Need to rest cling child

Zehava

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 2:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Who is we, me and you?

Just for perspective you have no clue what kind of mom I really am, from two sentences. I think you would be pleasantly surprised.

Will not take this personally.

Sending you my love Smile

Maybe
Maybe you’re the worlds most perfect mom. I just don’t know anyone with that attitude who is. I wasn’t either when I thought this way. I treated my kids the way anyone would treat someone who is trying to manipulate them.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 3:00 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Well OP if you figure it out, I'd love to know the magic. My dd is very similar. Gets easily overwrought and frustrated by little things. Everything is 'I can't' and she cries very easily. I try and be reassuring and validate her but it often isn't enough. She's also an anxious child by nature and I don't know if that makes a difference. And to those posters that say spending more time helps, well it doesn't always. I don't see a difference if I've given more attention or not.
I'm with you op- it's really hard and frustrating. But I just tell myself this too shall pass and try not to take it personally. But there are enough days when I want to hide under my covers and ignore

I don't know if exactly the same. Can tell you some things I do.

If she yells that she wants something, screams etc..I tell her I can't hear. Sometimes I make it funny. "I think there is a dog barking. I heard a noise. Let me check" training to speak in a calm voice.

Time out for hurting, not listening multiple times. I barely ever do this bec she screams and runs off but it helps. Long periods of no discipline and she knows she is running the show. I Try not to discipline when I am tired or upset bec it will come out wrong.

Sometimes just forgiveness, holding her and saying, "I know it's a hard day"

In general with all kids it's a fine balance of discipline, love, validation, time"

And yes, I have older kids so I know she will grow up Smile

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 3:03 pm

Zehava wrote:

Are you saying you felt manipulated by your kids?

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 3:32 pm

Zehava wrote:

Like you, I interpreted some of their behavior like crying and tantruming as manipulation

Ok. Let me clarify. I think she truly is understimulated. I think she she truly wants to talk to me all day, have me sit with her when she is watching a video and she truly never wants me to be on the phone. She will try to scream, cry and kick when she can not have this.

I don't consider this manipulative. It's normal, healthy behavior. (For her age, personality and given the fact that I haven't invested in disciplining her)

I do differentiate between true need and what I called crocodile tears (which set you off) it was just the easiest fastest way of saying "she isn't needing me. She is wanting me. She gets enough attention. I already spent time with her..."

In fact I once had a therapist tell me that another child is being manipulative and I left bec I disagreed. I felt he couldnt regulate himself.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 3:33 pm

Learning wrote:

It looks like she is bored. Why don’t you invite kids to your house. Give them treats. Any age children will do. A mother’s helper or 4 year old to play with. When I had more children I realized it is easier when you have a sibling to play with.

Not when you are fatigued...

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 4:14 pm

OP, I understand completely. It can be very difficult when you give a lot of attention/cuddles/etc and they cry the moment you sit down to breathe and eat a sandwich. But the truth is is that you can't function as a proper mother without rest.

I don't have any quick fixes but I have some ideas that might make things a little better. You can have relaxing activities that you do with DD that she will still feel like you're "with" her. For example, coloring pages. Girls her age love to color! Incentivize it. If she colors quietly with you (sit with her and color as well), maybe she can use special markers instead of crayons. But make it clear that it's quiet time. To up the difficulty and make it more educational, you can have her do color by numbers. Other ideas similar to this are beading, pom pom making, friendship bracelets, Lego buildings, puzzles, etc.

There are also a few games (great for fast days btw). One is called Shoe Store. You pretend that you're a customer trying on shoes. You get to sit down while your "store employee (s)" run around the house bringing you shoes to try and putting them on your feet. At the end, they have to put the shoes back exactly where they found them originally.

Another game is "what's on my tush?" You get to lay down on the couch, carpet, or bed, while your kid(s) bring things to place on your tush. Then you have to guess what it is. Repeat until they get bored.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 4:29 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Love these ideas. I do have projects I do with her but maybe can invest in more.

At the time I was too tired to do anything, frankly and just needed to accept and get support. But for all the in between times these are great. Sometimes we draw pics on each other's backs.

thatworn

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 5:04 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

The "what's on my tush" is a bit alarming, no? You really want to be teaching children that they should be going near body parts like that? I mean, they're bored and all but ...

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 10:25 pm

Learning wrote:

This has become my only way to cope through a whole day. And my kiddo is only 1! She’s just very clingy near me, and totally happy when there’s other ppl (including my husband, mother and every other stranger basically).

I am looking into attachment parenting, I don’t believe in over analyzing things and sometimes behaviors are just learned but I want to work on fostering a comfortable connection between the two of us....