S/O do you read/look at your teens phone

amother

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 1:56 pm

Another thread had me thinking ? How many of you read messages and check your high school age kids phones ?
I feel like a phone is very private. When my dd was in elementary school I would check her phone every night with her consent but at this point I don’t.
She doesn’t have a browser and she has to ask me to add or delete contacts and apps so I feel like I have enough “control” that I wouldn’t want to breach her privacy.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:05 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

It falls under the issur of reading someone else's mail.

Not a child.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:06 pm

It's not right unless you made up with the child that you'll be going through their phone at random times.

amother

Red

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:25 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Not a child.

Do you mean a child in the sense of under bat/bar mitzvah, or a child of a parent?

Phones store both sides of the conversation, so it's violating someone else's privacy as well.

amother

Teal

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:25 pm

No, I don't, it's my kid's main form of communication (Israel).
Doing it without telling her, IMO, would be a major form of betrayal. Anyway, she has a password, so I couldn't even if I were tempted.
And telling her and then doing it is pointless. Any normal teen will just keep deleting anything problematic.

amother

Puce

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:35 pm

From when I was a teen (ten years ago):

I wanted a phone and my mother told me she'll allow me to have one, but she would always be able to go through it.

It felt like a huge breach of my privacy and I chose not to get a phone until I finished high school.

I was really upset at her.

Crookshanks

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:58 pm

My mother told me she would check mine when I got a phone, but she maybe did once or twice and then kind of forgot about it. It was a slidey phone that wasn't able to have a password.

amother

Plum

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 3:44 pm

I locked my phone with a password. after I had my mom reading my diary and going thru all my personal stuff, I locked it and that was the only personal thing I had.
I remember her asking my sibs to ask me for my password all the time but I smartened up.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:02 pm

I had a slide phone so no password option. When I realized my father was constantly going through it - and sometimes right in front of my eyes, I switched the method of turning the phone on (a different button needed to be pressed) and he never got it. He always used to think the battery had died.
And I made sure to keep it on me as much as possible
Please dont do this to your child.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:03 pm

I chose not unless I’m concerned. My daughter started acting very not like her usual self. It took a while, regrettably, but I discovered that something very serious was going on through text. I’d like to think that out of that terrible experience, I’ve become more open with my children, and vice versa. I trust them, but I’m always on the lookout.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:11 pm

I check sporadically. They were told this is the condition of having the phone.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:13 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Not a child.

Read the title of this thread. It's not about a child, it's about a teen.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:15 pm

I voted never. I would mention that my girls didn't have their own phones till they were in their upper teens (as per their school rule).

However, I can't imagine why parents would have the need to monitor their teen's phones, unless there's some medical condition, like severe depression, or something like that, and they feel there's a danger to their life.

ra_mom

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:20 pm

Put on child safety features and that's it. Decide what you're comfortable with, give them the access, and don't check the phone. If you have a child safety app, let them know in advance and discuss it with them if you receive an alert.

amother

Navy

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:55 pm

Unfortunately I speak from experience. I’m very respectful of my kids’ privacy, but there are extreme times when it’s absolutely necessary to cross that line. It can contribute to saving a life. Do it wisely and only if you really believe something serious is going on. If you discover something, that doesn’t mean you’re the one to handle it. Many teens/young adults don’t want to confide in their parents, which should not be taken personally.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:10 pm

I don't.
children have so little power in their world, this is one area where they can have their privacy. So I allow it. It's worked out well for us so far. If anyone thinks they can control their children past a certain age (at some point most of them move out), think again. As long as they're living with me this is a great opportunity for cultivating trust, which strengthens our bond, and is truly a great investment into our adult relationship.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:12 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

I have done that on rare occasion, and I did not reveal that I had done so. I used the info to inform me, but never to use it against my child.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:20 pm

I voted only when im concerned about something. Cuz I checked once the diary of a girl that was under my care. She was hospitalized after an attempt of suicide and I was hoping to find some information to make sense of the situation.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:24 pm

Any responsible parent checks their child's phone. A child has no privacy until they are married. Of course body privacy is completely different.