What are the benefits of an autistic mind

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

OP ↓

Thu, Oct 13 2022, 10:01 pm

I've seen so many youtube videos of autistic adults saying that autism is their strength. I'm in the thick of raising a high functioning autistic child and truly have a hard time relationship g to this idea so I ask, what are the benefits to me as a mother and to my son that he is autistic. What gifts does he bring to himself, the family, and the world.

Would live to hear from moms, family members and autistic people

imasinger ↓

Thu, Oct 13 2022, 11:14 pm

Some of these might be true, though each neurodiverse person is different.

- an eye, at an almost intuitive level, for patterns, especially in their area of interest

- ability to hyperfocus

- huge talents (many on the spectrum have perfect pitch, or ability to see color gradation more than most, etc)

- A kind heart

- strength of character that comes from years of struggle

- creativity

I'm sure there's more, but that's what comes up for me first.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Oct 13 2022, 11:24 pm

imasinger wrote:

These are amazing ty! Not sure why you got a hug.

cuties' mom

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 6:39 am

Benefits to me as the mom:
a child who can keep himself entertained with ordinary household objects (such as a package of plastic cups)
lots of hugs (obviously it depends on the child, but asd kid is very affectionate).
since ds is nonverbal, I could tell him anything, knowing he won't repeat it. There are people in my neighborhood who told him they were getting engaged before it was official, since they wanted to tell someone and knew ds could keep the secret.

Benefits for ds:
could function perfectly fine without sleep- no sign of being tired or running out of energy
always knowing what time it is without needing a clock
an incredible memory.

Obviously, everyone is different, but this is what I noticed with my autistic kid.

Chickensoupprof

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 7:23 am

Well

-A really good memory (I can tell u what my nursery looked like when I was 3, and this was 25 years ago)

- Eye for detail, I see when someone has something new or did something jolly with their hair/sheitl. Sometimes people think I'm overly watching them but it is just... I once asked someone in Antwerp if there is a new folding style in sphitzels because I saw young trendy women with shpitzelech in a different folding style... she didn't know what I was talking about. But I see these things as first, it's logical that if you see all these details you get overwhelmed and overstimulated.

- Honesty, but sometimes people interpreted this as rude... As in if someone asks me if a certain style is ok for them u get an honest answer and 'OMG NO!' can be one of them and especially the English find that rude.

- Creativity, basically creativity makes me less imbalanced in changes... For instance I needed to have a certain herb or spice in my recipe and I don't have it and the shops are closed I anticipate on that becasue I like cooking and suddenly have a great idea how to cook something else.

Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:21 am

Speaking as someone with autism, from my own experience only:

- The ability to hyper focus on learning a new subject or skill when motivated

- The ability to be REAL and skip the fluff (although I'll admit I had to learn how to do the fluff sufficiently enough to sustain small talk and conform enough to social norms, and it took until I was at least 20 or so to "mask" well enough. Granted, I didn't have any help learning it, so social skills groups could have helped when I was younger).

- Honesty, and an extreme distaste for dishonesty of any kind

- The patterns thing someone mentioned above, but I've had to learn to temper it so it doesn't get in my way. For example, as a writer, I make use of patterns frequently (either standard ones, or ones that I made up) - these are types of literary patterns that make written works stronger when used properly, but that detract from their quality when taken to an extreme.

- The friendships I have tend to be the lifelong kind. I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I have are SOLID. Some have been friends since childhood. Many turned out to be on the spectrum themselves.

- I see things in a different way than "the norm" sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. And if I'm in a group project, for example, I've found that I often have something to contribute that other people in the group didn't think of, and probably wouldn't have thought of.

- Random observations that I've learned to use in my small talk. A fellow author reached out to me on LinkedIn, for example, and his bio said he'd been a professional author, something else I can't remember, and donut eater for 42 years. I asked him why he only started eating donuts 42 years ago. He said nobody ever asked him that before, and it was a memorable moment that might lead to later on collaboration.

Listen, every person on the planet is their own unique individual. I personally like the analogy of "different operating systems." But just like not every Android or Apple product is the same, neither is every neurotypical or autistic person. There are some similarities, of course, and I tend to focus more on the beneficial parts. When I was officially diagnosed in adulthood (although I recently found out that this was pretty widely known when I was a kid, despite not having had the medical followups that would provide the actual diagnosis), I finally was able to see myself as much healthier than I previously had. I'm not sick, I'm just different. I'm able to own my quirks with more confidence. I'm able to look at it as another card in the hand Hashem dealt me, and play it the best I can. It's not a moral failing if I make mistakes sometimes that neurotypical people probably wouldn't make, and I'm better able to move forward after such mistakes nowadays. For me, a lot of that stems from still taking things in an overly literal way. Oh, the awkward stories... but at least I can laugh at them now. ;-)

amother

Topaz

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:27 am

The Israeli army specifically uses soldiers with autism to look at satellite photos. Where a neurotypical mind would fill in gaps, people with autism notice small changes that others miss. Their superpower is helpful in intelligence gathering.

https://www.theatlantic.com/he.....2850/

↑ Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:27 am

Chickensoupprof wrote:

Is memory really part of this??? Because ME TOO!!!!! I used to feel so lonely when I was the only one who remembered the details that I did. I figured it just wasn't important enough to them to remember, but it was important to me. And I felt like I had this whole past that only I was in, because my family/friends/whoever didn't remember it with me, or they only remembered it vaguely. It made them like zombies in my own memories of the events, I was alone. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean, but maybe you get it? And yes, I remember the layout of my preschool rooms, and all subsequent classrooms after that! I'm 35.

As for creativity and figuring stuff out, I always thought this was an anti-autistic thing, but it's interesting that you mentioned it. I once called my sister to ask how to make a certain quiche, and it turned out that I had barely any of the ingredients. So I put in the closest things that I could find in my apartment. The quiche was awful. But it went down in family history as "Based on a True Quiche." Good times! LOL

↑ Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:27 am

amother Topaz wrote:

WOW!!!

↑ Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:29 am

Oh, and when I was younger (and computer games were much simpler), I taught myself to hack the code for "The Sims" so I could use it verrrrry differently than intended. I found inconsistencies that couldn't be worked around, and then made up for them by making changes to other elements. Oh man, I missed my calling...

amother

Crocus

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:31 am

lol. My husband who is a computer programmer started by hacking a computer game back when they were simpler Smile

↑ Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:38 am

Also, and not to keep spamming this thread, but I want to add a note to the OP about parenting... I have 3 children, and 2 of them have autism. One is higher functioning, very similar to me. The other is lower functioning. I've been able to connect with them in ways my husband hasn't. For example, I GET IT when they look confused about something, because my first reaction was to interpret it the way they did, so I'll explain to them, "such and such is a turn of phrase, it means..." or "Hey, listen... if you say or do xyz thing, other kids are going to think..." I'm not always telling them NOT to do it, but I can help them understand how other people are going to take it, even if they don't mean it that way. Similar to white lies about appearance, and making an effort to go to parties you don't want to go to. Sometimes we all do things because we're prioritizing friendships over fill-in-the-blank interest, pattern, habit... and sometimes, as autistic people, we need that process explained to us, in excruciating detail, before we finally "get it."

(And then there's work culture, which I have decided is just a bunch of grownups playing an elaborate role-play game - and every company plays with different rules. At least, that's how I console myself about my struggles with the balance between "professional" and "personal" in a work setting. I can do both, but the BALANCE is hard for me. Or maybe I just haven't found the right place yet....?)

↑ Kiwi13 ↓

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:42 am

amother Crocus wrote:

lol. My husband who is a computer programmer started by hacking a computer game back when they were simpler Smile

I took a C++ programming class in high school, and I was the only girl and the only "non-genius who'd started hacking games as a toddler." It was discouraging, but also really cool. I almost want to try again now!

Side point, I started thinking of brachos over food in terms of coding brackets, and I would ask my shailos accordingly. Like, what if one Bracha set (Bracha on the food and Bracha acharona) overlaps another set? Is that okay? I can't think of specifics now, but in my mind this got probably overly complicated because of the brackets lol.

amother

Darkblue

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:50 am

My 11 year old is creative, notices what others miss and is very loving. She loves making others happy. Has since day 1. I am never lonely because she loves being physically close to others. She remembers names, birthdays, addresses, and phone numbers. Most kids in this generation don't. My 6 year old is very good at making connections and noticing when things are different. He asks great questions. He is young so I haven't seen other strengths but he is also a sweetheart and all of his therapists love working with him.

↑ imasinger

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 8:52 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

Is memory really part of this??? Because ME TOO!!!!!

Yes, 100%, it's a known part of the ASD brain. Check out Stephen Wiltshire making maps of entire cities based on an airplane flyover.

https://youtu.be/wdLlrtpoCwY

When DD did neuropsych testing, one of the things they asked her to do was remember a long list of numbers, and give it back after a little time had passed -- both forward and backward. DD got it all.

There was an intern with the psychologist, and the psychologist said in the report that she told the intern, "you might never again in your lifetime see anyone do what this 8 year old did."

Re coding brackets -- yes, rice is confusing.

I have some kids with ASD that are very into coding, and another that can't stand it. But he's really great at hearing and duplicating music patterns.

↑ Kiwi13

Fri, Oct 14 2022, 10:58 am

Yes to music, too! I taught myself piano from a computer program when I was 5 and started playing in recitals. My parents were constantly asked who my teacher was, and they were like... "Miracle Keyboard." I also taught myself to improvise and was very good with picking out chord sequences from a young age. Music theory was intuitive to me, and as an adult, when I see the way it's frequently taught, I get confused and feel stupid. They're not speaking my language in most of those classes...

My IQ is has a 30-point split between verbal and nonverbal, with nonverbal being dragged down primarily by processing speed and number-related stuff, ADHD patterns, etc... I was unmedicated both times during the testing. I did very poorly with digit spans, but if I was able to link numbers together, like for example 1987 is my birth year, then to me it's LIKE one digit (that's just how all/most people are), and that's the only way I can make number- strings make sense. I'm pretty good at it when I try. I also naturally link things up to remember them... it's even a trick I've heard taught as a memory aid, but it's something I've always kind of done.

Oh, and I didn't know this was a largely autistic thing (because I'm pretty sure it's not ONLY autistic people who have it), but... synesthesia! Smile

I will fight you if you tell me letters or numbers have a different colored essence than they actually do lol.

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