A serious thread- what age do you allow children to cross th

amother

Emerald

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 2:59 pm

Do you teach them to make eye contact with drivers?
I’ve discussed this idea many times with my 10 year olds but I think she would be too shy to do this.
So I haven’t let her cross yet. (I’m planning to let in about 6 months don’t worry and please don’t bash me- - I want to keep teaching her and see her checking for cars etc...)

Also, is height a factor? In terms of stepping out behind parked cars, drivers noticing etc...
Would you let a taller kid earlier than a shorter kid?

amother

Taupe

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 3:26 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Kids should never be crossing in middle of the street from behind parked cars. They should only be crossing at a crosswalk or corner.

behappy2

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 3:36 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

If they are crossing at a young age (5 to 10) I teach them that there can't be ANY cars on the entire block. Older yes, I taught my son, but mostly I exaggerate the amount of space needed to always be on the cautious side. I assume you are talking busy streets with crosswalks, which we don't have much of.

Crossing from behind cars. I tell them to check from about 4 feet until reaching the car to make sure no cars are coming that they might miss. Then to poke head out and check (bec they still might miss a car. Hard to explain over text) this coming out of the driveway or from someone's house. If they could avoid then better. I never considered height.

Just One

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 4:47 pm

behappy2 wrote:

I live in monsey.

Quiet road on shabbos from age 4

Quiet road weekday from maybe age 5, 6 depending on kid (I would ideally wait but this is already past my neighborhood standard which is age 3)

Age 10 cross busier streets with light, cross semi busy streets without light

It's really dependent on the child. In my neighborhood it's either isolate them/stunt their independence and social life or teach them safety rules and go out of comfort zone. I've chosen the latter.

I find your post really interesting. May I ask if you live in Israel?
My gut tells me that naturally most kids can keep safe at the young ages you say but that in most communities kids are sheltered and babied longer than absolutely necessary and therefore mature and develop responsibility later

amother

Taupe

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 5:18 pm

Just One wrote:

She wrote she lives in Monsey. This is actually quite common on quiet streets that barely any cars pass by.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 2:25 pm

DD was quite mature and followed safety directions, but we also took things intersection by intersection. Some were very quiet, some were blind turns, and some were notorious for people blowing past stop signs without a care in the world.

I think what made the most impact on her when she was little, was that one day were were going for a walk, and we saw a squirrel that had been run over. I told her "Squirrels are really fast, right? But this one still got squished. If a car hit you, you would end up squished like the squirrel. Squished FLAT. You are not as fast as a squirrel. Not only that, but you are small, and drivers can't always see you. That is why you have to be extra careful."

I would always point out the drivers to DD, and tell her "You can do everything right and be super careful, but if the drivers aren't being safe and following the rules, you can still get hurt." People would drive while on the phone, while drinking their Starbucks coffee, or even putting on mascara!

She learned to look at the faces of drivers, and gauge whether they actually see her or not, and to figure out what is happening inside the car that might create a hazard for her. She would always be on the safe side and let people pass, instead of trying to dart out and risk her luck - like a squirrel.

Rappel

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 2:59 pm

This one is a challenge for me. My DS is trained to cross streets, and impatient that I'm more strict with him than his friends' parents. He's 4, and I know I should probably let him cross the street to visit his friends by the time he's 5, or he'll be the absolute baby in his circles. But the idea of sending him across so young gives me the willies. I don't think I crossed a Brooklyn Street alone before I was 10, and that was with traffic signals. Just because there hasn't yet been an accident yet doesn't mean it couldn't happen, and I wish that I could put off his independence longer.

grace413

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 3:09 pm

Rappel wrote:

Maybe it's different in a yishuv but it's illegal in Israel to let kids cross the street before age 9.

Many years ago my gan aged daughter came home with a page "things I can do by myself" One of the things was go to the makolet. You have to cross the street to go to our makolet and I was amazed that this was considered proper chinuch.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:25 pm

Rappel wrote:

You're not wrong. What is the traffic like in your yishuv, especially on the streets in question?

Is your son impulsive, and if he gets excited will he forget to look both ways, and wait until the road is clear?

Even if your child is the most mature and careful kid on the planet, can you trust other drivers?

I was surprised to learn that "quiet" roads are actually more dangerous than "busy" roads. Busy roads are more likely to have lights and crosswalks. Quiet roads are where drivers are not expecting pedestrians. Drivers tend to think they have the roads all to themselves, so they are more likely to speed and to ignore crosswalks and stop signs. Drivers are also more likely to back out of their driveways without checking all the way around.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:27 pm

grace413 wrote:

When I first moved here, I was surprised at the kids who wanted me to "cross them", and even held my hand. Now I'm used to it and happy to do it. It's so sweet!

Rappel

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:34 pm

grace413 wrote:

That law sounds too sensible to be Israeli. Smile

By trained, I mean that I've taught him what to do, and every time we reach a road I ask him to determine when it's safe to cross. He's 10/10 on judgement and caution, but he's still young enough that I feel that it's a risk to rely on him.

Our street has plenty of children on it, and all his friends cross the street, together and separately. We'll see how much longer I can limit him. The street is overall quiet, but sometimes we get drivers fresh off the hilltops whom don't realize how fast they're going. Army vehicles also race along. That's what makes me nervous.

I'm surprised that the street crossing bothered you more than sending a 4 year old to the makolet alone LOL

oh, Israel!

FranticFrummie

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:43 pm

Rappel wrote:

I'm surprised that the street crossing bothered you more than sending a 4 year old to the makolet alone LOL

oh, Israel!

When I was on my first visit to Israel, I was staying with a family who had little kids. The mom regularly sent the 4 and 5 year olds to the makolet. They had a written list, an envelope, and some money. The cashier knew them, so he would fill their order, make change, and put the change and receipt in the envelope, in the bag of groceries that the kids carried home.

The 5yo girl insisted that her 4yo brother had to go with her, because the 5yo was shy, and her 4yo brother made her feel braver.

I found the entire thing baffling, and couldn't stop making this face. Surprised

! It's so incredibly different than the way American parenting is.

Then I got used to it. When DD was 13, I let her take the train to Tel Aviv by herself. She met up with some of her school friends so they could go shopping on Dizengoff - no parents allowed!

mandksima

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:47 pm

I'm in Israel where the rule is 9 but I think my kids crossed a small one way street when they were still 8 to get to their bus stop. Usually somebody crossed them even then. I never let them cross the street to the makolet until 9. Told them they had to wait on the corner until someone came and crossed them. I'm glad all of the parks nearby are reachable without crossing streets.

Rappel

Sat, Oct 24 2020, 4:53 pm

I suspect that that list would disappear en route, and an order of 10 chocolate bars, 3 lolly pops, a box of gum, and assorted bags of chips would follow. Keep the change. Smile

Not that he's a bad kid. But he's definitely at the age where wishful thinking becomes reality.

------

Yishuv makolets have family accounts in the system, so the money is actually irrelevant. Just give them your family number, and you'll settle the account later. I often see kids account-buying chocolate puddings, snacks, and pastries on their way to school, and I wonder what their moms really told them to buy for their lunch.