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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:45 pm
Do regular frum boys who go to these colleges stay frum? Not super religious kids who you wouldn’t worry about…
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amother
Khaki
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:49 pm
Dont know statistics but depends how you define frum. I wouldnt send my teenager to those schools. I know a bunch of who did not. Some get very involved in hillel/chabad so they have something to hold onto...
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amother
Glitter
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:52 pm
Look, the way antisemitism happens on campus nowadays I would feel safer sending my kids to Touro or YU, or college in Israel if that's an option.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:53 pm
Not where I want to send my son either but he is asking. Trying to see if there is any semblance of a chance it generally works. I can’t believe how many kids from his MO school are going.
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amother
Begonia
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:58 pm
Speak to Chabad there.
I imagine that a kid who is reasonably committed will do fine. There's a very strong infrastructure. But a kid who doesn't really care has plenty of space to drop out of organized religion.
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amother
Milk
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:59 pm
What do you mean by super religious that you don’t worry about?
My DC is there. They have a active involved community. There is plenty of space and a wonderful commu for anyone who prioritizes being frum. BUT, one who is not interested has plenty of leeway not to be. They are no longer under your roof and are free to conduct themselves in any mannor they choose.
How “frum” was your son in HS? Is he easier influenced? What are his priorities? What speaks to him and whom does he associate with?
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amother
Lightcyan
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 8:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Not where I want to send my son either but he is asking. Trying to see if there is any semblance of a chance it generally works. I can’t believe how many kids from his MO school are going. |
Most MO kids at those schools do stay frum.
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amother
Milk
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 9:05 pm
amother [ Lightcyan ] wrote: | Most MO kids at those schools do stay frum. |
I would agree. Does he have OTD leanings? If so, I would be concerned. Sometimes being is a “less religious “ place encourages you to take more initiative and define yourself as such.
If your child was on their phone behind your back on Shabbos, that might not bode well, but if they were frum in HS, and took Judaism relatively seriously, you can expect the same. Chabad at Binghamton is amazing if you want to be involved, as is OU-JLIC. They have a new couple, and I am hearing great things about them.
Is your child going to Israel for the year or straight to college? Going with 1/2 his grade or alone. These things all potentially make a difference.
Definitely reach out to parents and the rabbis/rebbitzins on campus.
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amother
Acacia
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 10:48 pm
I have some experience and I think it’s awful, I don’t know how parents send their kids to these schools, there is so much partying and the atmosphere is not at all conducive for spiritual growth. You have to be very very strong and honestly most teens are not. I’m not saying they go OTD, but they are definitely negatively impacted spiritually.
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amother
Molasses
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Thu, Sep 30 2021, 11:46 pm
The JLIC couple at Binghamton are wonderful. But it's a small religious community.
The religious crowd at Maryland is much bigger, but it's definitely a party school. Lots of heavy duty drinking.
In my experience, kids who go frum, stay frum, but they do a lot of things during their college years that don't necessarily make them proud.
Neither experience is conducive to religious growth. A kid who has had a gap year in Israel will do better than one who goes straight to college.
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icedcoffee
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Fri, Oct 01 2021, 8:36 am
I went to Binghamton and have a lot of MO friends I've kept in touch with. Everyone I can think of is still as frum as they were, and many have become even more since then. Many people meet their spouses there and BH have beautiful families now. It's such an easy place to be observant - no issue getting kosher food, plenty of accommodations for shabbat/chagim, robust davening and learning programs, etc. The Chabad at Binghamton is wonderful.
I genuinely can't think of a single person who came in frum and left OTD. Probably yes at some point they will try going to a party, but it's really not the case that everyone in college is living it up with s.ex / drugs / rock'n'rolling every night. It's extremely possible to focus on your work and stick to your path.
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Fri, Oct 01 2021, 8:51 am
amother [ Molasses ] wrote: | The JLIC couple at Binghamton are wonderful. But it's a small religious community. |
ROFLMTO
A "small" religious community at Binghamton?
Bing has one of the largest, if not the largest, college Chabad presence in the US. They attract hundreds to Shabbat meals, to learning, and to other events. And they know how to bring in the wavering.
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amother
Coffee
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Fri, Oct 01 2021, 8:58 am
Binghamton has hundreds of students who come to Shabbos meals. Two or three Shabbos minyanim and a weekday minyan for shachris mincha maariv. But later in the semester it's harder to get a daily minyan, it's hard for college kids to get up on time. there are dozens of opportunities for shiurim and there's kosher food available. But yes many of the frum kids go to the parties and the clubs. And the choice to stay frum is theirs. Some don't get around to putting on their Tefillin every day. If they want to chill in their Yiddishkeit it's all too easy. Binghamton is a secular college, not yeshiva. I wouldn't say many kids go OTD but there's a range, some students grow and some regress sadly.
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