Anyone moved to Toms River and not happy there

Sewsew_mom

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:05 pm

Absolutely not
We actually settled on a house without one... But I wish we had one. Maybe one day we'll put one in.

Emotional wrote:

Is it possible the teenage girls are unhappy because they're unaccustomed to the Lakewood school system? (Assuming they got in somewhere?)

Separate question - does every house in Toms River come with a pool?

amother

Teal

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:06 pm

Emotional wrote:

No way. Not every house comes with a pool. Many do but many don't.

About the girls- I don't have any, but from what I hear, it's more the lack of independence. You can't just walk over to a friend after school or go shopping on 13th Avenue with friends. You need someone to drive you.

Emotional

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:31 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

About the girls- I don't have any, but from what I hear, it's more the lack of independence. You can't just walk over to a friend after school or go shopping on 13th Avenue with friends. You need someone to drive you.

I definitely hear that. I currently have two teenage girls and I live in a Lakewood development. That's one of the plusses of development life - plenty of social opportunities for teenage girls, like on those long winter Friday nights. Though I know development life is not for everyone, it's one of the reasons I'm happy here. I think my kids would go stir crazy in a place like Toms River. I guess you've gotta know yourself and your girls.

amother

Lime

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 11:43 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Taxes
Lawn care
Pool care
Heating/cooling big house
General house home repairs all add ip

I don't live there but have visited TR and seen someone's beautiful home.
I would add:
Additional car plus insurance
Additional toll + gas expense for those commuting for their job.
Extra furnishings for the big home.
Larger food bills for all the weekend guests people host.

amother

Teal

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:54 pm

Another hardship you need to take into account is finding new doctors for everything.
Like I said before we are extremely happy we moved and everything worked out for us b"h but finding competent medical care you can trust... arrrgh! It's been hard. We were so spoiled back in Brooklyn with so many top doctors at our fingertips.

keym

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 1:01 pm

The people I know who moved Lakewood to TR are usually thrilled.
From Brooklyn, much less.
Other things that turn into expenses are therapies, tutoring, and interventions. NJ is not NY. And while there are many more services than in other states, it is much less available and affordable without specific diagnosis.
I'm talking PT, speech, shadows, etc.
Car expenses and transportation also adds up. The Drs, dentists, etc are not walkable.

keym

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 1:11 pm

I'm going to add. Many things are very different. Brooklyn is part of NYC with that huge city budget. TR and even Lakewood are suburban with a teeny budget. Garbage is only once a week, snow plowing takes longer.
Every year after a moderate snow storm, there are dozens of complaints on The Lakewood Scoop how lousy the snow removal is in Lakewood compared to Brooklyn, and why are there school closures. Well. Suburban township. Suburban budget. Suburban equipment and manpower.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 2:46 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

You gotta use your own brains. Every listing has the property tax clearly listed. When you put the numbers into a mortgage calculator (which I'd assume anyone looking to buy will do) you include the property tax. It's not a surprise.

Utilities costs us almost the same as in our Boro Park house. We used to pay about $250 in the summer and now we paid just over $300. This is including a running pool filter.
We don't pay for water here. In Boro Park we did and it was a lot!

You are correct that if you are smart and know to check it out. I’m just saying that my experience with realtors is they aren’t forth coming with that info.
They’ll give you a print out of your expenses and the taxes aren’t included.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:02 am

Before buying please go for Shabbos or extended weekends to get a feel of the crowd.

My neighbor's son and daughter moved to Lakewood or the vicinity and were dissappointed with the ruchniyas of the crowd.
They sold and moved to a development in a different Lakewood area which was more align with their values.

(When it comes to ruchniyas or belonging to a chasidish/litvish group or what people perceive as chumras, people become defensive and offensive. So everybody, start the mudslinging.)

amother

Lime

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:43 am

At one point I was considering moving there.
Aside for the high property taxes, school issue, another deterrent for me was that I felt like I was in BP, only with nicer and bigger houses.
The families there looked very much like BP people, and I’m not happy living here and would really like to move out.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:50 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

The culture of Boro park people is moving in a very different direction than the culture of Toms River. It is going to be two very different shevatim give or take a couple of years......

ValleyMom

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:54 am

Moving with TEENS is ALWAYS problematic.
Sometimes the problems are small and sometimes they are HUGE.

Then again, just waking a teen up in the morning to get to school can be a HUGE issue.

Teens are generally problematic in one way or another- despite Toms River move!

amother

Lime

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:55 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

The culture of Boro park people is moving in a very different direction than the culture of Toms River. It is going to be two very different shevatim give or take a couple of years......

I hear you.
I would want to ask you to expound on that, but I don’t want to get into l”h.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:07 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

I hear you.
I would want to ask you to expound on that, but I don’t want to get into l”h.

It is not loshon hara. It is two different mentalities and will become more so over the years.
Just my two cents (and others two).

Let me put it this way; Lakewood is turning into a mini Eretz Yisrael.

My advice:

Visit, visit, visit (on Shabbos, weekdays, Sundays, different times of year different parts of day) Lakewood, Jackson, Toms River and figure out your niche. That is of course if you have an interest in moving there.

Please understand when people move to an area in droves they have something (unconsciously) in common with each other.
Along the same line, the people who choose to stay in BP (even if they are able to make the move)have something in common with each other.

For more clarity, try out the different developments and neighborhoods (where people come from
areas like Montreal, mid-western US cities, Flatbush/BP/Willy, even Monsey and you will get the gist of what I am saying...

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:24 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

No one ahould mud sling. It’s an issue for ppl moving in that some areas are specifically made up of ppl escaping their old way of life or minhaggim.
Ppl must do research into neighborhoods
Is it important to have a shul were your husband can learn with on Shabbos?
Is basement shul open other then during davening?
Where can son daven Mincha or maariv if DH isn’t home. Are there walkable weekday minyanim?

amother

Teal

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:34 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

The bolded rubs me the wrong way.
Can't people change their lifestyle without being accused of "escaping" their old way of life?
Also from my experience living here (it's only been a few months) many blocks will have a mix of everything or there are only 1-2 yidden and there's no way of predicting who else moves in.

amother

Teal

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:37 am

Re' the shuls you are 100% correct. A big part of us deciding where to buy was based on what shuls are within walking distance.
We came here for a weekend or 2 and my husband davened each tefillah in a different shul.

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:38 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Of course they can.
But if someone is moving there they should do their research that maybe the community isn’t for them just because they went to school together.
I do know neighborhoods that chased off chassidim. Forced them to back out of contracts.
I know ppl who moved into ‘developments’ thinking it was a certain type and they are disappointed with the overall atmosphere. (Movies, non Jewish music, tv, kids on internet, tzinius levels). They have the right to be disappointed as well.

(I’m also not sure Lakewood should have been the community to escape to considering it’s history and type but it’s too late for that now).