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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:25 pm
I stopped working a few weeks ago. When my kids are at school and my baby naps I have enough time to prepare supper and do housework. Usually by the time my kids come home my chores are done. I play and chat with my kids, but at some point they wander of to the playroom and occupy themselves.
I find myself playing with my phone when this happens, but I feel really guilty. I don’t want them to always see me on my phone. On the other hand, they really don’t need me to entertain them and when they talk to me or ask me to come to the playroom I’m totally with them.
Any ideas how to stop playing with my phone and alternative occupation for me?
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amother
Aconite
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:26 pm
What’s wrong with down time? If you don’t have chores and the kids are busy I don’t see the problem?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:28 pm
amother Aconite wrote: | What’s wrong with down time? If you don’t have chores and the kids are busy I don’t see the problem? |
I don’t know but I feel guilty. Like I should be in the playroom with them or something. And I shouldn’t be on my phone.
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BrisketBoss
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:29 pm
You could read, or knit, or something if it makes you feel better.
I'm on my laptop a lot.
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amother
Burntblack
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:34 pm
I needlepoint and crochet
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amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:36 pm
I don’t know how to do either of them
I just don’t want my kids to grow up and say their mother was always on her phone. And for the people who don’t like smartphones to bring me as an example.
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amother
Aconite
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:38 pm
Don't worry so much about what people think. If you aren't ignoring your kids they won't remember you as the mother who was always on her phone.
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amother
Tangerine
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:52 pm
I admire your drive to be the best mom for your kids.
It’s not easy or comfortable and you seem ready for it.
Having said that, it’s ok (even important) to take some time for yourself, and if that means being on your phone for several minutes, that’s ok. You can try to do it away from the kids if you don’t want them to see you.
Otoh, looks like you generally don’t want to spend much time on your phone. In that case you’ll have to work on developing other and better “air-outs” even when your kids aren’t around.
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tichellady
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:07 pm
I cannot relate at all. I never have enough time to do get all my things done and my kids always want my attention 100%. if I had extra time I would read, work on photo albums for my family, etc. where is your baby when your older kids get home?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:09 pm
amother Tangerine wrote: | I admire your drive to be the best mom for your kids.
It’s not easy or comfortable and you seem ready for it.
Having said that, it’s ok (even important) to take some time for yourself, and if that means being on your phone for several minutes, that’s ok. You can try to do it away from the kids if you don’t want them to see you.
Otoh, looks like you generally don’t want to spend much time on your phone. In that case you’ll have to work on developing other and better “air-outs” even when your kids aren’t around. |
Thank you. I just don’t like it that when I’m bored I automatically turn to my phone. I feel especially guilty when my kids are around:
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amother
Buttercup
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:10 pm
My kids ALWAYS need me! I can barely ever go to the bathroom uninterrupted!
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amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:14 pm
tichellady wrote: | I cannot relate at all. I never have enough time to do get all my things done and my kids always want my attention 100%. if I had extra time I would read, work on photo albums for my family, etc. where is your baby when your older kids get home? |
My kids get so involved in their playing they don’t need me. My baby is 3 months old and is bh a very calm child. She’s usually in the baby swing or stroller.
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GrowingUp
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:23 pm
I always have a stack of books handy. I read wherever they’re playing. So I’m nearby if they need me, but also enjoying my down time.
Tip: save the novels for when they’re sleeping
Tip: save the chocolate for when they’re sleeping as well
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amother
Ivory
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:29 pm
I happen to enjoy sitting with my kids and baby while they play.
Maybe use the time to give baby tummy time? It's better to limit swing/bouncer time.
Otherwise, just chill, talk to a sister or friend on the phone, read a book...
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Rutabaga
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:12 pm
Having kids who can play independently without constantly looking to you is a huge bracha and you should enjoy it! There is nothing wrong with a little quiet time for you to sit and take a break. If you don't want your kids to see you busy on your phone then read a book or a sefer or a newspaper or magazine or do sudoku or crossword puzzles.
That said, if you have the time and want to interact with your kids, then do so! Play a game together or sit down on the floor and build with them. You can involve them in cooking dinner or bake a dessert for Shabbos. Work on a craft that requires supervision or do a science experiment. If you really have a ton of spare time (how?!), then you can do a theme of the week with activities and decorations and foods and maybe a trip to the library to find books about whatever theme you choose. Save the free playtime for when you are busy with the baby or other tasks.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:27 pm
I got stuck where the OP says her chores are dONE. I always have things around the house waiting for me to get to them.
OP, Are you looking for us to suggest another hobby?
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Pooh
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:32 pm
Depends what you do on your phone. I erased all waste of time apps BH and now if I’m on it I’m reading an ebook, paying bills, sending important emails, preparing therapy books for my sn dc, research or getting support about said kid’s needs, shopping for the kids or house stuff, listening to a shiur/podcast/zoom or if none of those need my attention, then Imamother or between carpools or tasty
so I don’t feel guilty because they’re all productive
Also, don’t u have the dinner dishes to wash? Or clutter that the kids bring in to put away? I always feel so annoyed that I clean all day and within the first 10 min of them getting home the house is upside down, I would use the quiet play time to put it back together or guide the kids to do it.
There’s always tehilim too. Imagine how fast u could finish a Sefer if every time they play u say a few prakim
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tichellady
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:45 pm
amother Buttercup wrote: | My kids ALWAYS need me! I can barely ever go to the bathroom uninterrupted! |
omg same. and I always have a huge to do list. we must have very different children from the op
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amother
Leaf
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:48 pm
amother OP wrote: | My kids get so involved in their playing they don’t need me. My baby is 3 months old and is bh a very calm child. She’s usually in the baby swing or stroller. |
Take her out and put her on an activity mat.
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amother
Slategray
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Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:50 pm
Op said she stopped working so for now she prob has lots of time to take care of the regulars while her kids are all at school.
I totally hear you! My kids are the same and I feel the same about my phone too…
I would read a book or organize something random like recipes or photos. Otherwise I’d play a game that I can do while on the couch with one of the kids
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