How would you handle

amother

Mon, Jun 01 2020, 8:13 pm

Are you a convert? What was your honest experience joining the fold?
I have this non Jewish guy I know from work. He is part of our lives and we have invited him in and is part of our friend family.
Recently he mentioned to me how he has started looking into kabalah and feels like he finds his “center” and is thinking Judaism might be the answer for him.
He says, know me and my family, his best relationships have been with Jews..and it may be what he needs
Problem is, this makes me extremely uneasy...
Firstly the way he idealized being Jewish...I think he is looking to fill a void that most likely may not be the reality. He is looking to truly belong and be part of things but my impression from hearing personal stories from converts (my step mom included) I know that some of them never truly feel like they “belong”. (He is gay and Latin all of which can be problematic in most communities especially mine)
Second problem, I am not a good representation of the Jewish community at large. I accept everyone with open arms, no matter your shape, personal beliefs etc. I don’t discriminate. I a more of an oot Jew...
But we live in nyc. And reality is that people are very judge mental.
I didn’t want to say anything negative because he already struggles with constant rejection, I didn’t want him to perceive this as me rejecting him or not think it would work.
This got me so worked. I am not sure why I feel so emotional and tense about this conversation.
I want to be supportive but I don’t want to see him hurt in the long run.
We decided just to see how it plays out...

PinkFridge

Mon, Jun 01 2020, 8:15 pm

I'm concerned.
Kabbala has nothing to do with relationships but how Hashem created and runs this world.
I'd sooner steer him to quality secular self-help books. (Not with Buddhist slant.)
The big concern is, is he stable enough for you to want him to be this much a part of your life?

amother

Mon, Jun 01 2020, 9:17 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

What part is concerning? I am not discussing any Kabbalah with him and not going to engage much in any such discussion.
He reads aton of self help books and is attracted to energies and whatever.
The way I see it I think he’s confused as to what he thinks Judaism is about and all that it involves

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 8:40 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My point is, he has a misunderstanding of Kabbalah. And the self-help books...YMMV.
You're not the one to educate him. Steer him to a rabbi, kiruv, Chabad, etc.

zaq

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 9:17 am

I hear your concerns. As you know, we're supposed to try to dissuade people who ask to convert. I would tell him that kabbalah is not "Judaism" and studying kabbalah before studying the mitzvot is like trying to read Shakespeare before you learn the ABC. Then I would suggest getting his feet wet by studying how to be a Noahide. One of three things can happen: 1. he gets tired of the mitzvot thing and abandons the idea of converting; 2. he finds fulfillment in being a Noahide and stays there; 3. he gets so into the mitzvot thing that he starts studying for genuine conversion. If he does #3, then either he will get tired of that and abandon it, or he will stick the course.