Naughty novels and how to quit them

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Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Reading Room

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amother

Yolk

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 10:57 pm

I've been in your shoes, totally understand the feeling.
I started by quitting these books on Shabbos and Y"T, no exceptions. It was difficult but I stuck with it.
Then I found other secular books to read that had 'exciting' scenes but it wasn't the focus of the story.
After a while, I found the romance books to be so ridiculously unrealistic and they started sounding all the same. That made it much easier to quit.

amother

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 7:46 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Whatever you end up doing OP, good for you for trying to change something that bothers you. Acknowledging is step one.

Thank you! That feels good to hear
I stopped cold turkey, but I’m very tempted now but your words are encouraging

amother

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 10:29 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

You don't. You continue reading and don't feel guilty. (At least that's what I do. - it's my escape and I'm not ashamed. There are worse ways to escape)

I want to read so bad! But I don’t want Hashem to be upset at me

amother

Leaf

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 11:56 am

I was in your shoes many years ago. It was a hard battle with ups and downs. You need to find some other outlets that provide he relaxation and good feeling. Maybe writing, painting.... Anyways, if you really try and find the right way to trick your yetzer hora, you will succeed. And btw, now I have zero interest in those books, they totally lost their appeal after a while.

amother

Oak

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 11:59 am

They all sound plastic after a while OP. Real life is so much better.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 12:48 pm

I think what you're doing is amazing op! One day at a time! Keep it up! The more difficult it is for you the more schar you'll get. Bhatzlocha!

gefilte

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:17 pm

Please...you are a good person, that likes to read 'CERTAIN' kinds of books.

(does that mean "Song of Songs" is off limits....)

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:18 pm

I really struggled with the same. What worked for me was to replace it with some really good JEWISH books. Yes its not the same but if u search- u will find. There is a select few incredibly written jewish books. Its too hard for me to give up a hobby completely- I try to replace it with a kosher option

BrisketBoss

Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:19 pm

gefilte wrote:

Please...you are a good person, that likes to read 'CERTAIN' kinds of books.

(does that mean "Song of Songs" is off limits....)

You can only read the Artscroll translation ;- )

amother

Lime

Tue, Nov 16 2021, 10:10 am

Maybe this will help you OP
I also read such books for a long time. I rationalized it that it would make me think of me and dh so that's good. I dont think my dh knew about them and I would have been so embarrassed if he saw or said something. Also my kids were getting older and I was scared they may find them although I hid them. But I couldnt stop.
Then I had an appendix attack and I was in hospital for 2 days. While on the phone explaining to my dh where things were that I needed him to bring, I suddenly had a thought - what if c"vs something bad would happen to me suddenly, putting me out of commission in the hospital for a long time (or worse). And then my dh or mother or sister or friend would need to go through my stuff and find them - !!!!!!!
I couldnt get that image out of my head.
So as soon as I felt better, I returned them all to the library, wiped my borrowing history, and from then on only brought home books I was ok with other adults seeing. It was so hard at first but then got easier.
From time to time I pick one up in the library and it now seems so silly, really it's all the same thing over and over, so exaggerated. Real life is better Smile

amother

Jasmine

Tue, Nov 16 2021, 10:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I want to read so bad! But I don’t want Hashem to be upset at me

Why do you think hashem will be upset at you?

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Nov 16 2021, 10:43 am

The guilty feeling is good for you, it's the only way you'll eventually becomefree of this need to read romance. I was able to quit after many years of ups and downs, mostly because I felt like it was effecting my relationship with Hashem. I would be so engrossed in my book, then finish and feel empty. But when I got another book, I'd push the guilt away and just enjoy. I believe that Hashem has bought me to this world to achieve good things and spending my free time reading romance novels and worse was definitely not doing mitzvos. It's been a slow climb upwards from reading jewish novels to trying to read books on Jewish thought, but I'm determined to eventually spend my free time reading books that will immerse me in yiddishkeit. Hashem gave me this love of reading and I feel that learning sifei kodesh is the best use of that in this world

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