|
|
|
|
|
Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
|
Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:23 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote: | It’s very common in divorce cases (including in my own where I would have no problem giving a copy of my get) for the two ex spouses not to communicate directly with each other. |
thinking it through now...I think I honestly have a harder time with this specific person reaching out to me, knowing im going thru what im going thru right now... I feel it was tactless and insensitive, when she knew the request could easily be dealt with by him calling beis din
| |
|
Back to top |
8
7
|
seeker
|
Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:27 pm
Could be she's just brainless. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
9
|
amother
Chocolate
|
Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:38 pm
OP, why not just say you'll look for it?
Then get back to her (or wait til she gets back to you) and say you can't find it. You'll need a copy as well. And could he send you a copy when he gets one from the bais din.
play innocent.
| |
|
Back to top |
1
4
|
amother
Lavender
|
Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:43 pm
You don't get a copy of the get. It's torn up. You get a letter from the beis din.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Aqua
|
Wed, Apr 21 2021, 11:18 pm
For those of us divorced from "man-children," cleaning up their messes is an emotional burden we worked hard to free ourselves from, so what seems like a small favor can be experienced as a setback. Some of these guys are not getting their act together, even years later, and we need to set firm boundaries. My ex recently asked me to include him when I file taxes so he can get his stimulus check. UM. No. Figure it out, man.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
21
|
amother
Pink
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 12:31 am
In Israel DD had to pay about $80 to get a document stating she is divorced.
Then the X came along and wanted a copy for free. No thanks, pay for your own.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
8
|
FranticFrummie
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:08 am
amother [ Aqua ] wrote: | For those of us divorced from "man-children," cleaning up their messes is an emotional burden we worked hard to free ourselves from, so what seems like a small favor can be experienced as a setback. Some of these guys are not getting their act together, even years later, and we need to set firm boundaries. My ex recently asked me to include him when I file taxes so he can get his stimulus check. UM. No. Figure it out, man. |
OMGosh, THIS! Some men are emotional leeches, and they can't let go of the attachment.
My ex had copied all of my contacts from my phone, when I left it out on a table once. Even now he still calls some of my friends "just to see if they've heard from me." He knows that if he tries to contact me, I will ignore him. They all know not to engage with him.
He didn't give a darn about me when we were married, but suddenly I'm free and living my own life, so NOW I'm interesting? Ugh!
Dude, get over yourself and grow up.
| |
|
Back to top |
7
1
|
allthingsblue
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:13 am
amother [ Maroon ] wrote: | I'm not sure what the issue is.
I'm not divorced but I was once fired from work. They would call me even months later asking me where files are and what did we do about this last year etc.
I never had an issue with helping them |
That's completely inappropriate of them.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
13
|
imasinger
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:13 am
To the poster talking about firm boundaries with man children, you're absolutely right. It really does depend on the situation.
To FF, just wow. I'm glad you're free of his craziness.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
6
|
amother
Oak
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:16 am
My dh is divorced. I once asked him where he keeps his get and he said the Bais din tears up the actual get after the process. They must keep records though in case someone needs proof so I would think he should contact the Bais din. Why wouldn’t he?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
Oak
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:19 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | thinking it through now...I think I honestly have a harder time with this specific person reaching out to me, knowing im going thru what im going thru right now... I feel it was tactless and insensitive, when she knew the request could easily be dealt with by him calling beis din |
That really makes sense. Your put off by her insensitivity now. Not the fact that he needs divorce proof.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
Iymnok
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:28 am
If I were to lose any of my documents, I know which offices to contact. I’ll call my Rav to rewrite my kesuba if that were to get misplaced. I don’t think I’d even call my parents for anything except my birth certificate since I know they have those.
He’s an adult and could act like one. You are not responsible for him any more. That’s part of how divorce works.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
7
|
amother
White
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 7:45 am
I'm not divorced but my DH was divorced before he met me. It's good to maintain a civil relationship when possible.
IMHO, if it's not a big deal for you, give him a copy of the document.
This is different than if he would say "you know I was never a good cook so could you make me Shabbos meals?". Shabbos meals he could get from someone else.
I think it's completely appropriate (and preferable) that he didn't ask you directly.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Purple
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 8:56 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote: | Something's not adding up. I don't remember getting a Get document- they tear it up immediately after it's done. |
Exactly. They tear it up so that no one should review it and find something to invalidate it. But you should have gotten the document placed in your hands for a few moments before it was torn up, because you have to accept it in your hands for it to go into effect. The document is not "his" get--it's YOUR get that your ex-dh gave to you, and he has neither right nor reason to have a copy of it.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Blonde
|
Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:47 pm
I would in the nicest way possible direct the xh or the messenger to ask the beis din for it. If she said you're mean, too bad for her, it's her problem. A normal person is not offended when you tell them to kindly ask the beis din directly..
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
| |
|
|
|
|
|