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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
amother
OP
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 12:14 am
My son’s bar mitzvah is coming up in a couple of months and I’m toying with the idea of getting custom covered siddurim instead of bentchers. I’m not a big spender, but considering we are only planning on having close family due to Covid, I was thinking this would be a nice gift that would get used maybe more than bentchers by those attending and a physical daily reminder for our son of his simcha.
Have you ever done this? Recommendations and approximate cost would be super helpful! Thanks so much!
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Elfrida
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:43 am
I've seen it done. It always seemed a bit extravagant to me, but as you say, it is a much smaller group, so some extra expense may be easier to accomodate.
One important point - when I've seen it done, these siddurim tend to sit unused on a shelf afterwards. Most people have a siddur that they use regularly, and they don't change just because someone presents them with a new one. For your son it may become something that is used daily, but it probably won't by the guests. They are more likely to use a benscher which would sit on the table or in a drawer and be picked up whenever necessary. You might want to get a special siddur for your son, and stick with benschers for the rest.
You say in a couple of months, so would that be close to Chanukah? A nice Chanukah candle lighting thing, with the brachos and Maoz tzur and maybe a summary of the halachos would also be a nice present, and a bit less usual than a benscher.
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watergirl
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:56 am
My husband loves nothing more than looking through the shaimos at shul in the morning and finding treasures (the shul collects and resells unwanted but in good/useable condition). The number of wedding and bar mitzvah benchers and siddurim is through the roof. I really would not spend more than $1/$2 on a bencher.
People really like to use their own siddur. Why not get your son a new leather bound siddur of his own?
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amother
Navy
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:59 am
There are now nice new benchers in Israel with many, many shabbat songs and other songs from all traditions...
Personally, I would prefer such a bencher to a siddur...
Sometimes I received siddurim/machsorim for free in hotels, but I think a bencher is more usefull
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singleagain
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:02 am
What about a travel/wallet size mincha/mariv in a plastic cover?
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amother
Red
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:17 am
We gave מגילת אסתר for one
And תפילות לחודשתשרי for the next
A freind gave פרקי אבות
Another gave tehillim
Another gave a shabbos siddur which includes parsha
And they are used
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amother
Gold
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:29 am
We were also not into benchers.
First child was just before Sukkot, so we gave out hoshana books.
Second child did a theme of brachot, so we gave a bracha book (like for looking up what bracha to make on a given food) which also had bensching at the back.
Third child was born on pesach. I ordered 20 simple hagadot for our family seder, and 30 benchers. The company let me mix and match, as long as I was personalizing at least 50 total items.
By the time the fourth child came around I had so many benchers in my house! Even the one when I ordered 30, very few people took them home. It felt like a waste of money, plus it creates so much unneeded sheimos. I skipped the benchers for the fourth child. For shabbos we used benchers from our collection.
That said, I do have a siddur that I got as a favor from a wedding years ago, and I use it regularly. It is a nice, compact size, a good binding, and a clear printing.
On the one hand, people might use it. On the other hand, it is true that most people don't really need another siddur. I don't know how to advise you.
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Amelia Bedelia
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:36 am
In my home, only the siddurim tend to get used. Not bentchers. Not pocket size mincha/maarivs. Not pirkei avos or perek shira. I think if it's a well-bound full siddur, it's a great idea.
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amother
Teal
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:37 am
If you go for a siddur make sure it's a useable one, either typical or a good (readable) travel one with clear print. Many of the cheap ones have hard to read print that's hard to use
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ddmom
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 8:38 am
I think a small pocket siddur is a great idea if you can afford it! We have a bunch of siddurim and they are all being used!
I think it's so much more practical than benchers(we have too many of those!)
Order less than the number of ppl you will be having ,some ppl have their own and are not interested in taking one more!
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amother
Mistyrose
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 11:29 am
I think another siddur is appreciated in any frum household
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amother
Blue
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 1:26 pm
We use those siddurim that we got at simchos! They're great to keep in the car and for when guests come to your house and for kids who leave their regular siddurim in school.
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STMommy
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Thu, Oct 08 2020, 1:59 pm
I know this was posted in the Simcha section but when I saw the title I thought, "Ooh! Another game!"
To answer your question OP - I see people's tastes can vary - in my house the benchers don't get used but neither do the little siddurs, because the font is too tiny - I like the idea of a pocket mincha/maariv better.
Mazal tov!
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Mandelmaker
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Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:36 am
Thank you all for your responses! They were very helpful. I ended up finding a place to do hadlakas Chanuka Neiros and bentching in 1 booklet. Something special people can pack away in the Chanuka box and use every year. Not as useful as a siddur, but seemed like not everyone would use that anyway and bentchers so common....
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jflower
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Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:52 am
OP, sounds like a great solution. Mazel tov!
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amother
Jade
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Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:09 pm
Hi op Mazel tov!
My son's bar mitzvah is this coming week iyH.
I had the same idea as you.
I ended up going with benchers last minute, just because we decided to put the "extra" money towards something else for the bar mitzvah that my sons prefered. I think a small pocket sized siddur is a great idea. We have a few from simchos and they for sure get used. My husband and son each have one from a nephews bar mitzvah in their tefillin bag. I have from another simcha that I keep in my purse... I wish you a beautiful simcha and lots of nachas.
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amother
Jade
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Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:10 pm
Mandelmaker wrote: | Thank you all for your responses! They were very helpful. I ended up finding a place to do hadlakas Chanuka Neiros and bentching in 1 booklet. Something special people can pack away in the Chanuka box and use every year. Not as useful as a siddur, but seemed like not everyone would use that anyway and bentchers so common.... |
Saw this after I responded.
Beautiful idea!
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