Belati sold out in 15 minutes!!!

wiki

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:48 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I’m sorry, but no one can change anyone else. You just need to work on changing yourself. And 5 year olds don’t get socially ostracized for what they wear. I dress my son the way I do because I enjoy it. His friends don’t care what he wears. His best friend in school happens to dress really unfashionably. To the point, it looks like his mom dresses him like that purposely. Which store even sells baggy pants anymore unless your are specifically looking for it?
My son doesn’t care that his friend looks like his clothes came out of a garbage can. He’s five. He doesn’t know the difference.

My kids aren't even so unfashionable, I think. I shop Carters and Target and Old Navy and some Kidichic, and my kids look reasonably normal.

At the preschool level, I really don't care what the other moms are putting their kids in. I don't lash out resentfully about it on Imamother. The people who have the money and interest in dressing their kids in European fashions are my neighbors, and their kids are my kids' friends. They're spending their money on what they like, and that's fine with me.

These little kids will all grow up, though. And they will pick up their parents' values. Just because your children are still little doesn't change my main point. My oldest is already big enough to know what's cool in her class and what is totally not cool.

People in these threads get sensitive and emotional because this is a real issue.

For some people, how fashionable they are or aren't is really not an important part of how they view themselves or others. But for a lot of other people, it is. For those who don't care about fashion, being anti-fashion is a statement of values. For many of those who are fashionable, being fashionable is a favored, joyous hobby that fills up a great deal of headspace. (Then there are lots of people in the middle who don't care about fashion personally but they buy into it because they like to fit into communal norms.)

Nobody likes feeling judged for their values or for their hobbies. Also, no one wants their kids to be judged on externalities.

Key take-away: make sure your kids know that that fashion cannot be taken to point of avodah zara. If your kids feels like making a fashion "aveira" of wearing something "wrong" like baggy pants is a forbidden act, then the fashion rules have become mitzvos in their minds, and that means something is wrong.

Mommy3b2c, your kids are little, and I'm sure they observe no fashion avoda zara. I know you're an amazing mom, and I'm sure you'll try hard to raise them to see past fashion as they grow older also.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:50 am

wiki wrote:

Don't worry, mommy3b2c, I have no interest in changing you or in changing your fashion choices.

I will raise my kindergarten boy that he should be happy being friends with your son. Please do your part to raise your son to be inclusive and loving to mine as well.

That means never saying things like "Where do they even find those baggy pants anyway?" in front of your kids. Please raise him with the values that he will allow me to happily live the "you do you attitude" that I aspire to have.

We're all in the same community. I can accept your shopping choices, if I can honestly feel that my kids will be valued for ours.

Cool

I would never say something like that out loud actually. Just trying to give you an idea of just how outdated this kid dresses. And my children are taught to except everyone. Which is why this kid is welcome in my house anytime. And does come all the time. And I’m so happy he’s my sons friend because he’s a great kid. One of my closest friends dresses horribly. But I love her because she’s an awesome person. My point is don’t judge anybody by their clothing. Whether it’s Gucci or came out of a garbage bag.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:58 am

wiki wrote:

My oldest is 14 years old. He doesn’t give a hoot about fashion. He just wants to wear sweatpants all day. My second son is very into designer brands and I’m teaching him to stop being so into it. Sometimes it’s just a personality thing.

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:09 am

wiki wrote:

Maybe someone wants to shop at Target. Maybe she thinks this frum norm that kids are supposed to wear "European clothes" is pretentious, and superficial, and materialistic, and financially unwise, and sometimes even immodest. So she decides, "you doing you," that she won't dress her kid in that stuff.

Then she has to deal with her kid facing reality of not fitting in, maybe being judged, maybe even being mocked or socially ostracized.

So then maybe she also gives in, making poor financial choices, maybe becoming a bit of a hypocrite, and not honoring her own sense of fashion or modesty, in hopes of helping her kid have a socially normal, happy childhood.

No one gets ostracized for wearing Target clothing. People get ostracized for wearing smelly dirty clothing, or wearing clothing that looks like it was handed down father to son for generations. I live very much so in town and the company doesn't matter, it's the general look and smell of the child that matters.

amother

Lime

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:03 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I hope his mom isn't on here.... Banging head