Is happy results possible?

amother

Plum

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 6:23 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Every secular person I know closely went to a different private school for high school and loved it. They also said that it was normal.

I also have a friend who is a BT who went to Buckley and Viewpoint in CA and she said there was no such thing as cliques, everyone respected and loved each other, and students were taught to seek out kids who are new or having a hard time adjusting to make them feel comfortable. And a list of other things that put shame on our frum schools. The reason I mentioned the schools is because Kim Kardashian went to one and Donald Trumps daughter to another so it's not like some tiny unheard of place.

The yeshiva system is nowhere near the schools you have mentioned. The schools you have mentioned are for people of extreme wealth and in addition are small enough with a higher staff ratio to help kids navigate social experiences.

Switching young children in the secular or frum world is not as warm and fuzzy as you claim from your highly privileged friends.

It doesn't put anyone to shame. In a setting where there isn't enough staff and resources which is your avg secular public school and yeshiva system. Things are never simple.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 6:36 am

If the only reason is financial then no.
But if it's hashkafah and the way the place is run then it's a different story.
The 5 year old I would change without a doubt. He's still young enough, he'll make new friends and if the new place is better he'll have many more happy years.
The 10 year old is more sensitive. You have to know your child. How does he adjust to a new environment? Does he make friends easily? Does he know anyone in the new cheder who he may be excited to be in the same class as?

I switched my boys for kittah gimmel and hei. A behavioral therapist warned us never to switch schools unless there's bullying or some other strong reason. So that scared us.
However even though my boys were happy in the old cheder the hashkafa no longer matched ours, their English program was downright dysfunctional and there was no one to talk to. We had to look at the big picture and just could not see how we would survive the next few years.
We agonized long and hard. Finances didn't even come into the equation.
The new place was a lot smaller, more personal attention and my boys each had a good friend in their new class that they were excited to be with. I sent them to the cheder's summer program for 2 summers before we made the actual switch. So it wasn't a complete strange environment.
B"h it was the best move ever. My boys are extremely happy, they fit right in and in general they take change easily.
So I'm not against the idea. You just need to be proactive and do it smartly.
Good luck!

simba

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 7:08 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Kind of sad that in the secular world switching is a great opportunity for kids to meet new friends but frum kids seem to be so exclusive or the schools such a risk that it is not regarded positively. Kids often change for preschool, school, and high school but middle school and other grades are fine too. Especially with private schools.

Though the opportunity to bash the Yeshiva system is tempting I see, in no world is it considered beneficial to a child to not have stability.

When middle and high school are not continuous then picking a new school is how it works.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 7:51 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

If the only reason is financial then no.
But if it's hashkafah and the way the place is run then it's a different story.

Major issues with hashkafa are a problem, I agree. But that's why it's best to choose a school that matches your hashkafa, and that is flexible if you decide to change hashkafa slightly later on.

If you or your school totally change hashkafa while the kid is still studying, then yes, that would be a consideration for change, but only after much consideration.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 8:40 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

In a perfect world, yes. But in real life that's not always possible. And people usually don't plan on changing hashkafos, these things happen gradually as life goes on and viewpoints change.

amother

Oak

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 9:20 am

simba wrote:

Pointing out one concern about something is not bashing. Sensitive much? If anything it can encourage parents who read it to talk to their children about accepting everyone, especially people who are new. Really far from bashing my dear....

tigerwife

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 10:01 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Every secular person I know closely went to a different private school for high school and loved it. They also said that it was normal.

You can’t compare switching for high school, where everyone is new, to switching in middle of elementary school and being the newbie. I went to a brand new high school, and so did many of my friends, and it was great.

Mommyg8

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 10:05 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

If what she's saying is true, then maybe. But it's not.

There are all kinds of secular schools and all kinds of frum schools. It just so happened that I switched twice - once in elementary and once in high school and both were positive experiences. It's very much student and school dependent.

#BestBubby

Sun, Mar 01 2020, 10:57 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

If EVERYONE in the high school is new than it is easy to make friends. Not the same thing as switching to a new cheider where everyone has been together since kindergarten and formed their friendships.