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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Preschoolers
amother
OP
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:04 pm
My 4.5 year old is one of the most mature little girls I've met. Understanding, willing to compromise, empathetic. It's almost funny seeing her run for her pacifier at bedtime. She used to love it all day long, but about a year ago we started putting it up on a high shelf when she got up for the day. If we leave it down, it's often too hard for her to not take it during the day. She likes it for comfort when she's upset about something and it soothes her to sleep. She used to say "When I'm 4, I won't need to sleep with my paci," and then it turned into "When I'm 5...," and tonight it was "When I'm 6 and not so tired..." I said to her that 6 is really big, maybe I should take it away so it won't be so hard for her to get used to not having it. She got really anxious just thinking about it. She's such a good girl, I feel so bad making her so upset, like losing a great friend. But at the same time she does feel like it's babyish so I'm sure it would be a relief, too. And obviously I'd have her best interests at heart, which I think she will intellectually realize. Any experience with this age and type of kid? Has anyone had a kid give it up herself at this age? Or should I just take it away?
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amother
Emerald
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:09 pm
The longer you wait the harder it is. It's gonna be hard the 1st few nights but she'll get used to it with time, usually faster than you think.
You can attach the paci to a helium balloon and watch it fly up together.
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Moonlight
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:10 pm
I would let it get lost and not replace it
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rmbg
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:14 pm
Why do you care if she has it?
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blessedjmom
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:25 pm
Dealing with the same thing now with my 4.5 ur old daughter.
Following
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Fave
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:41 pm
blessedjmom wrote: | Dealing with the same thing now with my 4.5 ur old daughter.
Following |
Following - 5.5 year old
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amother
OP
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:57 pm
rmbg wrote: | Why do you care if she has it? |
I don't care at all if she has it as long as she'll be able to give it up. I feel bad that on the one hand it's so comforting for her to have it, and on the other she seems stressed lately when she thinks about not having it anymore in the future. Like a loose tooth- is it worth it (or even possible) to just wait it out or better to yank it out for her?
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amother
Salmon
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:21 pm
Check if she’s replacing it with her thumb. If she is, she still needs to suck and taking it away won’t help, it will just create another fight later. Give it back and try later. If she’s really ready to give it up, go cold turkey.
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amother
Bronze
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:25 pm
When I was told my kids are to old for pacifiers and I took them away they both took there fingers and costed me $1000’s in orthodontic work. My next few kids I didn’t take away a pacifier and they gave it up eventually and I didn’t have to pay for orthodontist work.
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amother
Sienna
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:30 pm
I kept on discussing it each night at bedtime. That when you’ll turn 6 you’ll be so big and you’ll get this CD player with headphones to listen to. After a month of talking about it my child felt ready to replace the pacifier. Did take a while to fall asleep instead of a minute.
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rmbg
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I don't care at all if she has it as long as she'll be able to give it up. I feel bad that on the one hand it's so comforting for her to have it, and on the other she seems stressed lately when she thinks about not having it anymore in the future. Like a loose tooth- is it worth it (or even possible) to just wait it out or better to yank it out for her? |
I would wait it out. She won’t have it forever. All of my kids eventually gave theirs up voluntarily (except for one who had oral surgery and we had to forcefully take it and it was awful).
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amother
Cobalt
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 7:15 pm
Dealing with this with a 5 year old. I don’t want to take it away- I want him to have a comfort item for as long as he needs it.
But I would like him to use it only for bedtime, long car trips, and times when he needs comfort. Instead he just uses it all the time when he is home or in the car.
Is there any way to limit it but not take it away?
I don’t want him to lose interest yet- my personal philosophy is that it’s so much better than things that adults use as de-stressors (junk, alcohol, smoking etc...)
I’m a very oral person and I’m guessing he is too. He doesn’t need OT.
But is there a way to limit it to just nights without taking away the whole thing?
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amother
Cobalt
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 7:20 pm
Sorry, maybe I should have done a spin-off. This has been on my mind for a while.
(Also please nobody yell at me that I must take it away.)
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amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Oct 13 2020, 7:26 pm
My 3 older kids we got rid of paci on 3rd birthday.first few wks were hard. My 4th I tried when he turned 3 a year ago and then he got sick and I caved and gave it back to.him. now he just turned 4 and hes so attached. Hes like a big kid but still a baby. I really don't want him to have it but dont want to deal with hard bedtimes lol help in same boat.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 14 2020, 1:39 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote: | When I was told my kids are to old for pacifiers and I took them away they both took there fingers and costed me $1000’s in orthodontic work. My next few kids I didn’t take away a pacifier and they gave it up eventually and I didn’t have to pay for orthodontist work. |
Wow, you guys are making me feel so much better! I was sure I was going to get a whole bunch of "OMG what's a 4 year old doing with a pacifier???!!!"s. Do you recall approximately how old they were when they gave them up on their own?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 14 2020, 1:40 am
rmbg wrote: | I would wait it out. She won’t have it forever. All of my kids eventually gave theirs up voluntarily (except for one who had oral surgery and we had to forcefully take it and it was awful). |
Do you recall their ages approximately?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 14 2020, 1:50 am
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote: | Dealing with this with a 5 year old. I don’t want to take it away- I want him to have a comfort item for as long as he needs it.
But I would like him to use it only for bedtime, long car trips, and times when he needs comfort. Instead he just uses it all the time when he is home or in the car.
Is there any way to limit it but not take it away?
I don’t want him to lose interest yet- my personal philosophy is that it’s so much better than things that adults use as de-stressors (junk, alcohol, smoking etc...)
I’m a very oral person and I’m guessing he is too. He doesn’t need OT.
But is there a way to limit it to just nights without taking away the whole thing? |
My daughter wasn't supposed to have it in gan when she was 3.5, and it made it hard for her to go to gan. So I made a nice box from paper and put it up high in the closet. I told her it's her special paci box and we need to put it in when she wakes up in the morning. I told her it's not good for her to have it during the day and it's too hard for her when it's accessible, and if she wants to have it at night, she needs to make sure she's able to put it away for the day. For a week or 2 she still asked and cried for it if something upset her. I sat with her and held her and told her it's okay, I'm here with her, she doesn't need it, she's big. Baruch Hashem it worked and she was fine, and she still needs lots of kisses for booboos, but not her paci. Except at night, which you all are making me feel much better about! Hatzlacha to all!
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Oct 14 2020, 3:55 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Wow, you guys are making me feel so much better! I was sure I was going to get a whole bunch of "OMG what's a 4 year old doing with a pacifier???!!!"s. Do you recall approximately how old they were when they gave them up on their own? |
Each kid different but between 5-7
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Teomima
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Wed, Oct 14 2020, 4:32 am
My now-4-yo was very reluctant to give up her pacifier, which was new to me because my older kids either never took to one or gave it up much more easily. What we did is she chose one to keep and we made a doll (with an old sock and some stuffing) and we stuck that last pacifier inside. Now she sleeps with it every night and she's very attached to it but that's fine with me. Worked like a charm.
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