Anyone else tired of all the "mundane" kvetching?

amother

Blue

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 1:35 pm

I see both sides and I remind myself to step back and consider the other person.

The woman who is suddenly thrust into homeschooling with little training or guidance also still has a house to look after. Of course she's stressed. The woman who desires physical touch from her husband, that's NORMAL. In times of stress human touch is important. And on and on.

For people already battling mental health issues, this is a scary time. Anxiety and depression are being re-triggered daily and there are no answers. In some cases lines of treatment have been cut. I don't know you. You might be suffering from some per-existing or newly presently anxiety and depression. So what am I going to do? I am going to LISTEN and try to empathize. Because that's what you need.

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 1:54 pm

singleagain wrote:

So don't kvetch to someone directly. But kvetch all yo want to cyberspace. Where ppl can choose to tune in or not.

True, but instead of complaining, why not simply ask for ideas? Others in the same boat surely have ideas. Ask how others helped their children cope with cancelled Bar Mitzvah parties or backyard weddings.
People can choose to turn it off but we see that some people get so triggered that they don't simply scroll down.

Rappel

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 2:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Southernbubby and coral got it.

As Southernbubby said - the backyard wedding sympathy was so last week. Today it's all about sirens and tehillim and deaths.
Thank you for expressing it better than me.

They both expressed it better than me. Coral too..
Last week and 2 weeks ago the tiny apartment kvetches and house is a wreck with kids home all day were the kvetch of the time.
I was all for it. And happily kvetched about mundane stuff like that with the rest of them

But now times have changed. Now there are so many people dying. So many people sitting shiva. Do you not hear the sirens racing past all day?! I feel.like I live in a war zone.

People - the kvetches and attitudes need to change too! At this point in time nobody cares about your tiny apartment. Now is when we need to show gratitude for our blessings..anyone who is not affected by the "war zone" we live in and is still happily kvetching about their houses being too small and too messy simply don't get it.
Take a moment to pause.

And if you live in south dakota where there are no sirens and no deaths then yeah I guess I can see why your still kvetching about the parks being shut down.. I was more referring to NY area people..

kvetch away people.

Let's run with your idea, then.

What made it okay to be petty last week? Tens of thousands of people had already died from this plague. Hundreds of thousands of people had already been hurt by it.

But because there were no sirens in your neighborhood, everyone could continue to worry about small matters?

And now that there are sirens in your neighborhood, the world must stop and cry?

....

Here is the best website for following the development of the epidemic.

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

Open it. Read it. Then refresh it in a half hour and watch the numbers climb. And again in another half hour. And again.

Then sit back, and consider what it means to live.

amother

Tan

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 2:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't get how you can be all for it 2 weeks ago (all for kvetching) and now you changed (I am truly sorry about your friends loss), and you expect everyone to change at the moment that you change. There were sick yidden 2 weeks ago too, you could have banned kvetching then. I think we all need to be sensitive and careful "who" we are kvetching to. Obviously on social sites such as this it would be difficult. I would suggest you go off the social sites if it is bothering you so much.

ora_43

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 2:51 pm

southernbubby wrote:

But yes, people are taking time to adjust and some people are dangerously in denial.

I don't disagree with this, but I was thinking of adjusting emotionally.

We may be living in awful times, but it's not like there's an "awful times" button that people can press to make the emotional shift from finding life difficult to being grateful that it isn't worse.

Some people naturally make that transition quickly, some don't. The second group aren't necessarily more selfish or unaware, they just process emotions differently.

Plus, as others said often the big things make davka the little things seem unbearable. Sometimes a person can get through her anxiety because she thinks her dh might be sick, the $300 in destruction her kids have done to the apartment, watching her special needs kid regress without therapies, her uncle being in the hospital, etc... and then find herself overwhelmed with frustration because she can't get a chocolate leben.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:47 pm

ora_43 wrote:

That is me exactly. I will burst out crying at the chocolate leben.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:55 pm

paintbrush wrote:

Someone who is taking care of a special needs child during this time, along with a family of other Bh healthy children is extremely difficult. If that person would complain to a lady who never had any children, the childless lady might think of it as a mundane complaint. She has a hard time with her special child during quarantine, but why doesn’t she appreciate that she has a large family with other healthy children Bh? Which one of these woman have a greater right to be in pain? Neither of them have a monopoly on pain. They are both going through a struggle that the other one can not relate to.

I'm not engaging in the kvetch/ no kvetch discussion. Please forgive for being nitpicky. I don't mean to be critical. I just feel that as the mom of a wonderful, extremely needy and disabled special child I need present a perspective that I'm not sure everyone has.

Yes, I have a hard time with my special child during quarantine. Also, I appreciate ALL my children - the typical healthy ones and the child with SN. My SN child, with all the accompanying difficulty, is a huge brocho, the same as my other kids are.

Okay, rant over. Return to your regularly scheduled kvetch-bashing.

paintbrush

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 5:16 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

I apologize if I made it sound as if the special needs child is not a Bracha. I was just given an example to explain my point, and I may have worded it the wrong way. Please forgive me if my post caused hurt feelings!

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:40 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

What is it about Coronavirus that brings out the worst in people?
The post I quoted is only one of many that it literally hurt to read

Your post is much more hurtful than mine could ever hope to be. Mine was a direct response to what OP said--OP said she can't stand other people's kvetching, and I said I can't stand hers. You attacked me for no reason.

seeker

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:49 pm

Well, I've just hit a new level of achievement, I spent an hour crying in the bathroom from the accumulated stress of it all (read "it all" any way you want) even though I'm not sick or dying (yet?) and now that I'm done I feel an irrational but very strong need for ice cream. And I don't have any ice cream. And I'm not going to any stores because I have an at-risk individual in the family.

So I am currently sulking and moping and even texted a few friends about not having access to ice cream. In middle of a pandemic. In the city that's currently bearing the worst of said pandemic. So if y'all were looking for a judgment target, bring it on. Judge me. I never promised you to have good coping skills.

Sunny Days

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:53 pm

seeker wrote:

Because this is called real life and real emotions. Good for you for being a grounded, normal person.

(& Can you get ice cream via ubereats?)

mommy3b2c

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 10:18 pm

seeker wrote:

I almost cried tonight because my husband went to the store to buy me a drink and they didn’t have the drink I wanted.

seeker

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 11:09 pm

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Because this is called real life and real emotions. Good for you for being a grounded, normal person.

(& Can you get ice cream via ubereats?)

You're a genius, I didn't think of ubereats! Totally looking into that for possible future cravings. For now, I just needed something to pin the stress on and my body is happier without the ice cream (my mouth on the other hand...)

I guess op does have a point, but apparently a lot of us weren't ready to hear it.

I spent the last couple of weeks counting my blessings and everything and now you can see there was plenty of stress simmering beneath that, and all the perspective and stuff didn't prevent that.

Sunny Days

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 12:10 am

seeker wrote:

Op definitely has a point. We all have to keep things in perspective & count our blessings but that doesn’t mean that we have to become numb to the “small” things going on around us.

No one has the monopoly on pain. Everyone’s circumstances and challenges are custom made and Hashem gives YOU the strength to handle yours. That doesn’t mean we can’t kvetch about our own hardships. That doesn’t mean we’re not feeling along and aren’t pained by the big picture and what going on around us. But, in reality we each live in our own little bubble and have different things that tick us off.

Let’s all be sensitive to each other and no need to fight about this.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 8:24 am

OP, your post made me very very sad. Sad

I haven't uttered a single word of kvetch since this whole thing started.
But lemme tell you something. My husband is sick, most probably with COVID19. BH he's healing at home, no complications.
I'm working so so hard every day, way past the point of exhaustion, but I have to keep going. Yes, I know so is everyone else. So I can actually empathize with everyone else. Not sure why you cant, exactly, but whatever. Your problem. I'm running on no sleep because of my baby, so as exhausted as I get, I cant do anything about it. I cant nap during the day because I'm busy with my 3 year old. Im getting migraines from not sleepi g, but the show must go on, so I bite the bullet and power through, migraine and all. I'm constantly disinfecting my house on top of everything because of my husband. Who, btw, is totally out of commission and cant lift a pinky to help me. I cant clean up the giant mess of toys in my living room and dining room because I'm so weak after the kids finally go to bed. Plus, I have to make dinner then. I haven't showered in days. I'm not even going grocery shopping or even essentials shopping.
I'm overworked and underappreciated. And sleep deprived.
And theres NO WAY I'm the only one!
I haven't kvetched. I haven't even sighed in a way that could be interpreted as kvetching.
But I want to SCREAM. I wanna scream at the wall. I wanna scream into blank space. I wanna scream at you, too, for making my workload and overwhelm into nothing.