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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
Do you check your high school age kids phone
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Only when I’m concerned about something |
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33% |
[ 14 ] |
Always |
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14% |
[ 6 ] |
Never |
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52% |
[ 22 ] |
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Total Votes : 42 |
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 1:56 pm
Another thread had me thinking ? How many of you read messages and check your high school age kids phones ?
I feel like a phone is very private. When my dd was in elementary school I would check her phone every night with her consent but at this point I don’t.
She doesn’t have a browser and she has to ask me to add or delete contacts and apps so I feel like I have enough “control” that I wouldn’t want to breach her privacy.
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amother
Red
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:04 pm
It falls under the issur of reading someone else's mail.
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:05 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote: | It falls under the issur of reading someone else's mail. |
Not a child.
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amother
Seafoam
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:06 pm
It's not right unless you made up with the child that you'll be going through their phone at random times.
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amother
Red
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:25 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote: | Not a child. |
Do you mean a child in the sense of under bat/bar mitzvah, or a child of a parent?
Phones store both sides of the conversation, so it's violating someone else's privacy as well.
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amother
Teal
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:25 pm
No, I don't, it's my kid's main form of communication (Israel).
Doing it without telling her, IMO, would be a major form of betrayal. Anyway, she has a password, so I couldn't even if I were tempted.
And telling her and then doing it is pointless. Any normal teen will just keep deleting anything problematic.
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amother
Puce
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:35 pm
From when I was a teen (ten years ago):
I wanted a phone and my mother told me she'll allow me to have one, but she would always be able to go through it.
It felt like a huge breach of my privacy and I chose not to get a phone until I finished high school.
I was really upset at her.
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Crookshanks
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:58 pm
My mother told me she would check mine when I got a phone, but she maybe did once or twice and then kind of forgot about it. It was a slidey phone that wasn't able to have a password.
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amother
Plum
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 3:44 pm
I locked my phone with a password. after I had my mom reading my diary and going thru all my personal stuff, I locked it and that was the only personal thing I had.
I remember her asking my sibs to ask me for my password all the time but I smartened up.
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amother
Aqua
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:02 pm
I had a slide phone so no password option. When I realized my father was constantly going through it - and sometimes right in front of my eyes, I switched the method of turning the phone on (a different button needed to be pressed) and he never got it. He always used to think the battery had died.
And I made sure to keep it on me as much as possible
Please dont do this to your child.
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amother
Azure
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:03 pm
I chose not unless I’m concerned. My daughter started acting very not like her usual self. It took a while, regrettably, but I discovered that something very serious was going on through text. I’d like to think that out of that terrible experience, I’ve become more open with my children, and vice versa. I trust them, but I’m always on the lookout.
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amother
Burlywood
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:11 pm
I check sporadically. They were told this is the condition of having the phone.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:13 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote: | Not a child. |
Read the title of this thread. It's not about a child, it's about a teen.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:15 pm
I voted never. I would mention that my girls didn't have their own phones till they were in their upper teens (as per their school rule).
However, I can't imagine why parents would have the need to monitor their teen's phones, unless there's some medical condition, like severe depression, or something like that, and they feel there's a danger to their life.
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ra_mom
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:20 pm
Put on child safety features and that's it. Decide what you're comfortable with, give them the access, and don't check the phone. If you have a child safety app, let them know in advance and discuss it with them if you receive an alert.
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amother
Navy
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:55 pm
Unfortunately I speak from experience. I’m very respectful of my kids’ privacy, but there are extreme times when it’s absolutely necessary to cross that line. It can contribute to saving a life. Do it wisely and only if you really believe something serious is going on. If you discover something, that doesn’t mean you’re the one to handle it. Many teens/young adults don’t want to confide in their parents, which should not be taken personally.
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amother
Babypink
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:10 pm
I don't.
children have so little power in their world, this is one area where they can have their privacy. So I allow it. It's worked out well for us so far. If anyone thinks they can control their children past a certain age (at some point most of them move out), think again. As long as they're living with me this is a great opportunity for cultivating trust, which strengthens our bond, and is truly a great investment into our adult relationship.
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amother
Babypink
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:12 pm
amother [ Navy ] wrote: | Unfortunately I speak from experience. I’m very respectful of my kids’ privacy, but there are extreme times when it’s absolutely necessary to cross that line. It can contribute to saving a life. Do it wisely and only if you really believe something serious is going on. If you discover something, that doesn’t mean you’re the one to handle it. Many teens/young adults don’t want to confide in their parents, which should not be taken personally. |
I have done that on rare occasion, and I did not reveal that I had done so. I used the info to inform me, but never to use it against my child.
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amother
Mustard
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:20 pm
I voted only when im concerned about something. Cuz I checked once the diary of a girl that was under my care. She was hospitalized after an attempt of suicide and I was hoping to find some information to make sense of the situation.
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:24 pm
Any responsible parent checks their child's phone. A child has no privacy until they are married. Of course body privacy is completely different.
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