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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
octopus
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:08 am
If you are asking it means you are having qualms. Not always is the easiest path the correct one. What is your avoda for the day ? To be a mentsch only or now that you're a mom to take care of your kids when you are home and can be with them? Who says your davening in shul is worth more to Hashem than you being in the trenches taking care of your kids?
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octopus
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:16 am
Full disclosure, its not the same but I always pay my non Jewish cleaning help for over y't but tell them not to come. I just want to be with my family on yt. Not with employees.
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teachkids
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:50 am
It would be one thing if OP said she wanted the babysitter to come all day so she could go visit friends in the afternoon. We're talking about a few hours in the morning. OP, enjoy your chance to get to shul and your kids all afternoon
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amother
Burlywood
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:41 am
octopus wrote: | Full disclosure, its not the same but I always pay my non Jewish cleaning help for over y't but tell them not to come. I just want to be with my family on yt. Not with employees. |
I do the opposite. I tell my non- Jewish cleaning help to come on their regularly scheduled days, so I can enjoy my family on yontiff.
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amother
Purple
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:43 am
This is done almost universally in my community by everyone who has a nanny. I didn’t have a nanny so I didn’t do this but it seems to me if you’re paying anyway, why not use it to your advantage? Time to daven, prep for YT, even take a little shluf: sounds amazing to me!
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Purple2
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:00 am
Exactly burlywood,
Biggest gift you can give yourself is extra help on yom Tov, specifically so I can enjoy my family and guests and not be busy with dishes and cleaning.
Really don’t understand why not?
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tichellady
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:17 am
I don’t buy this whole avodah is to stay home with the kids argument. You need to make sure your kids are in a safe and loving environment, that doesn’t mean you literally need to be with them all day. If you already use a babysitter it means you aren’t with your kids all day. Why suddenly on rosh hashana do you need to be a SAHM?
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Ravenclaw
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:28 am
If you object to leaving your baby with a nonjewish babysitter in general fine. But OP is obviously okay with it. SO why would RH and YK be any different? Genuinely curious.
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cm
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:28 am
trixx wrote: | I'm surprised no one mentioned that you might have to ask a rav about hiring a non jew on these days? |
Considering that the Orthodox shuls in many communities offer babysitting on RH/YK, I am sure whatever the issues might be can be resolved. Of course, it is best to AYLOR for any specific questions.
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renslet
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:55 pm
Not sure how many kids you have but I totally tell my non Jewish cleaning help to come. She cleans up and does the dishes from the night meal, helps me get everyone dressed and helps me with the day meal. She'll bring my baby to shul for tekius but the rest of the time, I'm with the other four in shul.
I have her a few times a week, love it when her days coincide with Yom Tov.
Kol nidrei, the baby will be asleep, should I stay home and daven when I have someone who is already paid to be in my house?
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Ruchel
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:04 pm
Kippur is like a shabbes: no carrying. So yes, haven't been in a long time.
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amother
Burgundy
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:16 pm
amother [ Lime ] wrote: | I agree with you. Then again I would never leave my child with a non Jew. But on rh I daven out loud sing with my young kids. Take them for shofar.... |
Yes I agree. I heard a choshuve person say it’s a terrible thing to have non Jewish nannies and also a highly respected frum therapist said those parents don’t understand what they’re exposing their children to and he’s seen those children end up marrying a [gentile]
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amother
Burgundy
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:17 pm
tichellady wrote: | I don’t buy this whole avodah is to stay home with the kids argument. You need to make sure your kids are in a safe and loving environment, that doesn’t mean you literally need to be with them all day. If you already use a babysitter it means you aren’t with your kids all day. Why suddenly on rosh hashana do you need to be a SAHM? |
So you’re saying the non Jewish nanny provides a “loving environment?” You just proved my earlier pt
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tichellady
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:21 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | So you’re saying the non Jewish nanny provides a “loving environment?” You just proved my earlier pt |
You are not making any sense. The op already has this nanny for weekdays. She obviously thinks she is a good nanny. The question isn’t whether or not one should use a non jewish babysitter, it’s whether she should have her come on rosh hashana and Yom Kippur. If you want to discuss the issues you have with non jewish nannies then start a new thread.
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amother
Chocolate
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:36 pm
renslet wrote: | Not sure how many kids you have but I totally tell my non Jewish cleaning help to come. She cleans up and does the dishes from the night meal, helps me get everyone dressed and helps me with the day meal. She'll bring my baby to shul for tekius but the rest of the time, I'm with the other four in shul.
I have her a few times a week, love it when her days coincide with Yom Tov.
Kol nidrei, the baby will be asleep, should I stay home and daven when I have someone who is already paid to be in my house? |
OT but I don’t understand this. I thought cleaning ladies just clean?
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amother
Purple
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:37 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | Yes I agree. I hear a choshuve person say it’s a terrible thing to have non Jewish nannies and also a highly respected frum therapist said those parents don’t understand what they’re exposing their children to and he’s seen those children end up marrying a [gentile] |
I must have missed where OP asked for your self righteous, judgemental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness of having non jewish babysitters.
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amother
Burgundy
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:41 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote: | I must have missed where OP asked for your self righteous, judgemental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness of having non jewish babysitters. |
I must have missed where I “asked for your self righteous, judgmental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness” of my comment.
And you can deny all you want, obviously you use one too and therefore your overly strong reaction, but you can’t negate what a Gadol as well as a highly respected psychotherapist said.
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amother
Lemon
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:45 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | I must have missed where I “asked for your self righteous, judgmental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness” of my comment.
And you can deny all you want, obviously you use one too and therefore your overly strong reaction, but you can’t negate what a Gadol as well as a highly respected psychotherapist said. |
Well, a gadol and a highly respected psychotherapist in my life are both not against me having a well vetted non Jewish nanny. So obviously there are different opinions, no need to pretend this is so blatantly, black and white wrong. You know that not every non Jew is the same, right?
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amother
Green
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:03 pm
My family went though many babysitters when we were kids. The non Jewish ones often took better care of us then the frum ones who were just doing it to make money before starting school or something. It was a Jewish babysitter who fed my brother treif. The non Jewish ones asked about everything first
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amother
Purple
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:05 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | I must have missed where I “asked for your self righteous, judgmental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness” of my comment.
And you can deny all you want, obviously you use one too and therefore your overly strong reaction, but you can’t negate what a Gadol as well as a highly respected psychotherapist said. |
See above. No, I don’t have a non Jewish nanny. Or a nanny of any kind. Even if you were to name the rabbi (or therapist for that matter) anyone will agree that for every 2 rabbis there are 3 opinions. The opinion of 1 unnamed rabbi of a sect that is likely not mine Holds less than zero weight with me. And my strong reaction is against people who sit on their high horse judging others. You do your life, OP doesn’t hers, and I’ll do mine.
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