Different genders sharing a bedroom

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 08 2020, 9:39 pm

malki2 wrote:

Rav Moshe holds that it is, if they are together for extended periods of time.

If I remember correctly, a brother and sister can live alone in a house together for up to 30 days. (This has nothing do with OP's question about sharing a bedroom though.)

My memory might be failing me on the above though regardless I don't think what you're quoting is halachos. Certainly not the 3 & 9. It's may be a sensitivity, not halacha.

malki2

Mon, Jun 08 2020, 10:14 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

It’s not Halacha.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jun 08 2020, 10:15 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Huh? This "sort of thing" happens in every single community. But why do you think more so in the RM community? Strange thing to say really.

I think it happens in communities in which there is extreme separation of the genders. If a teenager has a girlfriends, there might be less need for inappropriate behavior with a sibling.

This seems to be also true with fundamentalist Xtian homes as well like the Duggars.

I have no idea if this is true in terms of providing any kind of statistical evidence - on;y offering an opinion as to why normal s*exual curiosity has no outlets - for better or worse.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Jun 08 2020, 10:23 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

s-xual abuse is about asserting control over a victim. It's not because someone gets horny and doesn't have an outlet.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jun 08 2020, 11:02 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

s-xual abuse is about asserting control over a victim. It's not because someone gets horny and doesn't have an outlet.

I think it’s a gray area. I think rape is about control but I think that there can be inappropriate s*exual exploration by confused adolescents that is not about control.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 12:16 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I think it’s a gray area. I think rape is about control but I think that there can be inappropriate s*exual exploration by confused adolescents that is not about control.

I hear you. Maybe you are right then

dancingqueen

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 1:31 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Source?

https://books.google.com/books.....AQBAJ

Here for one.

They also say that siblings of opposite genders sharing a room increases the risk of incest,

Ora in town

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 6:06 am

causemommysaid wrote:

boy in the living room

That doesn't sound very practical.
For the boy, he will lack privacy.
For the whole family, they lose the living room as soon as it's time for the boy to go to sleep...

banana123

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 6:14 am

Ora in town wrote:

That doesn't sound very practical.
For the boy, he will lack privacy.
For the whole family, they lose the living room as soon as it's time for the boy to go to sleep...

It's done often enough...

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 8:29 am

Honestly don't see what the big deal is, for sure with young children. I shared a room with my brother - he's 2 years older than me - at a certain point. Don't really remember what age - my parents were finishing the basement, so until then, we shared. I think I was probably about six or seven.....we were close, and he always brought me home special treats from his many siyumim in Cheder.....I know this was repeated with my younger sister sharing a room with a younger brother (who is older than she) when they were little, and they too have a great, healthy, close relationship to this day.

(I will mention that once we were older we no longer shared rooms with siblings of opposite gender.)

As others have said, the issues arise when there's unhealthy dynamics, and I don't think separate rooms help in such situations. I also don't think it's healthy to think and worry that all young children of opposite genders sharing a room will lead to issues. It definitely was not true in my family B"H.

In our grandparents' generation. many many people had all the kids in one room.

causemommysaid

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 10:56 am

Ora in town wrote:

That doesn't sound very practical.
For the boy, he will lack privacy.
For the whole family, they lose the living room as soon as it's time for the boy to go to sleep...

well maybe not when they are young but for sure when the kids get older.

Ive seen it done. Its possible even if not super convenient.

I wouldnt put older kids together even if I only had one bedroom for them.

causemommysaid

Tue, Jun 09 2020, 10:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

In our grandparents' generation. many many people had all the kids in one room.

I think all the kids is very different than a couple of them