Excuse me if this is repetitive, but...

Choirmistress

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 6:57 pm

amother [ Catmint ] wrote:

Tamid itcha - it accompanies you all the time
L'orko shel yom - everlastingly
Kol kach shelcha - is a colloquial phrase roughly translated as "it's so you." (like when someone puts on a new outfit and someone says "that's so you")
T'shalev: Context??
(Last word of final verse:) Hishtaneh: isn't this a typo by the original lyric publishers, and meant to be "yishtaneh", in future tense?

Third line: Of which of the two is the listener/reader the only one to know the taste: "your thirst", or "the sun"?
Chorus: "hanicheihu bein einecha" means keep it in mind
"hu holeich el toch chayecha" context???

Please note: very rough translations bc it is all poetic

Thanks, Catmint.
Context of "t'shalev": "Hashtikah beineinu t'shalev bein shneinu". The English meaning is now clear; I just have to find a new English rhyme for what I was using in my preliminary draft: "The silence between us will unite us together."
Context of "hu holeich el toch chayecha" is a summing up of the chorus inviting the street poet to take her song: "Because it [her song] goes into your life."
And I still say that "hishtaneh" was supposed to be "yishtaneh".
Thanks again.

Choirmistress

Mon, Feb 07 2022, 12:48 pm

Good Monday afternoon, Obsidian.
Yes, I could translate without rhyming. So could anyone else with an idiomatic grasp of Hebrew.
The whole point of what I do is matching the rhyme scheme and rhythm of existing songs to make SINGABLE versions. It's what I have done with Yerushalayim Shel Zahav and over eighty other songs, to and/or from English, French, Hebrew and Yiddish.

Choirmistress

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 12:39 am

An impressive 42 responses to this thread asking for help with the translation. Interesting, though, that there have been no responses to my more recent thread thanking all the contributors for their help and posting my final versions of both translations.
It seems that the cat has your tongues.

amother

Molasses

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 1:57 am

42 responses over three days, a proportion of which were actually your own, and some of which were responding to earlier posts. A lot of people on this thread were Israelis, who wouldn't have been on line overnight.I haven't even seen the other thread yet.

This is your project, not ours. At your request we offered some help. If I was interested in Ofra Chaza I would be listening in Hebrew anyway. I don't find a translation as exciting as you do.

Elfrida

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 3:35 am

Excluding yourself there were 14 posters on this thread, some of whom posted more than once. About half the responses came from you.

It might have been more to the point to thank people on this thread and provide a link to the new one. I don't see another thread by you on the main board, and this hasn't really made me want to go and look for it.

amother

Catmint

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 4:50 am

You asked for help - happy to oblige, I actually spent quite a few minutes working it out for you. What is there to respond to a thank you for your help?

It's hard to put this writing without sounding critical but I think you need to soften your style a little. It comes over as quite harsh and aggressive? You likely don't mean it that way but demanding a response from people or criticizing them for not responding is not really the way to go about making people want to help you.

Edited to add: the final versions don't interest me a single iota. I helped you out for you because you asked for help not so that the world could have a translation of a song which quite frankly I've never seen before and will never see again.

Choirmistress

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 9:10 am

To all the kind respondents:
Thank you all again for all your help.
Message received loud and clear.
And sorry, but I don't know how to go about providing a link to the other thread.
You all have my solemn word, b'li neder, not to annoy any of you with any more such requests.
Have a lovely remainder of the week, of Adar I, of Rosh Chodesh, and of the approaching spring.