Toilet Training | Imamother

Sara Esther Crispe

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 3:38 pm

Hi, I'm new to the site and this is my first time posting, so not exactly sure how this works. I am the mother of 4 kids, KA"H, 3 of whom are girls. My son is turning 3 in Cheshvan but is allowed to start cheder with the 3 year old class. The problem is that he needs to be toilet trained and I don't have the first clue what to do with a boy. My girls simply trained themselves when they were ready, and I never had this type of time constraint.

He knows when he is wet and dirty as he tells me, and is embarrassed when dirty and hides. However, he won't use the toilet. Twice I've tried putting him in underwear and nothing else, and asking every 10 minutes if he needs the bathroom. He always says no, goes in his underwear, is traumatized, and we are back to square one.

Any suggestions for quick training success would be appreciated! Thanks!

Sara Esther Crispe

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 4:56 pm

I read through the answers but the problem is that the common solution seems to be to wait until the child is ready. I have no option. I work full time and he must start when school starts. Keeping him home is simply not a possibility nor is a day care or play group. He will be in school until 3:00 pm. He is almost 3 so I am not exactly rushing this. I just need any tips for helping him do what I think he should already be doing. If anyone has any...thanks!!!

chavamom

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 5:18 pm

I think the problem is that you can do everything to provide opportunity, but you CANNOT insist your child learn to toilet train. It is one area where they have ultimate control and making it a power struggle if you insist when they are resistant has a high chance of doing just that. My 3 year-old son just learned to use the toilet a week or so after his 3rd birthday. He was showing the same signs as your son and we made a big deal out of buying underwear (he liked fitted boxers more than reg. underwear) and gave him treats both for using the potty and staying dry for a few days. Also, giving him choices helped - we have a potty ring, a potty seat and of course the option of the regular toilet. We had introduced all of these things at the beginning of the summer and when he started with underwear, we would say 'would you like to try to make on your potty or on the potty ring?' That worked much better than 'do you want to try and make?' Also being very matter of fact about accidents helped too. He thought they were traumatic and we just said 'oh, you're wet? Come, we'll clean up. I'm sure next time you'll make it to the potty.' Different things work with different kids - you'll have to find what works for you and your son. Have you looked at some of the books out there?

Mommy912

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 5:27 pm

You may not be happy to hear this, but not all boys are ready to be trained when they are your sons age. I speak from experience! I can give you some encouragement and advise you to speak to your sons teacher. I have done this in the past and have found the nursery teachers to be very loving and accommodating in changing young children who are not trained. They would rather change a diaper then clean up a mess from the floor. Be very appreciative and thankful and there is hope that the teacher will agree to accept your untrained son into the class. It is very likely that when he is in a classroom situation where everyone else goes to the bathroom all day (and that is what a three-year-old class is like, bathroom time is all the time) he will join along and train himself.
Hatzlocha!

chochma73

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 7:59 pm

I am training my son now and it is not easy but chavamom has the right idea. I also have a potty ring, potty and of course the toilet. In the beg. he only wanted to use the potty now 2 weeks later he uses the potty ring all the time.
Also I found that with my son when he was wearing underwear he would have an accident, so I let him run around with out underwear, diaper or pants basically just a shirt and that really helped. Then when we went out (only for small trip to the store no longer than 10 min) would put him on pants without underwear or if you feel can not do that then put a pull up on him just for going out.

Anyway now 2 weeks later my son wears underwear and pants and goes to toilet and is doing very well (except for using half a toilet roll every time he has to "make") Wink

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 2:25 am

I toilet train my kids by letting them run around without underwear and giving them candy if they even approximate it initially. And then later they only get treats if they make it really in the potty/toilet. A lot of candy. Too much, probably. But it works well for us.

The hard part is getting them to initially pee in the toilet. I find it helps if you have a bunch of books or new little toys that are just, exclusively, for playing on when the child sits on the potty/toilet. So that way it is fun. You put him on the toilet with special toys and books every so often (when you know he usually goes in the diaper, like after breakfast or whatever) and try to distract him with the toys as he sits there. Eventually he will pee in the potty/toilet by accident and then you make a big deal and give him something nice. Then he will get the idea that it is a good thing. Also, just b/c he's a boy, don't make him pee standing up, that comes later.