Getting her to sleep not in my bed

amother

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 10:20 pm

Trying again tonight. Hopefully I will sleep through her knocking on the door, and she won’t have a full blown tantrum. I told my son that he can/should lock his door. She shouldn’t be going in there.

dena613

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 11:48 pm

I don't know. I think I would keep walking her back. I would take the mattress and sleep on the floor next to her bed when she wakes up.
I do not lock kids out of my room.
Why would she want to go downstairs and sleep on the couch? Even older, more secure kids wouldn't want to do that!
You want to make her feel safe and cared for... Not the opposite.

Hatzlacha

amother

Snowdrop

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 11:56 pm

Melatonin gives me nightmares, and it's not an uncommon side effect. I now take magnesium chelate which helps me sleep (some magnesium makes me more alert, so I only use a specific type.) It doesn't knock me out the way melatonin does but I became too terrified of nightmares to take melatonin anymore (and it was only 1mg).

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 11:58 pm

I would pursue integrative medicine. Her cortisol levels are probably off. My five year old was like this. hadn’t slept in her own crib or bed for an extended period of time until we started using an integrative doctor and she started on vitamins. You can use l theanine, magnesium. I’m sure people will chime in here. Good luck

amother

Steelblue

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 12:02 am

1. Stop with the melatonin
2. Put the mattress on your floor not your sons.
3. Don’t lock your door it’s not working

dena613

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 12:25 am

One more thing. Can we get her to sleep better?

My kids wake up in the middle of the night because, like adults, they need the bathroom.
I tell them nightmares help wake you up to go 🙁
Is she drinking too much before bed? That will make her wake up more.

Also, I see with my younger kids that if sometimes if they stay on a very good schedule and go to bed earlier, they sleep through the night better. When they go to bed consistently and around 7:30, they sleep through the night way better than when bedrooms is erratic, anywhere between 7 and 9. I don't know why that is, but that's what I've noticed.

amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 6:29 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

Do you have the name of a practitioner in the 5T? And can you give me more info.

amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 6:30 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

She doesn’t take melatonin. None of my kids do.

amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 6:41 am

dena613 wrote:

she goes to bed at 8:00. Practically, I can’t get her to sleep earlier. She doesn’t drink much before bed, and she doesn’t have a water bottle next to her, so I don’t think she’s drinking too much.

amother

Mint

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 5:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

She doesn’t take melatonin. None of my kids do.

You said in your OP she does 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother OP wrote:

My youngest (6) is not a good sleeper. She wakes up in the middle of the night (even if she takes melatonin before bedtime) and comes into my bed. It’s gotten to the point where I really need her out. I’ve tried multiple times over the years, but if never stuck. So we decided to try again this week. Monday night she ended up in my son’s bed. I didn’t know until the morning, but I told her that’s not ok. (He’s a teenager) We set up a mattress for her in his room, on the floor, but she can’t be in his bed. Tuesday night she went into his room and went on her mattress. Then came Wednesday night. She woke up a little before 2 and was crying outside my room. (Oh, I forgot to mention that my husband went out of town Tuesday, and won’t be back until next week. Monday night he dealt with her. She cried outside our room for about 15 minutes, and then went into teenager’s room.) I went to talk to her, then came back to my room to go to the bathroom. When I came out, teen daughter was in the hallway yelling about how it’s not fair, and she can’t sleep, and she has to stop right this minute. I told her it will be like this hopefully only for a few nights, and then little daughter will get used to it and it won’t be an issue anymore. I went back into my room, and I thought teen daughter did too. Next thing I know, I hear teen daughter telling little daughter that if she doesn’t stop, she’s going to put her outside!! Suffice it to say, that did not go over well, and only made little daughter scream louder. Little daughter is now sleeping soundly in my husband’s bed, and we are back to square one tomorrow night :-(
Does anyone have any suggestions? I can’t hav teen daughter undoing this again every time I try, but I do realize how hard it is for my other kids when little daughter is screaming in the middle of of the night. What am I supposed to do???

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:07 pm

amother Mint wrote:

I should have written even if she would take melatonin.
BH she slept in her bed (or at least not in my room or my son’s room!!) every night this week so far!! She also earned a slurpie last week for sleeping in her bed. Her sticker chart is filling up, and she’s almost up to her next prize- a medium slurpie!!
Oh, and I got her a foam mattress topper, just like I have on my bed.

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:35 pm

Very very similar situation here!
Youngest daughter is 6, teen sister not so keen on sharing a room…
Only I had my baby a few months ago already.

Don’t want to scare you, but post baby it got worse 🙈
She was no longer even starting in her own bed, but even going to sleep in our room.
She had a very hard time adjusting to the new baby and losing her baby status. (BH she was able to verbalise this, but it didn’t stop the behaviours..)
During pregnancy I didn’t have the koach to deal with it at all, but she did go to my husband instead of me.
Post baby she would mostly go to my husband -taking care of the baby all night, it was too much for me to have her needing to sleep next to me, touching me all night.

But! The good news!
She does get anxiety (one of the reasons she needs that comfort going to sleep and at night) and I do take her to a therapist when she needs.
Recently we discussed this with her therapist and for some reason it worked a lot better than when we tried to sit down with her and make a plan.

We set up a small mattress in our room, first working on getting her to fall asleep there. Then we started to encourage her to stay there all night - till it got light. When she got up, it was much easier to help her just lie down there than have to walk her down the hall. She was still half asleep.

She was so proud of herself when she realised she can do it!
I didn’t make it a reward chart thing, but after the first week of going to sleep there, without needing someone to be sitting right next to her, I got her a small gift.
Now she knows after a week of waking up in her own bed she’s getting something else (she saw the shopping 😆)

Yesterday I had to vacuum my room, so I moved her mattress - with the intention of putting it back. But lo and behold! She went to bed in her own room and stayed all night!!!
It can be done!

I know the journey isn’t over, she still needs someone in the room as she’s falling asleep, but this improvement is HUGE!

Going slowly and gently helped for our situation.
Also just accepting that this is what she needed at this time.

amother

Orange

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:43 pm

So, I had two children who liked to come to my bed at night.

One, if I let her once, it would become a thing EVERY night for the rest of the night, so it was hard, but I'd have to give her a hug and send her/bring her back to bed.

The younger one of these two is better with some boundaries, so I let her come in but only for a few minutes and we cuddle and then back to her room.

She's 7 now and she has no idea my schedule but I let her know some nights we can cuddle at night and other nights we won't cuddle at night (basically depending on whether I'm niddah or not). Also, I try to cuddle before bed more to give her that cuddle time when it works for me.

Also, during this transition, I got her a stuffed animal and told her I put lots of hugs inside so she can hug it when she wants to hug me, etc.

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:22 pm

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

Oy, I totally feel for you!!!
So for the longest time she was going to sleep in my bed, but over the past few months (as I’ve grown) that doesn’t really work for me anymore. Like you said, I need space, I can’t be touched. I don’t know about your daughter, but mine would be literally on top of me!! Like I would have to physically move her over, or off my head, or whatever. I know this isn’t really the best time to be working on this, but it really needed to happen. She never goes to my husband, he doesn’t let the kids sleep in his bed!!
The hardest part is that she is my most attached kid. Nursed the longest, stayed home with me the longest, etc. so this is super duper hard for her. BH we are beyond that stage. (I think it was really more just laziness on my part, not wanting to fight with her to get her into her bed, etc.)
My friend told her about the big girl’s club- you can only be a member if you sleep in your own bed :-) My friend worked out a whole system with her. After 3 night, she gets a small slurpie. After 4 nights, she gets a medium. After 5 nights, she gets a large!! After a week, she gets to go out for dinner with my friend. After that comes the induction ceremony into the big girl’s club :-)
Oh and she is so so so proud of herself!!