Walking down the aisle

amother

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 12:00 am

There is a minhag, I believe it's mostly by chassidim and I think Chofetz Chaim, that when walking down the aisle to the chuppah both fathers walk the chosson and both mothers walk the kallah.
Does anyone know the reason for this?

amother

Bisque

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 12:35 am

bunch of reasons
-kabala
-niddah issues. some hold that a couple cant hold onto the bride/groom at the same time if she sis a niddah

others I dont know

amother

Ivory

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 1:10 am

Actually I believe there are two minhagim brought down in shulchan aruch.
1. Fathers walk down chassan and mothers walk down kalla
2. Parents walk their own child down.

To the best of my knowledge these are both valid minhagim and have nothing to do with nidda. I will check with dh tomorrow.

b.chadash

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 1:16 am

Walking Down the Aisle
RABBI EPHRAIM GLATT, ESQ. HALACHIC HIGHLIGHTS AUGUST 07 2019
Question: Who should walk the chasan and kallah down the aisle to the chupah?

Short Answer: The Rama cites the minhag for the fathers of the chasan and kallah to walk down the chasan, and the mothers of the chasan and kallah to walk down the kallah. While others have the minhag that the parents of the chasan walk down the chasan and the parents of the kallah walk down the kallah, the main thing is for there to be no fighting over this unimportant issue.

Explanation:

I. Why Walk Altogether?

The Nit’ei Gavriel (Nisuin 14:1) suggests that the source for walking the chasan and kallah down the aisle to the chupah is from Rashi on the Gemara in B’rachos (61a) that Hashem created angels to escort and help Adam HaRishon prepare for his wedding with Chavah. The Nit’ei Gavriel (ibid) also cites the Baal HaTanya who suggests that the chasan and kallah are escorted to the chupah because they are too embarrassed to walk themselves and need someone to lean on for moral support.

Similarly, the Tashbeitz (465, as cited in Yismach Lev 104) suggests that the chasan and kallah need to be flanked by escorts, as they are comparable to a king and queen who are always flanked by servants and officers.

II. Flanked by the Fathers

Notably, the Rama (Yoreh Dei’ah 391:3), when discussing whether an aveil can walk his child down the aisle, mentions that the minhag is for the fathers of the chasan and kallah to walk down the chasan, and the mothers of the chasan and kallah to walk down the kallah.

The Beis Avi (Rav Yitzchak Isaac Leibes zt”l, 1:142 & 5:140) noted that the minhag in Poland and Galitzia was like the Rama, that the two fathers walked down the chasan and the two mothers walked down the kallah. The Beis Avi suggests that this is the more proper minhag, because often other family members, and not the parents, walk the chasan and kallah down the aisle. By always having men walk the chasan and women walk the kallah, it prevents an uncomfortable and tz’nius situation where non-parents walk the chasan and kallah down the aisle.

This was apparently the minhag of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l (at least for his oldest child; see Yismach Lev, ibid, regarding how the younger children were walked down).

The Sheivet HaLevi (3:187) felt very strongly that the two fathers walk down the chasan and the two mothers walk down the kallah. He even refused to allow a family to change its minhag because he felt that for the parents of the chasan to walk down the chasan and the parents of the kallah to walk down the kallah would be a violation of u’v’chukoseihem lo seileichu – the prohibition not to follow the ways of other nations.

III. Flanked by the Parents

On the other hand, the Beis Avi (ibid) cites the minhag of Lita – that the parents of the chasan walk down the chasan, while the parents of the kallah walk down the kallah. The Beis Avi suggests that the source of this custom stems from a Zohar on the story of Adam and Chavah – that the parents of the kallah bring her to the domain of the chasan. However, the Beis Avi clarifies that because nowadays the chupah is not owned by the chasan, and the yichud room instead functions as the chasan’s “domain,” there is no need for the parents of the kallah to both walk her down.

Nevertheless, the Nit’ei Gavriel (ibid) notes that the minhag of Karlin-Stolin was that the parents of the chasan walk down the chasan, while the parents of the kallah walk down the kallah.

Moreover, the sefer Yismach Lev (ibid) notes that this was also the minhag of Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l.

IV. Different Minhagim?

What should be done where the chasan and kallah have different minhagim?

The Ba’er Moshe (5:165) writes that if the two sides have different minhagim, they should follow the opinion of the majority of attendees. The Nit’ei Gavriel (ibid), despite citing the Ba’er Moshe, appears to rule that the two sides should ask a sh’eilah for a p’sak on what to do in this situation.

The main point, however, is to not cause fights. See Nit’ei Gavriel, ibid. Indeed, there is a story about Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l that when asked what his minhag was regarding who should walk the chasan and kallah down the aisle, he remarked, “Whatever the other side wants!” See ShemaYisrael.com (Rav Scheinbaum, Bo 5770).

Likewise, Rav Avraham Pam zt”l (Yeshurun Journal 11, p. 831) used to say that fighting over ridiculous issues such as who should walk a chasan and kallah down the aisle classifies as “yisurin shel hevel” – silly problems.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:39 am

It's a different minhag. That's all.

PinkFridge

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:49 am

Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt"l said that his minhag was whatever the machutanim preferred.

Chayalle

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:25 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt"l said that his minhag was whatever the machutanim preferred.

He had 6 children and I heard he did 3 one way and 3 the other way.

I can't say I'm on his madreigah at all though - I would want to walk my girls down to their chuppahs with DH!

He was a truly great person.

Chickensoupprof

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:28 am

My mom and MIl walked me down to the chuppa, and me father and my FIL my husband, because my father is not Jewish another rabbi (not the mesader kiddushin) walked behind the father. They held it secret so my father nor my mother would be embarrassed I only know this for a few weeks...

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:54 am

My family is Chofetz Chaim and parents walked down each chosson and kallah. In my situation my father passed away and his mother passed away. I believe we were given the option of males with chosson and females with kallah, but my husband preferred to walk down with his father and sister and I walked down with my mother and brother.

amother

Gray

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:58 am

Im curious what happens if its a second marriage for the choson and kalla?
Who walks them down or do they walk themselves....

Chayalle

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:59 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

My little sister did this, my father took her down to the chuppah together with my older sister. It was after my mother a"h passed away.

Chayalle

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 10:00 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Im curious what happens if its a second marriage for the choson and kalla?
Who walks them down or do they walk themselves....

My father is remarried. I wasn't at the chuppah but IIRC his brother and SIL walked him down, and her brother and SIL walked her down.

Yeah, even in their 60's....

miami85

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 10:27 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Im curious what happens if its a second marriage for the choson and kalla?
Who walks them down or do they walk themselves....

The shushvin are a strong minhag, I think they still have people escort them

amother

Ivory

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 10:32 am

miami85 wrote:

The shushvin are a strong minhag, I think they still have people escort them

Correct.
But I have also seen chupas of second marriages where the kallas walked down the aisle by themselves.

amother

Linen

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 10:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

My little sister did this, my father took her down to the chuppah together with my older sister. It was after my mother a"h passed away.

Like means, our family too.

amother

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 12:59 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

bunch of reasons
-kabala
-niddah issues. some hold that a couple cant hold onto the bride/groom at the same time if she sis a niddah

others I dont know

I heard the Niddah issue too but it isn't really an issue because even a young child that can walk on their own both parents are allowed to hold onto. So doesn't make sense. Also seems odd that specifically in chassidish circles where this is practiced, the chosson and kallah hold hands.

amother

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 1:00 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

While both being accepted, there are those that will only walk down father's and mothers. To the extent that they won't agree to a shidduch if the other side doesn't want this.
There must be a strong reason for it.

lech lecha08

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 1:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

My father is remarried. I wasn't at the chuppah but IIRC his brother and SIL walked him down, and her brother and SIL walked her down.

Yeah, even in their 60's....

My FIL got remarried. Both his new wife and him asked each of their two youngest granddaughters to walk them down. All four girls were between ages 5-8 so they were sort of flower girls/escorting them

amother

Mint

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 3:02 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would steer clear of a shidduch with such inflexible types. All of this is minhag, and while I would go out if my way to accommodate a minhag if possible, I wouldn't let it get in the way of something important.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 3:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What does this have to do with chassan and kallah holding hands?