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-> Household Management
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amother
Teal
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 Sun, Feb 23 2020, 10:31 pm
| amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote: | | Help me understand, why isn’t someone jealous of the person with 10 healthy children? |
Because most people bh can decide how many children to have. But we cannot decide/choose how much money or what size house to have.
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amother
Ginger
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 10:32 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | Its funny I wasnt imagining that these people have tons of problems we cant see, nor was I so focused on the jealousy- "I wish I could have that" aspect. I was more just curious as to what these homeowners think about having such big houses. Like do they know their house is huge and gorgeous or do they think its normal? Do they think its funny they have whole complete rooms they dont really use ? or do they think its normal to have that?
I imagine the music room sits empty unless someone wants to play piano or st...
The house I went to this past shabbos - the people did not seem to have any real issues. they had 3 kids, all healthy. husband and wife laughed and smiled alot , it was very relaxed. They are at that spot where they have a huge house but not SOO huge that they are community people in the sense that they have a responsibility to the klal. They live their own life. They did have guests there sleeping over who didnt eat with us, that they were hosting for a neighbors simcha and I imagine they probably host guests a lot but not in a community way.
On zillow I was able to see that they bought their house actually for very cheap! over 25 years ago, and they must have done extensive renovations since then but it doesnt necessarily mean they are super rich.They didnt have any maids on shabbos that I saw, but Im guessing they do have a lot of cleaning help during the week. but I was actually surprised at how cheap they bought it, I guess prices 25 years ago are different then now. Nowadays a home that size on that street goes for over 1.5 million..
They really were just an average regular family with just way too much house that I was simply flabbergasted at. |
1.5 million is not that much for such a large house. My relatives live in 3 bedroom condos that cost 1.5 million. They have houses worth 1.5 million that are 9000 sq ft but have "only" 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms because that's what they needed (not so many kids).
I don't think it's strange to have a room used seldomly. I have a pesach kitchen used one month a year. I don't think it's odd for people to have a pool used two months a year, or a sukkah room used one week a year.
I doubt the people in the big houses think anything is funny about how they live; why should they?
I think you are overthinking what they think 
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amother
Slategray
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 10:35 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | Its funny I wasnt imagining that these people have tons of problems we cant see, nor was I so focused on the jealousy- "I wish I could have that" aspect. I was more just curious as to what these homeowners think about having such big houses. Like do they know their house is huge and gorgeous or do they think its normal? Do they think its funny they have whole complete rooms they dont really use ? or do they think its normal to have that?
I imagine the music room sits empty unless someone wants to play piano or st...
The house I went to this past shabbos - the people did not seem to have any real issues. they had 3 kids, all healthy. husband and wife laughed and smiled alot , it was very relaxed. They are at that spot where they have a huge house but not SOO huge that they are community people in the sense that they have a responsibility to the klal. They live their own life. They did have guests there sleeping over who didnt eat with us, that they were hosting for a neighbors simcha and I imagine they probably host guests a lot but not in a community way.
On zillow I was able to see that they bought their house actually for very cheap! over 25 years ago, and they must have done extensive renovations since then but it doesnt necessarily mean they are super rich.They didnt have any maids on shabbos that I saw, but Im guessing they do have a lot of cleaning help during the week. but I was actually surprised at how cheap they bought it, I guess prices 25 years ago are different then now. Nowadays a home that size on that street goes for over 1.5 million..
They really were just an average regular family with just way too much house that I was simply flabbergasted at. |
How ironic. I live in a small semi detached house in Brooklyn and my house goes for 1.1 million on Zillow.
I guess everything boils down to location.
You can live like a queen out of town or like a city mouse in small quarters.
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Simple1
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 10:55 pm
| amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote: | | Help me understand, why isn’t someone jealous of the person with 10 healthy children? |
There are certainly people jealous of that.
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amother
Burgundy
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:03 pm
| amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote: | | Help me understand, why isn’t someone jealous of the person with 10 healthy children? |
Or of a gadol. Who has an eternal mansion for longer than just 80-90 years, for eternity.
Because anyone can achieve it by living a Torah life to the best of their ability , with their personal toolbox.
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amother
Seagreen
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:08 pm
I guess those aren’t in the city😏
Currently bought a house for over 2 million, and trying to squeeze all the rooms I want in it. I’ll have to give up on some things that I dreamed of. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle.
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mig100
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:12 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | | Because most people bh can decide how many children to have. But we cannot decide/choose how much money or what size house to have. |
Seriously??? If you are able to make such decisions please tell me you don't take it for granted 
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amother
Teal
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:16 pm
| mig100 wrote: | | Seriously??? If you are able to make such decisions please tell me you don't take it for granted |
Yes, seriously. Why are you so shocked?
Whoever is on BC (or not) is making such decisions.
It doesn't mean we take it for granted.
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amother
Rose
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:20 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | Yes, seriously. Why are you so shocked?
Whoever is on BC (or not) is making such decisions.
It doesn't mean we take it for granted. |
Not everyone is able to have as many children as they would like. Someone can go on birth control and then once they get off find that they can't conceive. And many have medical issues that do not allow them to have as many children as they would wish. I know, I am one of them.
Or sometimes they can't handle more children emotionally. And they wish they could.
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amother
Babypink
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:22 pm
Those on BC are not jealous, most often not because "they could have more if they wanted to," but because they DON'T want, and therefore have nothing to be jealous of. For them it's in the category of a hot pink leather sofa - it's not their style, and they don't want it.
There are enough threads on this site that demonstrate that the prevailing feeling is that larger families are dysfunctional, and it is responsible to limit the number of children you have.
(I personally disagree and hope to have a minyan of my own too IYH. I actually DO get jealous of large families, even though "it's not a competition." Neither is money, but people are jealous of that too.)
But the majority of women do want a larger house and/or more money, so that's something that most people are jealous of.
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amother
Teal
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:37 pm
| amother [ Rose ] wrote: | Not everyone is able to have as many children as they would like. Someone can go on birth control and then once they get off find that they can't conceive. And many have medical issues that do not allow them to have as many children as they would wish. I know, I am one of them.
Or sometimes they can't handle more children emotionally. And they wish they could. |
I didn't say everyone can have as many children as they choose, I said most.
The poster asked why we are jealous of rich people with large houses vs. People with many kids. I think it's because we feel or think we can decide how many kids to have. We can't decide how much money to have though.
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amother
Purple
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:56 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | | Because most people bh can decide how many children to have. But we cannot decide/choose how much money or what size house to have. |
Are you on pot or something?
Have you not read the myriad of infertility threads. The people who either can't physically have the children they want or those who would love to have more but can't emotionally?
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amother
Teal
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:01 am
| amother [ Purple ] wrote: | Are you on pot or something?
Have you not read the myriad of infertility threads. The people who either can't physically have the children they want or those who would love to have more but can't emotionally? |
For every infertility thread, there are countless BC threads.
Why is it so hard to believe that people think they can decide how many kids they have? Family planning is a real thing, isn't it??
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:02 am
| amother [ Linen ] wrote: | | Not sure if I qualify for living in a huge house but my house is pretty large. 7 bedrooms. 4.5 bathrooms. We are a family of 4. My house stays clean because I have cleaning help and we are very clean people. Yes when my house was brand new and kids would scratch the floors and walls it would bother me but now I am over it because it’s a house and meant to be lived in. We are young and can afford it because family bought it for us. My husband is a professional and I am a stay at home mom. Toys are in closets. And in the basement. Bh I feel much better living here than I did in my very small apt but I am suffering a lot right now for heath issues and other issues and the big nice house doesn’t help with that unfortunately. I wish you all the best and iyh all your dreams should come true and you should have a house that you can afford and are happy living there |
Linen Id love to meet you one day. there is something so straightfoward and honest and refreshing about your post. Thanks for the good wishes! I hope they come true!
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:04 am
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and no my neighborhood is not in the city and not in Brooklyn. I still see trees and grass all around me.
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amother
Babypink
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:10 am
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | For every infertility thread, there are countless BC threads.
Why is it so hard to believe that people think they can decide how many kids they have? Family planning is a real thing, isn't it?? |
Family PREVENTION is a real thing, 95% of the time or whatever the statistics on the method you're using, but family PLANNING is not.
Look at the thread of the poor mother whose perfect age gap was destroyed by a miscarriage, and the heartbreaking responses. The one about the woman who hasn't even gotten her period back, though she discontinued birth control months ago.
We THINK we can decide how many kids we will have. But all we can decide is how many kids we DON'T want to have, and even that imperfectly.
It's funny, because I'd think we have more control over our finances than our family size, and the former most are willing to admit is in the hands of Hashem.
I am lucky in that I am able to leave the latter decisions in the Hands of One much smarter and with a more long-term perspective than I.
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amother
Teal
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:17 am
| amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Family PREVENTION is a real thing, 95% of the time or whatever the statistics on the method you're using, but family PLANNING is not.
Look at the thread of the poor mother whose perfect age gap was destroyed by a miscarriage, and the heartbreaking responses. The one about the woman who hasn't even gotten her period back, though she discontinued birth control months ago.
We THINK we can decide how many kids we will have. But all we can decide is how many kids we DON'T want to have, and even that imperfectly.
It's funny, because I'd think we have more control over our finances than our family size, and the former most are willing to admit is in the hands of Hashem.
I am lucky in that I am able to leave the latter decisions in the Hands of One much smarter and with a more long-term perspective than I. |
I was just answering the poster that asked why we're more jealous of rich people with big houses. I think this is the answer. Because we think we can decide how many kids we have. Of course hashem is in control, but somehow when it comes to having kids many women think we're in control. Which to some extent, by taking BC, we are in control. I didn't mean for it to become such a controversial discussion, I was just answering the poster's question.
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amother
Pumpkin
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:22 am
Regarding the 10 healthy children, I was mainly focusing on the healthy part.
but about the 10, I gotta say some of these comments were a punch in the gut.
No we definitely don’t all have a say in family size,
gosh for heaven’s sake, this is not what I had wanted but He decided otherwise.
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amother
Rose
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:29 am
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | | I was just answering the poster that asked why we're more jealous of rich people with big houses. I think this is the answer. Because we think we can decide how many kids we have. Of course hashem is in control, but somehow when it comes to having kids many women think we're in control. Which to some extent, by taking BC, we are in control. I didn't mean for it to become such a controversial discussion, I was just answering the poster's question. |
I'm more jealous of someone with ten kids (who is MANAGING) then someone who is rich. But that's just me...
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amother
Royalblue
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 7:12 am
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I think its a matter of whatever you feel like you have vs. don't. I'm not so envious of people who live in large homes. If that was the most important thing to me I could probably have it. being able to manage raising 10 kids who are healthy in body and spirit with my own intact- that I'm envious of!
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