Baby Got Beaten Up at Babysitter.

stem

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 6:03 pm

1stimer wrote:

Quote:

Being a stay-at-home mother does not necissarily mean that the kids get more attention. I was just mentioned that daycare kids as more violent as a general example of kids that probably don't get as much attention from their mothers than they would like.

being a jew doesn't necessarily mean being tight-fisted, I just mentioned jews as tight-fisted as an example of people that are probably tight fisted... Rolling Eyes

You know, I really did not mean to insult you. I don't judge anyone who has to send their kids to daycare. Each family is entitled to make its decisions on the way they want or are forced to raise their kids. The reason I brought up my general observations on kids in day care, is because this thread is about a kid being beaten up in day care.

stem

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 8:43 pm

I already said what I would do if my child was the one hitting (biting, or anything else):

Quote:

Oh, and if it were my child who was doing the hitting, yes, I would pull them out of play group and do some serious evaluating on the child and their behavior. Obviously, he/she is too young and not trained yet for a social life.

I would try to figure out why they are behaving that way, and work on it. I'm not saying that something is wrong with anyone. It's just a situation that has to be dealt with. I would not sweep it under the rug by saying "all toddlers hit, bite." Whether my child is the one being beaten, or the bully.

mommy2

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:43 pm

Quote:

and what about if 1 of your kids bit the other?? does that mean there is s/t wrong w/ u?

I meant your own 2 children.
I think as the family grows there is more sibling rivalry and if it happens often there might be s/t wrong but a 1 time thing can happen.

stem

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:59 pm

That's true. I still don't think the parents should look the other way thinking "this is normal."
When I was growing up we had a stict rule about hitting. If a kid hit, no matter what the circumstances, they were punished. (Afterwards, the kid could explain what brought him to act out).

1stimer

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 2:11 pm

Quote:

have you posted ANYWHERE ELSE about a thread going off to another topic, or ONLY HERE because you don't like what's being said?

Motek, of course the reason I posted here, is because I didn't like what was said. As I said earlier, the first time you bought it up, I let it slide, the 2nd time it was too much.

I don't understand why you wrote that on this thread, you obviously didn't think that reading it would make me think 'oops, I better stop sending him to a babysitter, let me call work and quit!' So was it just to have a go at me? I don't think it is nice to write something just to have a go at me. I am a person too! I don't like it when people have a go at me Sad

1stimer

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 2:12 pm

Quote:

The reason I brought up my general observations on kids in day care, is because this thread is about a kid being beaten up in day care.

and the reason I replied what I did, is because it as fair to make general observations on 'kids in day care' as it is to make general observations on Jews, blacks or any other 'groups'

Motek

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 4:23 pm

1stimer wrote:

Motek, of course the reason I posted here, is because I didn't like what was said.

So then it's nothing to do about "hijacking" threads and "agendas". Glad you cleared that up.

The 1st time I brought it up I did so only to make it clear that although I responded (more than once) to your topic, that my posts should not be understood as validating the baby at the babysitter phenomenon.

The 2nd time I brought it up was, as I posted, in response to Mandy, not to you.

Although you started the thread, this is not a discussion just between you and me!

ElTam

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 4:44 pm

This is one of those situations where you have to trust your gut. Things happen in life. As mommies we can't and shouldn't teach our kids that if they get hurt somewhere, they should never go there again. If that were the case, my daughter would never go to any room of our house. She's learning to walk and she's fallen down pretty much everywhere. If we give our kids the idea that they can't handle getting hurt, they have no preparation for life.

That being said, it is our responsibility to protect our children from harm. It's a hard line to walk, but no one ever said motherhood was easy. If you feel in your gut this isn't a safe situation (too many kids, the babysitter is less protective than you feel is appropriate, or even something you can't put your finger on that doesn't feel right), then you should change situations.

If you do continue to leave your child there, is is possible for you or your husband to stop by unexpectedly now and again just to see how things are going. (If the babysitter doesn't allow this, you absolutely should not leave your child there, BTW.)

Motek

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 4:58 pm

A mother of 7 made an interesting point to me about this. She said that you have to know the situation at the babysitter/daycare. Some of them are simply not set up to handle lots of kids with individual care and you must consciously make the decision whether you want your child there.

For example, she dealt with a place where a baby will be left screaming in the crib. So she said, if you know that your baby won't cry, you might consider it anyway.

As far as hitting etc. she once went to a daycare center for 2-3 yr. olds when it was "early drop-off" time. There was a person in charge who was definitely not on top of what was going on. Maybe because it was not her job ... My sister saw two children fighting. When the woman turned around, she caught the victim hitting and reprimanded him ...

Quote:

As mommies we can't and shouldn't teach our kids that if they get hurt somewhere, they should never go there again.

I would agree with that if the kid isn't an infant or toddler, and if the situation is one in which they aren't attacked with no one in charge of the children's safety.

re children learning to walk who fall and hurt themselves - I don't see the connection between that and being attacked

dropping in unexpectedly is a great idea

carrot

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 9:03 pm

Quote:

If you do continue to leave your child there, is is possible for you or your husband to stop by unexpectedly now and again just to see how things are going. (If the babysitter doesn't allow this, you absolutely should not leave your child there, BTW.)

if a teacher doesn't want parents to drop in at any time, it could be for other reasons besides that she is afraid of what you might see.

1) it could be the reason is because it would disrupt the program that's going on

2) or because sometimes the kids are happy, then when mom comes they cry again, etc.

3) sometimes it is the mom that is having separation anxiety, and by not leaving, not showing confidence, passing that insecurity on to the kid.

maybe it is different with a babysitter though, or with younger kids/babies. I don't know but I just didn't think such a blanket statement is necessarily true.

Mandy

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 9:23 pm

carrot, all three of your reasons could be obviated by coming to pick up the child early occasionally and not telling the sitter before hand. If you are just dropping by, then you might disrupt the program, make the kid cry, etc. But not if you are picking your child up, even at an unexpected time.

The fancy daycares now have internet connections that allow you to log on and see your child's daycare live. I think I would like that, if I could afford such a place. It would make me more comfortable b/c the staff would know they are potentially being watched and would be more careful.

Motek

Thu, Aug 18 2005, 10:13 pm

those are fine reasons carrot, but there must be a way for parents to stop by, to see what's going on - possibly through a window or some other way that won't disrupt the program

anybody remember the scandal of a number of yrs. ago in an extremely frum, yeshivish place, where the daycare program for 2 yr. olds in some frum woman's home was closed down because of molestation charges?