Struggling with DD5 - Parenting Advise

mha3484

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:25 pm

amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote:

I once hear about a parent who had a child with a very challenging personality—really needed attention.
For example: whenever they would get into the car she would start bothering the other siblings and war would break out.

What this mother did was she started complimenting her daughter when she showed good behaviour or just about something she was good at and the child slowly started acting better.
For example: when they would get into the car the mother would say “Yael your teacher was telling me what a great job you did on your kriah project…”

Doing so directed positive attention to the child which changed the way the child behaved.

Perhaps this would work for your daughter as well.

This is the nurtured heart approach. OP should look into it its another really good option for challenging kids.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes I do all the choice stuff. My kids are never matching because of her.

I need her to learn how to be flexible sometimes also. I am always showing her sharing and caring and flexibility .

The bolded is by the hardest honestly. They are both stubborn .

I know the more calm I am the better she is. but like I said above, sometimes she tantrums over so much "stupidy" and its non ending and I just loose it because I need to move on in my life/day.

The thing is some kids take a loooong time to learn that flexibility. It does come, but at five...she's not there yet. So it takes alot of flexibility from you.

I think with my child, 4-5 was the peek tantrum years. I remember them.

I used to model and role play staying calm with DD. We had two "mentchies" we kept around, we named them Perry and Raizy. Perry was always good and stayed calm, Raizy flew off the handle. Whenever I'd catch my DD heading toward tantrum mode, I would quickly tell her a similar story about Perry and Raizy, and how Perry stayed calm and Raizy didn't. Then I'd tell her that Raizy needed a timeout due to her poor choices, and she used to take the Raizy mentchie and put it in time-out. She would choose a time-out spot (like under the table) and physically put the mentchie there. It's funny but after a while she started regulating herself better. This role playing worked for her (her amazing kingergarten Morah, Morah Hadassah Pinter, is the one who suggested this to me, and amazingly it worked.)

You need strategies for teaching her emotional regulation.

And hard as it is, it would be good for you and your DH to discuss handling this together.....

Zehava

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No she is not ADHD.
Do you know how hard it is to deal with a kid that everything you do is not good enough?

I make her happy about one thing I did something the way she likes it and then she kvetches about the next thing...this goes on and on..

There is only so long I can remain calm with her.

Stop taking it personally. It’s not your job as a mother to make sure she’s always happy.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:34 pm

mha3484 wrote:

This is the nurtured heart approach. OP should look into it its another really good option for challenging kids.

Can you expand on this? DC is 3 and is not like OPs but some things are similar. Any specific book to read? Or just buy off Amazon?
We are also dealing with a new sibling BH, so I know to expect crazier behavior but I can use tips.