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-> Parenting our children
amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:03 pm
My 2 year old was a great eater until pesach. She was upset with all the unfamiliar food and hasn’t been eating normally since. She refuses most food. At this point she’s only eating snack bags. I try everything and only give in when she begs for them after hours of not eating. Any tricks to get her to eat normal food again?
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amother
DarkMagenta
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:10 pm
Same thing here! I wonder how common this is after pesach. My 19 month old used to eat everything and after pesach he just stopped. We’re working slowly, reintroducing foods a few at a time. We allow him to eat in new “silly” places that we never allowed before, like standing on a little chair next to the table, or on the floor, or on someone’s lap. It’s working for the most part. He’s still refusing some basics, but he’s eating more now than he did last week!
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BrisketBoss
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:14 pm
No 'trick.' Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility in feeding. Seriously, get one of her books.
Have regular meal times and snack times. Serve her what the family is eating. Include a 'safe' food with every meal but don't be a short order cook. Your daughter decides whether to eat and how much to eat. Afterward, no food is available until the next meal time or snack time. Give it time. This is a process.
But it's more than a process. It's also a mindset. You have to actually not be concerned about her eating. I know that's a tall order but it's important. Kids that age can sense if you're just faking unconcern and you actually have an agenda. They naturally resist that.
Hatzlacha!
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:17 pm
BrisketBoss wrote: | No 'trick.' Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility in feeding. Seriously, get one of her books.
Have regular meal times and snack times. Serve her what the family is eating. Include a 'safe' food with every meal but don't be a short order cook. Your daughter decides whether to eat and how much to eat. Afterward, no food is available until the next meal time or snack time. Give it time. This is a process.
But it's more than a process. It's also a mindset. You have to actually not be concerned about her eating. I know that's a tall order but it's important. Kids that age can sense if you're just faking unconcern and you actually have an agenda. They naturally resist that.
Hatzlacha! |
The issue is she’s very verbal. She will ask for a bag of potato chips and she will cry for it for an hour. Am I supposed to ignore the crying? I hardly have time to read, any shorter articles on the concept?
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BrisketBoss
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | The issue is she’s very verbal. She will ask for a bag of potato chips and she will cry for it for an hour. Am I supposed to ignore the crying? I hardly have time to read, any shorter articles on the concept? |
"It's not time to eat now. It will be time to eat in an hour. Maybe we can have chips then/tomorrow."
You can also validate: "It's hard to wait when you want something right now." You could even say "Mmm, I also wish I had some chips. That sounds so good."
Overall, yeah, there might still be crying, and that's ok. It's important to learn about delayed gratification and that the world doesn't always conform to our wishes. You as the parent are making decisions in her best interest. Parenting is hard. But we've got this!
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amother
Forsythia
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:30 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | The issue is she’s very verbal. She will ask for a bag of potato chips and she will cry for it for an hour. Am I supposed to ignore the crying? I hardly have time to read, any shorter articles on the concept? |
Search the concept, I especially recommend kids eat in color, but here it is in very brief: you as the parent decide when and what is served, and the child decides what and how much to eat. (You also can decide how much if there's a shortage of something or it's something expensive like berries for example but otherwise you would provide unlimited amounts of what you are serving and let the child decide how much they want).
You don't have to ignore the crying, but you also don't give in and give it to them (I know, easier said than done!) What you can say is along the lines of, you really want that, we're not having it now/it's not on the menu today/the next meal is in x minutes or after y activity and then we can have some (or have something else). I don't know your kid but I wouldn't expect the crying to stop right away, yeah...it should kick in soon, though.
Part of this is also providing food regularly (3 meals + 2 snacks) so if the kid refuses a meal it's not too long until the next one, and providing a food you know they'll eat at each meal, even if it is a snack bag right now, and not limiting that one or pressuring to try other foods besides for them being on the plate in small quantities. I do think you could say that the snack bag is finished, we'll have more another time but not beyond that.
Hope this helps!
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amother
Wallflower
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:43 pm
I’m a big fan of Ellyn Satter’s DOR model, but sometimes excessively restrictive eating can be a sign of something deeper, like brain inflammation.
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:46 pm
amother [ Wallflower ] wrote: | I’m a big fan of Ellyn Satter’s DOR model, but sometimes excessively restrictive eating can be a sign of something deeper, like brain inflammation. |
Yeah ok not the issue here. Wasn’t asking for other opinions please don’t derail my thread. Thanks.
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amother
Lilac
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Yeah ok not the issue here. Wasn’t asking for other opinions please don’t derail my thread. Thanks. |
By posting here, you kind of did ask for opinions....
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 8:01 pm
Oh gosh I asked for ways to get her to eat not armchair doctors pushing agendas on me.
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 8:02 pm
Thanks those of you who responded with helpful responses. I will look up that method and read the articles.
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tichellady
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Tue, May 10 2022, 8:24 pm
Is she a social eater? I would try having her eat at a friends house if possible. Hugs, this can be stressful
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amother
Beige
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Tue, May 10 2022, 8:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Yeah ok not the issue here. Wasn’t asking for other opinions please don’t derail my thread. Thanks. |
This is a public forum and it’s helpful to get many opinions even if it isn’t for you OP. Anyone reading this might be able to relate, and brain inflammation might be true for someone else. No need to be snarky when someone takes the time to reply and is only trying to be helpful.
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amother
Wallflower
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Tue, May 10 2022, 9:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Oh gosh I asked for ways to get her to eat not armchair doctors pushing agendas on me. | If this is the cause for you, then addressing this is the way to get her to eat. Not everything is behavioral, and brain inflammation and/or gut issues are more common than you think. I had one kid that was on a feeding tube for whom DOR worked beautifully to get them to be an independent eater, and another kid who lost weight on DOR because that wasn’t why they weren’t eating. They were actually having neurological issues messing with their hunger cues and no amount of DOR was going to fix that. DOR is a behavioral approach that works on behavioral eating patterns.
If this doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to move right along.
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 9:03 pm
tichellady wrote: | Is she a social eater? I would try having her eat at a friends house if possible. Hugs, this can be stressful |
No not really it hasn’t worked.
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naomi2
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Tue, May 10 2022, 9:36 pm
Did you try telling her she can have her snack (preferred food) after she has eaten a specified amount of non preferred but previously tolerated food?
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 10 2022, 9:38 pm
naomi2 wrote: | Did you try telling her she can have her snack (preferred food) after she has eaten a specified amount of non preferred but previously tolerated food? |
Yes she is very stubborn and won't negotiate.
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smartmom
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Tue, May 10 2022, 11:39 pm
I would maybe try a different form of potato chips. Like French fries. It might appeal better to her and then it's also a cooked or baked food served on a plate.
This will turn her attention to plated food at meal times vs. Chip and snack crinkly bags.
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amother
Opal
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Tue, May 10 2022, 11:42 pm
Can you serve the potato chips on a plate with the meal? (Not as dessert)
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