Family of 5 in one bedroom

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:18 pm

Just wondering..

Anyone here lives in a one bedroom with more than two children?

As you can tell, I'm not like many other of my friends around me, I don't have parents that can give much and me and my husband work hard but don't have high salaries. I'm getting older and I feel like why wait? we want one more child B"H. We manage pretty well with 3 in a one bedroom apartment, of course I wish my husband and I had our own bedroom and bathroom. Of course I get jealous when my friends and neighbors with just 2 kids, suddenly move to a whole big house. But then I look at my kids and thank Gd for what I have. I'd love to hear from others to get some chizuk and hope that living in houses and having more money isn't the only thing that matters. Of course we'd be more comfortable in a larger apartment, but financially it would be a struggle if we moved.

pesek zman

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:22 pm

No but we are a family of 3 in a studio! It’s all good!! Keep it simple: less toys, less stuff, less toys. A friend of mine wrote an op ed a few years back in the WaPo that you’d appreciate:

https://www.washingtonpost.com.....cba1b

amother

Seashell

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:25 pm

So I lived in a one bedroom apartment with 4 kids for 12 years while saving up for a house. I also didn't hace any parental help. Was totally worth the wait!

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:38 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Wow! thank you!

People ask me how do I manage to put all the kids to sleep in a one bedroom? They got used to and it's actually not difficult. I know it's harder when there is a baby and they wake up the baby each time, but that will pass eventually. My parents also kept on asking me how do we live like this?? I mean, I always had my own room growing up so of course I keep on thinking about my kids..that it's not fair that they don't have their own space, but they're still young and they're not complaining, I think it's more in my mind.

pesek zman

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:44 pm

I hate when people say ‘she deserves a room!’ What? No. She ‘deserves’ food, shelter, love, healthcare, education. Not her own room. She’s fine. More than fine. She’s learning so many valuable lessons (we have everything we need. Aren’t we lucky? Living within our means, etc etc)

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:50 pm

pesek zman wrote:

OP here
Yes! thank you!
My mom wished for our anniversary that my husband and I will get a room. Of course it would be more comfortable but we manage now. My parents can't help us much yet they complain about our living situation.

Also, if any of you have any tips about space saving storage? I have a closet full of their toys and I keep it nice and neat. Their cloths closet is a mess and I think I need to get a larger closet but don't want it to take too much space in the room... I have a bunk bed and a crib. I know I can put another bunk bed there if we ever decide to have another, but gotta think smart about closets.

amother

Coral

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:50 pm

As kids get older it's important for them to have living space. It can affect the mental health living like sardines and bumping into people wherever you go. It can affect your piece of mind and shalom bayis as well.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do u plan to deal with having kids of different genders in such close quarters when they get older and must be separate and private?

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:56 pm

TwinsMommy wrote:

When you have a child older than infant age in your bedroom when do you.... ahem..... communicate with your husband?

It’s not permissible to have relations with kids of a certain age in the room, and it’s not permissible for kids over a certain age to sleep there anyway.

southernbubby

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:09 pm

Ikea produced some videos of makeovers for families in one bedroom apartments.
I agree that the situation should not go on after the kids reach their teens but apparently it does happen that the living room becomes a coed dorm at night. Maybe they get curtains and room dividers.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:21 pm

Wow! I admire you! We are 4 people in a small 2 bedroom and I am comfortable (at least another 2-3 kids fit here imo) but people keep asking when we are moving. I can't even imagine the comments you get.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:23 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

It’s not permissible to have relations with kids of a certain age in the room, and it’s not permissible for kids over a certain age to sleep there anyway.

It’s not permissible for kids over a certain age to sleep in the same room as parents? I’m pretty sure you made that up.

amother

Jade

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:26 pm

We have 3 children in our bedroom officially. For lack of other options. We don't have the means to move and don't have where to place them otherwise.

In such a case, how can you say it isn't permissible? I believe I'm not the only one in such a difficult situation since the Torah was given to Klal Yisroel.

(We don't even have the means to buy from IKEA stuff to make it more space oriented.)

amother

Coral

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:26 pm

It's not permissible for kids above certain age to be asleep in the same room while their parents are having relations.
But anyone with a bit of seichel wouldn't do so with kids that are old enough to understand and remember.
But kids just sleeping in the same room as parents is ok, why not?

aricelli

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:28 pm

When I lived in a one bedroom we were able to divide it in two. (We divided one recently with a temporary wall that looks like a real wall)
Also- my friend in a small apartment put her dining room set into storage and put couches there instead for more living space. After a while she divided that into two and turned it into a living room and bedroom.

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:32 pm

Op here

Please pay attention to my very first post, I was asking for CHIZUK because I do feel depressed and jealous of other people that have houses or larger apartments, but please don’t post negative things. As of right now, my kids are still young and same gender.
What’s better? Moving and really struggling financially or staying in a one bedroom? I see the ruining shalom Bais happening more if we move and struggle financially. Yes, you have no idea how much I wish to move already but sometimes you can’t get everything you want. For now, I try my best to focus on positive things such as having healthy kids, food and shelter.

amother

Coral

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:35 pm

OP, if you're already feeling depressed and down in such a small apartment, why are you even thinking about having another baby now in the apartment? Of you're stressed already, another kid isn't the best idea now.

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:36 pm

TwinsMommy wrote:

So my question remains.... how and when? Just move the kids into the living room couches or something??

I don’t get your question.., what’s the problem? Some parents sleep in the living room. That’s what we do and our kids still sleep earlier in their bedroom so I close their door.