Give up master bedroom to in-laws?

Ema of 5

Fri, Jul 22 2022, 1:31 pm

amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote:

They certainly should feel comfortable. This is how she chooses to honor her aging parents and it works for her and her family. Why on Earth would you want her elderly parents to feel uncomfortable?

As for me I have a high riser that I use only for guests and have been told it’s quite comfortable. There is no bathroom within the room but there is one right nearby. For now it suits my parents needs quite well.

I don’t think mother blueberry was talking about physical comfort. Of course they should be comfortable wherever they sleep. I think she mean they shouldn’t be ok with it. Your bedroom is a private space, where you say and do private things. Not that being in your bedroom makes those privy to those conversations and acts, but they should not be emotionally comfortable being in such a space.
Even on the rare occasions when we DO have people sleep here when we are away, we don’t give them our bedroom.

ra_mom

Fri, Jul 22 2022, 1:37 pm

Make the kids bedroom comfortable. I'm sure they'll just enjoy being with the family.

If the mattresses aren't that comfortable and you were looking to upgrade them anyway, then now is a good time. Otherwise, whatever is good enough for the kids is good enough for them.

internationalma

Sat, Dec 17 2022, 11:51 pm

So funny how so many are protective over their beds , private place ect… I mean it’s a bedroom. Like any other ! When you go to a hotel your-using a bed / bedroom many others ha e used before you.
Definitely when away , I’ll just take away a few of my private stuff of lock cupboards.
Maybe I’m just super chilled 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

Tan

Sat, Dec 17 2022, 11:52 pm

internationalma wrote:

Yes you are.
Also this is an old thread...

Ema of 5

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 8:37 am

internationalma wrote:

A hotel room is t anyone’s personal room, and doesn’t contain anything private.

amother

Apple

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 8:52 am

I know this is an old thread… would it make a difference if it was parents vs in laws? My parents recently used our bedroom when one parent was just out of the hospital for a medical crisis. It was hard for them to walk and we have a ranch so this was the easiest and most comfortable for them. We slept downstairs and were totally fine with it. Honestly, neither dh or I thought twice about it. My parents were very grateful for it and interesting to note is that something we had davened hard for came to be a short while later. Maybe it is connected and maybe it is not. Just a thought.

amother

Yolk

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 8:59 am

My FIL was sick with cancer last year and we lived closer to the hospital and doctors . I offered my room for them to move in for six months or whatever they would need during treatment. I wanted them to be able to have the most comfortable beds and easiest and quickest access to the bathroom.
In the end they declined and he only slept in our guest room where we added a mattress topper to the bed. I really wanted my in-laws to feel the most comfortable physically since they were going through such a rough period. But they declined the offer.
Under normal circumstances, such as a regular visit I would not give up my room.

amother

Winterberry

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 9:19 am

If you can afford it I would but new good beds for your kids room.
See it as an investment for your own children and for future guests who you’d now be more comfortable putting in your kids room.

Notsobusy

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 9:40 am

amother Apple wrote:

I never understand when people use this argument, there's no such thing as parents vs inlaws. They're either your parents or your husband's parents so they should have equal importance and deserve equal kavod.

Under normal circumstances I don't think parents should be given the master bedroom when they come visit. If someone has a health issue that can change things.

amother

Apple

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 10:04 am

Notsobusy wrote:

I agree with you. However in terms of giving up the master bedroom, I think a woman would be more uncomfortable.
I normally do not differentiate between my parents and in laws and I aim to treat both with the utmost Derech Eretz. I was responding to the OP. And now that I think of it, if my in laws were in the situation I wrote about above, I would give them my bedroom as well.
Thank you for your response which allowed me to clarify this.

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 11:08 am

I know it was suggested already but I would use this opportunity to upgrade the beds or mattresses in the other room. They know you moved and accommodations are different. They still choose to come.

Notsobusy

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 11:23 am

amother Apple wrote:

Got it. I agree that it would probably bother more women than men.

amother

Antiquewhite

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 11:30 am

amother OP wrote:

We recently downsized our home. My in-laws used to stay in a nice en suite guest bedroom in our old house when they came to visit us (from another country). Now we don't really have a guest bedroom anymore. One of my kids will have to give up his room. It's a small room and the beds aren't so comfortable.

It is hard for me to think about letting them use my and DH's room, which has good beds and an en suite bathroom and the privacy they are used to. I even feel icky about the thought of them sleeping in our beds. Am I a terrible person? Is it the right thing to do to give them our room?

DH I'm sure would not want them to stay in our room, but I just feel bad that I'm not offering them out most comfortable accommodations when they came so far to see us.

Please advise!

No, I wouldn’t give them the master bedroom
If it’s too uncomfortable in another bedroom, I’d ask a neighbor to put them up for sleeping, give the in laws the choice

amother

Thistle

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 1:28 pm

I'm shocked. This must be a generational thing, because where I come from, guests get the best and parents who are guests get the best of the best. Meaning, if you have a guest room, great, but if not, you give up your room for your parents or inlaws. Our bedroom is not kodesh hakodoshim, nor, lehavdil, is it done up bordello-style with a mirror on the ceiling and suggestive lithographs on the walls. If it did, I could see not putting our parents in there. When our parents visit, we remove anything potentially embarrassing or stash it in an inaccessible place, that's all. We can survive a few days bunking out in the kids' room and the kids can survive a few days doubling up or sleeping in the living room.

Why can't our parents see our bedroom? Because they might G-d forbid conclude that their grandchildren came about the traditional way rather than through IVF or immaculate conception? I've heard many excuses for selfishness but prudishness as an excuse raises the concept of selfishness to new heights.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Dec 18 2022, 1:54 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

I'm curious what generation you're from, because my parents who are in their mid 70s didn't do this for their parents either.