Older woman picking on me for showing up at kiddush

amother

Amber

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:58 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Even if all the food is eaten or anything else my goodness fargin!!!

Of course
My point is I’ve never seen a communal kiddush run out of food.
More often then not the food is thrown out after.
As a PP said that a women was packing cake to take home - it might not be best manners or classy - but I highly doubt that leftover cake Was going anywhere better.

Persevere

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:01 am

CatLady wrote:

My response to this thread was that the appropriate thing to do would be to co-sponsor a kiddush. A regular one, not for a special occasion. Then, when Mrs. Gatekeeper asks why you're sponsoring, you get to tell her, "No specific reason. We're just grateful for the warmth of this community, and we wanted to express our gratitude."

No way should she feel obligated to do this. OP is a paying member and probably contributes in other ways!

I think shuls are happy to have people come for the kiddush. The more the merrier. Really adds to the energy of the shul and sense of community. Especially OOT!

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:10 am

I am a divorced woman with one small child (5 years old). I go to shul every week just for the kiddush for the following reasons:

1. It's a long day to spend stuck at home with a small child. Going out means we both get some fresh air and it breaks up the day so we don't feel like we're climbing the walls.

2. I am very lonely. My peers are all married and busy with their families. The kiddush is literally the only social event I partake in at this stage of my life.

3. Yes, I sometimes take my child because I cannot afford to buy food for shabbos at the end of the week. Single mom, no financial help from ex. No family help.

4. There is no way my child will allow me to sit in the shul for shacharis, so davening with a minyan is out of the question right now as much as I would enjoy it.

Now I'm worried that I'm being chutzpahdik and that my presence is unwanted.

watergirl

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:13 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

For any and all of the reasons above, and for reasons you did not list, and for no reason at all, please PLEASE continue to attend kiddush. You do not have to list reasons for anyone.

The women who wrote on this thread that one may not attend kiddush unless they are paying members or unless they davened there can now apologize for causing pain to you and to who knows how many others.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:37 am

watergirl wrote:

Thanks Watergirl. I appreciate

essie14

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:53 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

What watergirl said. You are very much welcomed and wanted !
As I said above, in every community I've lived in, EVERYONE is welcome at the shul kiddush.
Please continue to go.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:55 am

Uch to do otherwise is like giving in to abusers and abuse Chas v shalom
If the rov/rebbe tzom has an issue it’s on them to let someone know nicely and discreetly
So we don’t need to look for or borrow trouble

gamanit

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:59 am

The question is what the norms are in your new community. If it is not currently standard for mothers with little kids to come after davening you might get some strange looks from people who are unused to the idea. If this is something you want to continue, you just smile and say "Good Shabbos" and eventually they get used to it.

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:01 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

I'm not that lady, but I'll be the voice of dissent. Not that I think this woman is doing the right thing; she's not. But I'll admit to resenting people who show up JFK (just for kiddush.) If your shul doesn't accommodate babies, don't go. Unless there's a simcha and the baalei hasimcha have invited people, and the purpose is for people to wish them mazal tov, why are you coming to shul JFK? What are you accomplishing? I could understand if you came in at the tail end of mussaf because your young child can't sit quietly for much longer than Aleinu and Adon Olam, then you were in shul to daven briefly and stayed for kiddush. Fine. But shuls need worshippers to fill the seats, not people coming for kiddush. It really makes a poor impression if you never daven there and always show up for kiddush.

That’s ridiculous. Orthodox shuls don’t need women worshiping there. Bring there is how you grow the community.

amother

Geranium

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:05 pm

andrea levy wrote:

That’s ridiculous. Orthodox shuls don’t need women worshiping there. Bring there is how you grow the community.

Ostracizing the women in the community isn’t the way to grow it. If a woman doesn’t feel welcome in her Shul, the family may decide to pay membership elsewhere.