Immature child... | Imamother

lamplighter

Sun, Dec 26 2021, 10:40 am

This can be ADD, ASD, or anxiety. Does your child exhibit any other concerning behaviors?
Most important is to track their triggers, try and minimize those as much as possible. Use physical touch and empathetic words to help the child calm down. If you think this is a larger problem than this, there are excellent therapists out there.

dancingqueen

Sun, Dec 26 2021, 10:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So my kid is super immature. Almost 6 and cries about everything. Whines. Wont listen. Has meltdowns and temper tantrums...

Like we promised a reward for each kid who did X by a specific time. 1 kid did, got the reward. This kid clearly did not, by no stretch of the imagination. They could have, it was within their skill set and they usually can do it. Had a major meltdown that they wanted it, "but Kid 1 got it!". I calmly spoke to the crying kid, explained what happened. DC6 said they understood that their sibling did what was agreed upon and DC6 didnt. "But I want it!".
I empathized, labeled the feeling etc and said that maybe next time they could get it too. Quieted down but then Meltdown continued 2 minutes later. We dont give in to the meltdown which would only encourage it.

I am at my wits end. This is just 1 example. I give a lot of 1 on 1 attentionto each kid, compliment on job well done, plus do family games/activities all together and am generally very on top of it with my kids and their needs (emotionally and physically).
But I am out of ideas! Besides being frustrating to the rest of the family (disrupts routine, is annoying etc.) I think its affecting this kid at school. Or will affect because teachers lose patience as time goes on for meltdowns etc.

Any ideas?

I like to do collaborative rewards where kids work together to win a joint prize instead of pitting them against each other which breeds resentment.

Rubies

Sun, Dec 26 2021, 11:06 am

Kid may simply be testing your boundaries and his role in the family unit. The example you gave clearly brings the other child into capable mode where that kid usually doesn't shine. Family system as this kid knows or is gone.
Combine this simple concept with a tinge of anxiety, a smidgen of jealousy, a dash of insecurity and you have a meltdown on any hard school day. Or if they're hungry.

amother

Sage

Sun, Dec 26 2021, 1:01 pm

amother [ Daylily ] wrote:

Ye, it’s a brain based thing for sure. Highly aroused nervous system, wired for danger/survival explains it better than an abcdefg diagnosis.

I was/am definitely wired this way.

but I only realized later in life that my childhood was awful so I thought thats probably where it came from?