Low point in your life and what it taught you

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 6:26 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Does anyone else suffer from terrible jealousy specifically in the area of raising children ? Like you are successful in every other area and function well except as a mother . The older kids followed their own path the younger ones are mentally unwell causing me shame and embarrassment t

About kids following their own path... you're certainly in good company. Read Sefer Bereishis. It happens even with the best parents.

About mentally unwell kids embarrassing you... well, they're your kids. Try to get them help. And would you be embarrassed if they had, G-d forbid, parkinsons or MS or diabeties or lupus? Mental illness means there is something medically wrong with them that needs treatment. It's sad but it isn't supposed to be embarrassing. Not in 2020.

thunderstorm

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 6:30 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Is it jealousy ? Or do you feel incompetent in that? Either way, many people have a belief that our children are an extension of ourselves. They are supposed to be examples of us. But that’s not how we are supposed to view our children. Each child is an individual with their own path. Your goal is to help each child and guide them on their right path even though it doesn’t align exactly with your own. You do your best and Hashem does the rest. There should be no shame in that at all.
Once we understand our own self worth and value , our children’s behavior will not be what makes us feel wonderful or what makes us feel horrible. They shouldn’t be the deciding factor with they way you feel.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 9:08 pm

Zehava wrote:

I don’t know about all you saints.
At my lowest points I dissociate. I’m not there. Then I spend months and years of the better times going back and feeling what I should have felt then.

OP didn't ask what you were or should have been feeling at your lowest point, she asked what it taught you. Not necessarily in the moment, maybe in hindsight.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 11:15 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

OP didn't ask what you were or should have been feeling at your lowest point, she asked what it taught you. Not necessarily in the moment, maybe in hindsight.

It seems to have taught her to face her feelings sooner, and not disassociate from them only to have to face them anyway. I think that's a great lesson.

mirror

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 12:25 am

My lowest points in life taught me that I can never stop davening to Hashem. I am glad that Anshei Kenesses Hagedola have written the Shemone Esrei to include every conceivable possibility so that I know that I am automatically davening for things that I hadn't even thought of.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 5:39 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

I never understood those people who knew they had PPD and didn't want to go for help. It's so available and so easily diagnosable and treatable.

Um - I don't want to change the conversation, but please answer me - where?
Therapy is very expensive, I'm afraid of being addicted to drugs, is anyone available to help me around the house? send me supper? Can I quit me FT job and pay the bills?

amother

Salmon

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 8:57 am

That life sucks and there is very good reason the sages asked of Gd why did he bother creating us?

There are endless sources of pain in life and most most most of us don't get off free. Some times the source of pain is there for all the world to know and many many many times it is hidden, and life looks peachy from the outside, even inside, because acting is a skill people master. How many times have posters told of perfect happy family to the world but hell on earth behind closed doors? Many.

amother

Peach

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 11:41 am

My lowest point was after I had an abortion bcz. of a sick fetus.
It taught me absolutely nothing. I already knew to appreciate my pregnancies and my children. I guess the onlyt thing I learned is not to daven so much. Hashem does what he wants.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 12:55 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

I'm so sorry. I also wasn't able to daven when I was going through something terrible. I was so touched when a good friend who had no idea what was going on but knew I was in pain asked if she could daven for me. I said yes. I didn't tell her I couldn't open my siddur or tehillim myself.
Don't even try davening when you don't want to. Give yourself time to get over the worst part of the pain. You might always feel some of it but eventually it won't be as intense.
You're right Hashem does what He wants, but He loves you and is waiting to hear from you. When you'll be ready He'll be there to hear you, even if what you'll want to express is your anger and pain.
This is what I learned from my lowest points.

amother

Lime

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 3:45 pm

lilies wrote:

It can be about any low point and what it meant to you. No need to talk about your 'lowest' point Smile

Here goes,
I grew up blissfully unaware of money and its meaning. It was a steep learning curve ..
At one point in the lean and mean times, I could not afford to go out, get some veggies and chicken to make a watery chicken soup. That was a turning point for me. I have the greatest admiration for those struggling to put food on their table, since then. It just about broke me.

I am currently in a very similar situation. My husbands lucrative business folded. There are days I don’t know from where the next penny will come. I grew up really poor but bh didn’t go through it since I got married and thought, well this is Hashem repaying me for all that I suffered during childhood.

But no, Hashem is teaching me that it’s not up to me to make cheshbones. I’m a very meticulous person And was always so careful that we had ample savings for a rainy day. Well, that went up in a puff of smoke. I had to relinquish control and truly start believing that only Hashem (and not the best laid plans of mice and men) can pull us out of this mire. It’s an pretty hard excercise for someone like me.
It also made me and by extension my kids so much more compassionate to those who have less and excess gashmius has lost its appeal.
So, dear G-d, I have learnt my lesson. I am Now ready to receive all your brachos in a much more humble state. Amen!

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 6:07 pm

No details but right now there are humans in my life whom are acting like animals and I realized that although they are doing horrible things there reasons things they can't take asst from me. My choices, my decision to allow space in my head for them, or not, my behavior, my wonderful family etc..

amother

Blue

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 6:24 pm

When I was in high school I was bullied and suffered a lot socially. Once I hit rock bottom when my only friend was absent (we were a pair of loners) and I had no one to sit next to by lunch.
The girls weren’t overtly mean they just excluded us. I didn’t want to sit alone so I ate quickly on a side not normally used staircase and spent the rest of lunch waiting for class to start.
It was hard everyday but that day was my breaking point and I sobbed on that quiet staircase and said “Hashem please make sure none of my kids ever have to go through such loneliness!! Let my suffering be “Motzi” all my descendants!!”
It was so weird. Who even thinks of kids then in 11th grade? Or maybe 12th, I don’t remember...
But my kids are amazingly popular. I never have to arrange play dates, our phones don’t stop ringing for them since they’re in pre nursery all through high school.
I think Hashem saw my tears at that lonely low point and fulfilled my prayer.
It also taught me to be nice, I became Mrs. Sensitive and always notice the ones who need to be included.

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 10 2020, 7:54 pm

I feel like I am at a low point in my life, and I am inspired to not only survive but thrive. Regardless of how badly my husband behaves it is not my fault. I am going to raise my kids with love and be happy. I am doing things for myself because I deserve good and to be happy. And I am taking steps to better my career and save money incase chas v shalom this does end in divorce in a few years. I am strong and Hashem is taking care of me and my kids.