Regretting giving things away

mizle10

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 8:25 am

If it helps you op, so many of the stuff you think you would use you probably would not. That gap hoodie? The cut changed over the years and the sleeves are now a lot narrower than the last time you used it. I realized this when I had expensive strechies I saved and pulled out 3 years later... I put it on my baby and just started laughing. She looked like a marshmallow. Everything fits so snug now days that anything else looks ridiculous.

amother

Leaf

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:02 am

Is it not a thing to lend your baby clothes out and then get them back afterwards so you can use them for your next kid?

Asking because someone just gave me a big box of baby clothes for my newborn but is expecting it back from me so she can use the clothes for her next kid. Is it not possible that most of the clothes will be good quality still once I’m done with them? They’re from Jewish brands so higher quality. If I’ll end up ruining them, maybe I should just give the box back without using the clothes…

amother

Diamond

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:43 am

amother Leaf wrote:

I wouldn’t use them, washing them fades and pills them more…..I’d be too nervous and would rather buy cheap Carter’s and target

tichellady

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:45 am

amother Leaf wrote:

just ask her. I borrow stuff and it’s understood that I return whatever is still in good shape and some stuff may get ruined. after all it’s baby clothes. but I would just discuss

zaq

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:00 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Our kids are still at least 10 years away from shidduch age. Those baby clothes are useless.

Not only that, but don't you think your dc will want new clothes for their first babies, not stuff that's 20 years old and out of style? Hand-me-downs from a few years ago is one thing; from their own infancy is quite another.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:07 am

When I gave away my kids baby clothes way way past the time I should have, I cried and cried. But I consoled myself by realizing that I was doing a mitzvah and helping someone else. Thing of it less of a loss and more of someone’s gain.

zaq

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:12 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Taking pictures of them is not a substitute. Our house is a cluttered mess. Crying

It's all a matter of priorities. If you assign to your sentimental attachment to material things a higher priority than a tidy, livable home,so be it---but you don't live in a vacuum. You also have a spouse and children,who share living space with you and whose needs and desires must also be taken into account and given a vote. You don't get to hang onto old stuff and then cry that your house is a cluttered mess. And growing up in a cluttered mess will do your children far more harm than disposing of old baby clothes will do to you. Sorry if this sound harsh but those are the facts.

zaq

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:16 am

BTW, Zaq's First Law of Physics states that the pain of disposing of an object is proportional to the square of the length of time that object has been in your possession. In plain English, that means that the longer you hang on to things, the harder it becomes for you to dispose of them. Keep them long enough and they become "sacred," and, like Shaimos lehavdil, can't ever be discarded but can only be buried with you after 120.

And who will have the burden of going through all the stuff you've so carefully hoarded and deciding what to do with it once you've departed this vale of tears? Your children, who will not be thinking of you fondly when they're faced with that thankless task.

SuperWify

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:40 am

zaq wrote:

This. When I had my first my dear MIL proudly handed me a pair of DH first baby socks. I smiled sweetly and disposed them when she turned away.

Kiwi13

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:53 am

In my case it's a little different because I didn't give away baby things until I was done having babies, but I totally hear you on how hard it is.

What helps me is knowing someone else is getting happiness from the items. It also makes me feel happier about my own home when it's not a museum to a bygone era, if you get what I mean. I need the space; I don't need the reminders.

Also, I do have a few bags of sentimental baby items I plan to just keep and keep. Maybe one day I'll turn the old baby blankets and onesies into a quilt (for myself, lol). I kept a bar from each of the cribs so I could make little cubes out of them in memory of the baby years. (I found it very difficult to give away cribs because of recalls and whatnot, so they were getting junked either way).

There's freedom in getting rid of clutter, in knowing you don't "have to" keep it because it once served a purpose it no longer does - even if it might again "one day." Same as the clothing I hope to fit into again one day. Maybe I'll keep a couple of items, but there's joy in buying new things for a new happy time.

Last edited by Kiwi13 on Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:55 am; edited 1 time in total

scruffy

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:54 am

SuperWify wrote:

This. When I had my first my dear MIL proudly handed me a pair of DH first baby socks. I smiled sweetly and disposed them when she turned away.

amother

Poppy

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:55 am

SuperWify wrote:

This. When I had my first my dear MIL proudly handed me a pair of DH first baby socks. I smiled sweetly and disposed them when she turned away.

I only have a married daughter not married sons. My daughter does take adorable clothes from the past generation-only classics which were well preserved. I have a very decluttered house but I have a storage room with some bins of clothes and some bins of toys. It doesn't take away from my quality of life at all (the rest of my house is fairly minimalist and without clutter).

I would be much less likely to offer clothes to a dil. If my daughter doesn't want something she just says so with no offense given or taken.

SuperWify

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:55 am

[quote="scruffy"]I got some of that type of stuff from my MIL. I thought it was cute! I like vintage stuff.

That said some things worked out better than others. The PJs were cut weird and the snaps were in odd places...[/quote
Cute to look at out for a few minutes but no first time mother is putting her newborn in 25 years old socks.

SuperWify

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:56 am

amother Poppy wrote:

And I honestly wouldn’t want to put my kid in any clothes I wore 30 years ago.

amother

Red

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 12:11 pm

SuperWify wrote:

And I honestly wouldn’t want to put my kid in any clothes I wore 30 years ago.

I always thought it was adorable when DD wore my old nightgown. I also have a camp T-shirt from 30+ years ago that makes me smile when I put it on DS.

But for the most part, it's true. One or two cute items (generally the kind you use as PJs, not meant for dressing in public) are good. I would be unhappy to have a full wardrobe of all of my old clothes for my kids.

gr82no

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 12:14 pm

[quote="SuperWify"]

scruffy wrote:

I got some of that type of stuff from my MIL. I thought it was cute! I like vintage stuff.

That said some things worked out better than others. The PJs were cut weird and the snaps were in odd places...[/quote
Cute to look at out for a few minutes but no first time mother is putting her newborn in 25 years old socks.

I wanted to put my baby in my baby clothes! I was upset most of it was thrown out. I would have loved if my mil would have some of my dh stuff unfortunately I don’t think she has any of it anymore.