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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
amother
OP
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:22 pm
We bh had the zchus to be mekarev a couple. We are very close to them. I’m almost always very happy to have them. DH invited them for YK without asking me and absolutely don’t want to have them. I told DH that even thou it’s super hard for me to have them, if he asks the shul rabbi and he says we should them I will. The shul rabbi said to tell them it’s not going to work.
They were very excited to come. How can I let them down without it being hurtful. They obviously have no religious family and don’t live in a religious area and they have small children. So fasting and getting thru the day is super tough ..
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oneofakind
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:29 pm
It's tough on you too. If your Rabbi said you can decline, then do and DH will be more considerate next time.
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amother
SandyBrown
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:30 pm
Say you’re so sorry, (you are sorry. Even if it’s too much for you you wish you can make their life easier…)Something came up and it won’t work this time. If you can offer another time they can come instead.
Sometimes we complicate our own lives. No need for excuses, just clarity and compassion if they complain…
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amother
OP
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:33 pm
oneofakind wrote: | It's tough on you too. If your Rabbi said you can decline, then do and DH will be more considerate next time. |
Thanks. It was a mistake. The question was what to say
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ra_mom
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:36 pm
Have him tell them that he is so sorry he extended the invite. He had forgotten how hard the fast is for his wife, and needs to regretfully back out.
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amother
Teal
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:38 pm
Say that your husband forgot that you don’t fast well. You will beh invite them for shabbos or yom tov when you can function as hostess
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amother
Opal
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | We bh had the zchus to be mekarev a couple. We are very close to them. I’m almost always very happy to have them. DH invited them for YK without asking me and absolutely don’t want to have them. I told DH that even thou it’s super hard for me to have them, if he asks the shul rabbi and he says we should them I will. The shul rabbi said to tell them it’s not going to work.
They were very excited to come. How can I let them down without it being hurtful. They obviously have no religious family and don’t live in a religious area and they have small children. So fasting and getting thru the day is super tough .. |
Can you find somewhere nearby to put them up?
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amother
OP
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ Teal ] wrote: | Say that your husband forgot that you don’t fast well. You will beh invite them for shabbos or yom tov when you can function as hostess |
Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do
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amother
Lily
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:43 pm
Is it a thing to go somewhere for yk?
Im a bt too. I always stayed home.
How old is this couple?
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ra_mom
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do |
Then text her back and tell her you're really sorry but the more you think about Y"K the more nervous you're getting about fasting and getting through the day and you regretfully have to back out of hosting for Y"K and that you hope she understands.
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amother
Teal
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do |
OK- so say exactly that. Your dh invited them and forgot you don’t fast well. You really wanted to make it work but realized that it won’t.
If they are bt- mentioning that you asked a rav for guidance could be an important piece of info.
Again you wanted to but will not be able to be the best hostess and guide for YK.
You will invite them for other days.
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ddmom
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:50 pm
I wouldn't write anything about why.
"I'm so sorry something came up(you got a rav psak that you're allowed to cancel!)and Unfortunately we will be unable to host you for y"k but it's definitely a rain check.
I was looking so much forward, please join us for shabbos (or succos?) Instead!"
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kineret
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:54 pm
Seconding not giving an explanation. When I’ve had to back out or say no, giving an explanation only led to them saying why it’s okay (like here, they could say, “it’s really no problem, we’ll stay out of your way, etc”). If you just say that you’re sorry it won’t work out, that’s the end of the conversation.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:54 pm
Wow! Hashem is so good to us! Dh just got a text from him that he’s been in touch with the shul he wants to go to (davens a diff nusech) and they can’t arrange a seat. Dh called him and we both spoke and said maybe it just makes sense to have them another time, I was very nervous about the fast and having extra people around .. they totally understood. The wife texted me right away “don’t worry about it, don’t be apologetic..”
TYH!!!
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naomi2
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Sat, Sep 11 2021, 10:01 pm
Lucky you, there really wasn't any nice way out of it imo. Have a wonderful yom tov and an easy fast!
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amother
Bisque
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Sun, Sep 12 2021, 1:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do |
I don’t know why on this site people feel a need to ask a Rav if they’re allowed to cancel a guest but no way regarding birth control. Never ever.
To each their own🤷♀️
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do |
"I'm really sorry, I was looking forward to having you but I'm starting to feel under the weather and I don't think I'll be able to manage hosting plus fasting. We would love to see you sometime during Sukkos and if you need any help before the fast or you want to pop in after it's over we'd love to see you."
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Wow! Hashem is so good to us! Dh just got a text from him that he’s been in touch with the shul he wants to go to (davens a diff nusech) and they can’t arrange a seat. Dh called him and we both spoke and said maybe it just makes sense to have them another time, I was very nervous about the fast and having extra people around .. they totally understood. The wife texted me right away “don’t worry about it, don’t be apologetic..”
TYH!!! |
I love it when it works out that way!!
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