrote:

This isn’t foolproof either as not everyone’s tattys and zeidys are good guys, just a PSA.

I didnt want to say that- but since you already did I’ll chime in: I wish my mom wouldnt have let me sit on daddys lap either...
Now I cant let my kids sit on zaidys lap

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:26 am

WhatFor wrote:

Because most of us are not looking for a reason to condemn an innocent man. Just because he doesn’t know not to do something, that doesn’t mean he’s socially inappropriate. Maybe what he DID was, and he just doesn’t realize. We are so quick to condemn and label everyone, we forget that we are all human, and we don’t know everything, and we make mistakes even when we DO know things.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:36 am

amother wrote:

I didnt want to say that- but since you already did I’ll chime in: I wish my mom wouldnt have let me sit on daddys lap either...
Now I cant let my kids sit on zaidys lap

I taught my kids, from a young age, that they do not have to hug Zeidy or sit on his lap (my FIL). He's a creep and I have never liked him.

But I don't agree with Whatfor that most adults don't want a child sitting on their lap. There are plenty of men who are just nice, warm, etc...and want to make other people feel good.

I still would do exactly like the OP did, because we teach our kids this to protect them. It's not socially okay these days, even if it's innocent, for a good reason.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:44 am

Rappel wrote:

I agree -not everything is perverted.

Your second answer is a good one - that he was doing some step-in parenting. He was acting for the benefit of another.

But the first - even if he's totally not a creep - I wouldn't want some man I don't know very well holding my child, because he likes holding children. He's using my 5 year old for his benefit - no thanks.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

Even if he wasn't visibly drunk, he could have been caught up in the Purim excitement.

WhatFor

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 9:01 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Acknowledging that a particular behavior is strange isn't "condemning" a man. There's a reason that there are playgrounds don't allow adults there if they're not with a child. No, the vast majority of healthy adults don't take an interest in socializing with a stranger's children.

This is especially true if you have your own children. For one, you've exhausted enough energy taking care of your own kids and their friends and you don't need to be fraternizing with children you don't know on your down time. For another, as a parent, you would be well aware that you wouldn't want your kids sitting on a strange man's lap.

This wasn't a screaming child who needed comforting. OP came back and said DD was happily standing next to her father. I don't need to take it to nth degree and say this man is definitively a pedo to know that this man is socially inappropriate and I don't want my 5 year old daughter to be subjected to his socially inappropriate behavior.

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 9:09 am

WhatFor wrote:

Saying he is socially off, when you know nothing about him, is condemning. Some people really are just clueless, and need to be clues in. I wouldn’t have allowed it either, as I said, but there’s a difference between saying behavior is socially inappropriate and saying a person is socially inappropriate.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Mar 24 2019, 11:09 am

amother wrote:

You were 100% correct. Yes, it could have been completely innocent. But why take the risk?

I doubt there even was any risk (public place with her father sitting right there!) but I still agree with what you did/said, OP. It can avert a future dangerous situation.