Chizzuk for having to go to work

amother

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:22 pm

I was wondering if anyone can relate or has chizzuk in this area.

I struggle so much with work. When I was a child I was a great student. Went to a top seminary, got advanced degrees and assumed that I would be a great success. I dreamed of teaching and taught for many difficult years. I could not control the class and really struggled during my teaching years. I love learning, listening to shiurim but with my struggles with discipline I simply got disgusted by being in the school setting and having to deal with kids who would not behave and vowed to never go back. At the same time my husband who was learning started finding odd and end jobs but could not make money. He can't hold down a regular job so he tries his hand at different things.

I now have a regular boring job which I hate. I hate feeling like a shmatte, I hate feeling like I have to be subservient to a boss, I hate feeling like every second I have to be on call. I hate the atmosphere. I'm here a long time.

I have to work because we need money. I struggle so much every day that I am forced to go to work.
I once heard that hashem made the concept of work not as we may think so that people can make money (because money comes from hashem. If hashem wants, I could get rich with no effort) but to work on our middos. So for a long time I've tried to focus on this concept of how when this customer comes in I need to exercise patience because they are annoying or when boss asks me to take care of something I need to work on anava etc.

I still hate work. What other chizzuk can I get. I can't switch jobs being that I am desperate for money and cannot make more at the level I am at. I feel very stuck.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:35 pm

I so relate so what you wrote. I also need to work bec my dh cant make much money. I feel like a slave. my bosses are mean, inhumane, and take advantage of me by giving me extra things to do at home. I have to do them otherwise I can lose my job, but I need the money. hashem can give me a better job situation or make my dh more successful but He decided I need to suffer for some reason....but we dont understand his ways. ....I can say my job bh is not boring but its stressful and demanding...I really hate working and when I postes about my situation here, some posters said to leave but I cant bec then my family and I would have nothing...so bh I can pay my bills but I wish I didnt have to work or at least I wish that my bosses were nice and work envioronment was good...etc...

I feel for you and just wanted to write that I can unfortunately relate.

amother

Brown

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:39 pm

Change your mindset. You are doing what you need to do to support your family. You are strong and capable and resourceful. You are amazing. Feel proud of yourself. You’re not a victim.

Signed another momma who ‘has to work’

amother

Teal

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:42 pm

It’s awful to hate your job as much as you do.
Maybe start a new post with your skills and strengths and posters can give you ideas how to gain new skills (while you work, on the side) so you can do something else, either in or out of your field, that makes the same amount of money you’re making now.

amother

Silver

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:44 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

this. I used to feel the same way till a wise friend told me to stop killing myself with my attitude. Wasn't I the one who wanted this kind of life of being able to support my learning dh after all? I didn't love her so much then but it did I benefit from that schmooze rdd

amother

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:44 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I really appreciate this. Thank you. I try to see things as, "I am supporting my family", "I am supporting my neighborhood shul", "I am supporting my children's schools". But even in that I struggle. I live hand to mouth and I am obsessives about my budget, there are so many things we can't afford. I can't pay full tuition and never ever give extra to rabbeim for anything. I just wonder where did I go wrong vs. all my friends and neighbors who seem to have figured out parnassah at my stage of the game.

amother

Maroon

Tue, May 04 2021, 3:45 pm

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You're smart and talented, so you definitely can find a job you love. Even just in offices there are so many options. Why don't you look at what other jobs are available in your area?

cnc

Tue, May 04 2021, 4:16 pm

My attitude is I work because it’s necessary but BH I’m lucky to have a job that I love.
If I was so so miserable and dreaded going to work each day, I would really see if there’s any way to change jobs - even if not immediately ...

ra_mom

Tue, May 04 2021, 4:39 pm

Sending you hugs and chizzuk! There are a lot of women struggling and the struggle is real.
What you can do is start looking for a new job, something that will put a spring in 6our step. Start sending out your resume and only quit once you find another job.

amother

Brown

Tue, May 04 2021, 4:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

First off: you never really know how everyone’s doing

Second: look at your own ‘page’ and don’t get distracted by anyone else’s. There is always someone who has it better but there’s always someone who has it worse. None of that matters. You’re in YOUR journey. Look straight ahead

amother

Blonde

Wed, May 05 2021, 10:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I relate to so much that's in your post, from quitting teaching due to being ineffective at discipline, to wondering why it's my lot in life to work so hard to (barely) make parnassah. I know that the need to struggle in olam hazeh is part of the curse of Adam and Chava. Each of us has our own mission and purpose in the world. How much parnassah we have and how hard we have to work for it is determined by Hashem. I don't know why it falls to some women to bear the entire burden because our spouses can't/won't carry the load. I think only women who are in this situation can understand. I've started threads on this topic and the responses are along the lines of "Why can't your husband do x, y, z." Well, duh. If he was doing it he'd be doing it and there would be no need for a thread. Always feeling like it's my fault for not "making" him do more, that if I would somehow say or do the right things then he'd be more motivated. Or that I somehow chose this, or that I'm subtly undermining his independence and capability. No! His lack of ambition is not my fault and I'm just doing what I can to pick up the slack so our home doesn't fall apart completely.

The one difference is that I'm on the whole happy in the job and career that I have. It would be a decent parnassah if we didn't have all these children and tuitions to pay but I'm not ungrateful. I sometimes have more frustrating days when I have to deal with difficult clients or co-workers but for the most part I'm learning and developing strategies for how to handle them. Maybe you need a different job? I wish you a lot of hatzlacha.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, May 05 2021, 10:25 am

Op, I could have written your post, word for word, until about a year ago, when I decided to just jump out and switch jobs. It didn't make sense, I took a pay cut, etc. We are still surviving, though, and I am a much happier, less resentful person for it!

amother

Ecru

Wed, May 05 2021, 11:17 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Either a job or a business where you can implement your Gd given talents.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, May 05 2021, 2:59 pm

Why don't you reach out to a recruiter?
There are other jobs out there y'know...
Especially if you've got skills, or are very diligent, have a good work ethic etc..
Bosses are looking for these types of people and they're not necessarily abusive like your current one seems to me...

ora_43

Wed, May 05 2021, 3:43 pm

I think too many of us measure ourselves against a quasi-mythical woman with an Ideal Job. A job that is challenging, and valuable, and prestigious, and pays well.

When in reality there are like 10 jobs like that out there. And most of them have insanely long hours, or involve relocation overseas, or some other life-changing sacrifice.

You have a stable job, your bosses like you enough to keep you around long-term, you're supporting your family. I'm not trying to say 'look on the bright side' here - having a job you hate is a soul-sucking nightmare, and I respect that - but don't beat yourself up or call yourself unsuccessful. You're doing great.

That said, don't give up on switching jobs too quickly. Bad jobs can wear you down to the point where job searching feels pointless. The bad vibes get into your head, until 'I don't like this job' turns into 'I don't like to work', and then you can end up sticking around too long because change feels pointless.

Two things to maybe consider - 1. a job switch that would be a temporary lower salary, but with room for growth, 2. learning new skills for a job switch, even very slowly. For me #2 helped in some less-than-awesome job situations. Just knowing that I was doing something, even if it was just a couple hours a week of resume-building courses, made it easier.